Fashion (Anna Cora Mowatt)/Act IV

by Anna Cora Mowatt

ACT IV

Scene I

(Ball Room splendidly illuminated. A curtain hung at the further end. Mr. and Mrs. Tiffany, Seraphina, Gertrude, Fogg, Twinkle, Count, Snobson, Colonel Howard, a number of guests--some seated, some standing. As the curtain rises, a cotillion is danced; Gertrude dancing with Howard, Seraphina with Count.)

Count Jolimaitre

(advancing with Seraphina to the front of the stage) To-morrow then--to-morrow--I may salute you as my bride--demme, my Countess!

(Enter Zeke, L., with refreshments.)

Seraphina Tiffany

Yes, tomorrow.

(as the Count is about to reply, Snobson thrusts himself in front of Seraphina.)

Snobson

You said you'd dance with me, Miss--now take my fin, and we'll walk about and see what's going on.

(Count raises his eye-glass, regards Snobson, and leads Seraphina away; Snobson follows, endeavoring to attract her attention, but encounters, on L. H., Zeke, bearing a waiter of refreshments; stops, helps himself, and puts some in his pockets.)

Here's the treat! get my to-morrow's luncheon out of Tiff.

(Enter Trueman, R, yawning and rubbing his eyes.)

Adam Trueman

What a nap I've had, to be sure! (looks at his watch) Eleven o'clock, as I'm alive! Just the time when country folks are comfortably turned in, and here your grand turn-out has hardly begun yet!

(to Tiffany, who approaches.)

Gertrude

(advancing R.) I was just coming to look for you, Mr. Trueman. I began to fancy that you were paying a visit to dream-land.

Adam Trueman

So I was child--so I was--and I saw a face--like yours--but brighter!--even brighter. (to Tiffany) There's a smile for you, man! It makes one feel that the world has something worth living for in it yet! Do you remember a smile like that, Anthony? Ah! I see you don't--but I do--I do! (much moved)

Colonel Howard

(advancing c.) Good evening, Mr. Trueman. (offers his hand.)

Adam Trueman

That's right man; give me your whole hand! When a man offers me the tips of his fingers, I know at once there's nothing in him worth seeking beyond his fingers ends.

(Trueman and Howard, Gertrude and Tiffany converse.)

Mrs. Tiffany

(advancing C.) I'm in such a fidget lest that vulgar old fellow should disgrace us by some of his plebeian remarks! What it is to give a ball, when one is forced to invite vulgar people!

(Mrs. Tiffany advances towards Trueman; Seraphina stands conversing flippantly with the gentlemen who surround her; amongst them is Twinkle, who having taken a magazine from his pocket, is reading to her, much to the undisguised annoyance of Snobson.)

Dear me, Mr. Trueman, you are very late--quite in the fashion I declare!

Adam Trueman

Fashion! And pray what is fashion, madam? An agreement between certain persons to live without using their souls! to substitute etiquette for virtue--decorum for purity--manners for morals! to affect a shame for the works of their Creator! and expend all their rapture upon the works of their tailors and dressmakers!

Mrs. Tiffany

You have the most ow-tray ideas, Mr. Trueman--quite rustic, and deplorably American! But pray walk this way.

(Mrs. Tiffany and Trueman go up.)

Count Jolimaitre

(advancing L., to Gertrude, who stands C., Howard R., a short distance behind her) Miss Gertrude--no opportunity of speaking to you before--in demand you know!

Gertrude

I have no choice, I must be civil to him. (aside.) What were you remarking, Sir?

Count Jolimaitre

Miss Gertrude--charming Ger--aw--aw--I never found it so difficult to speak to a woman before. (aside)

Gertrude

Yes, a very charming ball--many beautiful faces here.

Count Jolimaitre

Only one!--aw--aw--one--the fact is--(talks to her in dumb show, up C.)

Colonel Howard

What could old Trueman have meant by saying she fancied that puppy of a Count--that paste jewel thrust upon the little finger of society.

Count Jolimaitre

Miss Gertrude--aw--'pon my honor--you don't understand--really--aw--aw--will you dance the polka with me?

(Gertude bows and gives him her hand; he leads her to the set forming; Howard remains looking after them.)

Colonel Howard

Going to dance with him too! A few days ago she would hardly bow to him civilly--could old Trueman have had reasons for what he said? (retires up.)

(Dance, the polka; Seraphina, after having distributed her bouquet, vinaigrette and fan amongst the gentlemen, dances with Snobson.)

Prudence

(peeping in L., as dance concludes) I don't like dancing on Friday; something strange is always sure to happen! I'll be on the look out. (remains peeping and concealing herself when any of the company approach.)

Gertrude

(advancing hastily C.) They are preparing the supper--now if I can only dispose of Millinette while I unmask this insolent pretender!

(Exit R.)

Prudence

(peeping) What's that she said? It's coming!

(Re-enter Gertrude, R., bearing a small basket filled with bouquets; approaches Mrs. Tiffany; they walk to the front of the stage.)

Gertrude

Excuse me, Madam--I believe this is just the hour at which you ordered supper?

Mrs. Tiffany

Well, what's that to you! So you've been dancing with the Count--how dare you dance with a nobleman--you?

Gertrude

I will answer that question half an hour hence. At present I have something to propose, which I think will gratify you and please your guests. I have heard that at the most elegant balls in Paris, it is customary--

Mrs. Tiffany

What? what?

Gertrude

To station a servant at the door with a basket of flowers. A bouquet is then presented to every lady as she passes in--I prepared this basket a short time ago. As the company walk in to supper, might not the flowers be distributed to advantage?

Mrs. Tiffany

How distingui! You are a good creature, Gertrude--there, run and hand the bokettes to them yourself! You shall have the whole credit of the thing.

Gertrude

Caught in my own net! (aside) But, madam, I know so little of fashions--Millinette, being French, herself will do it with so much more grace. I am sure Millinette--

Mrs. Tiffany

So am I. She will do it a thousand times better than you--there go call her.

Gertrude

(giving basket) But madam, pray order Millinette not to leave her station till supper is ended--as the company pass out of the supper room she may find that some of the ladies have been overlooked.

Mrs. Tiffany

That is true--very thoughtful of you, Gertrude. (Exit Gertrude, R.) What a recherchi idea!

(Enter Millinette, R.)

Here Millinette, take this basket. Place yourself there, (C.) and distribute these bokettes as the company pass in to supper; but remember not to stir from the spot until supper is over. It is a French fashion you know, Millinette. I am so delighted to be the first to introduce it--it will be all the rage in the bow-monde!

Millinette

Mon Dieu! dis vill ruin all! (aside) Madame, Madame, let me tell you, Madame, dat in France, in Paris, it is de custom to present les bouquets ven every body first come--long before de supper. Dis vould be outri! barbare! not at all la mode! Ven dey do come in dat is de fashion in Paris!

Mrs. Tiffany

Dear me! Millinette what is the difference! besides I'd have you to know that Americans always improve upon French fashions! here, take the basket, and let me see that you do it in the most you-nick and genteel manner.

(Millinette poutingly takes the basket and retires up stage, L.a march. Curtain hung at the further end of the room is drawn back, and discloses a room, in the centre of which, stands a supper table, beautifully decorated and illuminated; the company promenade two by two into the supper room; Millinette presents bouquets as they pass; Count leads Mrs. Tiffany.)

Adam Trueman

(encountering Fogg, who is hurrying alone to the supper room) Mr. Fogg, never mind the supper, man! Ha, ha, ha! Of course you are indifferent to suppers!

Augustus Fogg

Indifferent! suppers--oh ah--no Sir--suppers? no--no--I'm not indifferent to suppers! (hurries away towards table.)

Adam Trueman

Ha, ha, ha! Here's a new discovery I've made in the fashionable world! Fashion don't permit the critters to have heads or hearts, but it allows them stomachs! (to Tiffany, who advances) So it's not fashionable to feel, but it's fashionable to feed, eh, Anthony? ha, ha, ha!

(Trueman and Tiffany retire towards supper room. Enter Gertrude, followed by Zeke, R.)

Gertrude

Zeke, go to the supper room instantly,--whisper to Count Jolimaitre that all is ready, and that he must keep his appointment without delay,--then watch him, and as he passes out of the room, place yourself in front of Millinette in such a manner, that the Count cannot see her nor she him. Be sure that they do not see each other--everything depends upon that. (crosses to R. H.)

Zeke

Missey, consider dat business brought to a scientific conclusion.

(Exit into supper room. Exit. Gertrude, R. H.)

Prudence

(who has been listening) What can she want of the Count? I always suspected that Gertrude, because she is so merry and busy! Mr. Trueman thinks so much of her too--I'll tell him this! There's something wrong--but it all comes of giving a ball on a Friday! How astonished the dear old man will be when he finds out how much I know!

(advances timidly towards the supper room.)

Scene II

(Housekeeper's room; dark stage; table, two chairs. Enter, Gertrude, with a lighted candle in her hand.)

Gertrude

So far the scheme prospers! and yet this imprudence--if I fail? Fail! to lack courage in a difficulty, or ingenuity in a dilemma, are not woman's failings!

(Enter Zeke, R., with a napkin over his arm, and a bottle of champagne in his hand.)

Well Zeke--Adolph!

Zeke

Dat's right, Missey; I feels just now as if dat was my legitimate title; dis here's de stuff to make a nigger feel like a gemman!

Gertrude

But is he coming?

Zeke

He's coming! (sound of a champagne cork heard) Do you hear dat, Missey? Don't it put you all in a froth, and make you feel as light as a cork? Dere's nothing like the union brand, to wake up de harmonies ob de heart. (drinks from bottle.)

Gertrude

Remember to keep watch, upon the outside--do not stir from the spot; when I call you, come in quickly with a light--now, will you be gone!

Zeke

I'm off, Missey, like a champagne cork wid de strings cut. (Exit R.)

Gertrude

I think I hear the Count's step, (crosses L., stage dark; she blows out candle) Now if I can but disguise my voice, and make the best of French.

(Enter Count, R. H.)

Count Jolimaitre

Millinette, where are you? How am I to see you in the dark?

Gertrude

(imitating Millinette's voice in a whisper) Hush! parle bas.

Count Jolimaitre

Come here and give me a kiss.

Gertrude

Non--non--(retreating alarmed, Count follows) make haste, I must know all.

Count Jolimaitre

You did not use to be so deuced particular.

Zeke

(without) No admission, gemman! Box office closed, tickets stopped!

Adam Trueman

(without) Out of my way; do you want me to try if your head is as hard as my stick?

Gertrude

What shall I do? Ruined, ruined!

(she stands with her hand clasped in speechless despair.)

Count Jolimaitre

Halloa! they are coming here, Millinette! Millinette, why don't you speak? Where can I hide myself? (running about stage, feeling for a door) Where are all your closets? If I could only get out--or get in somewhere; may I be smothered in a clothes' basket, if you ever catch me in such a scrape again! (his hand accidentally touches the knob of a door opening into a closet, L. F.) Fortune's favorite yet! I'm safe!

(gets into closet and closes door. Enter Prudence, Trueman, Mrs. Tiffany, and Colonel Howard, R., followed by Zeke, bearing a light; lights up.)

Prudence

Here they are, the Count and Gertrude! I told you so! (stops in surprise on seeing only Gertrude.)

Adam Trueman

And you see what a lie you told!

Mrs. Tiffany

Prudence, how dare you create this disturbance in my house? To suspect the Count too--a nobleman!

Colonel Howard

My sweet Gertrude, this foolish old woman would--

Prudence

Oh! you needn't talk--I heard her make the appointment--I know he's here--or he's been here. I wonder if she hasn't hid him away! (runs peeping about the room.)

Adam Trueman

(following her angrily) You're what I call a confounded--troublesome--meddling--old--prying--(as he says the last word, Prudence opens closet where the Count is concealed) Thunder and lightning!

Prudence

I told you so!

(they all stand aghast; Mrs. Tiffany, R., with her hands lifted in surprise and anger; Trueman, R. C., clutching his stick; Howard, L. C., looking with an expression of bewildered horror from the Count to Gertrude.)

Mrs. Tiffany

(shaking her fist at Gertrude) You depraved little minx! this is the meaning of your dancing with the Count!

Count Jolimaitre

(stepping from the closet and advancing L. H.) I don't know what to make of it! Millinette not here! Miss Gertrude--oh! I see--a disguise--the girl's desperate about me--the way with them all. (aside)

Adam Trueman

I'm choking--I can't speak--Gertrude--no--no --it is some horrid mistake! (partly aside, changes his tone suddenly) The villain! I'll hunt the truth out of him, if there's any in--(crosses L., approaches Count threateningly) do you see this stick ? You made its first acquaintance a few days ago; it is time you were better known to each other.

(as Trueman attempts to seize him, Count escapes, crosses R., and shields himself behind Mrs. Tiffany, Trueman following.)

Count Jolimaitre

You ruffian! would you strike a woman?--Madam--my dear Madam--keep off that barbarous old man, and I will explain! Madam, with--aw--your natural bon gout--aw--your fashionable refinement--aw--your--aw--your knowledge of foreign customs--

Mrs. Tiffany

Oh! Count, I hope it ain't a foreign custom for the nobility to shut themselves up in the dark with young women? We think such things dreadful in America.

Count Jolimaitre

Demme--aw--hear what I have to say, Madam--I'll satisfy all sides--I am perfectly innocent in this affair --'pon my honor I am! That young lady shall inform you that I am so herself !--can't help it, sorry for her. Old matter-of-fact won't be convinced any other way,--that club of his is so particularly unpleasant! (aside) Madam, I was summoned here malgri moi, and not knowing whom, I was to meet--Miss Gertrude, favor this company by saying whether or not you directed--that--aw--aw--that colored individual to conduct me here?

Gertrude

Sir, you well know-

Count Jolimaitre

A simple yes or no will suffice.

Mrs. Tiffany

Answer the Count's question instantly, Miss.

Gertrude

I did--but--

Count Jolimaitre

You hear, Madam--

Adam Trueman

I won't believe it--I cant! Here you nigger, stop rolling up your eyes, and let us know whether she told you to bring that critter here?

Zeke

I'se refuse to gib ebidence; dat's de device ob de skilfullest counsels ob de day! Can't answer, Boss--neber git a word out ob dis child--Yah! yah!

(Exit.)

Gertrude

Mrs. Tiffany,--Mr. Trueman, if you will but have patience--

Adam Trueman

Patience! Oh, Gertrude, you've taken from an old man something better and dearer than his patience--the one bright hope of nineteen years of self-denial--of nineteen years of--

(throws himself upon a chair, his head leaning on table.)

Mrs. Tiffany

Get out of my house, you owdacious--you ruined--you abimi young woman! You will corrupt all my family. Good gracious! don't touch me,--don't come near me. Never let me see your face after to-morrow. Pack.

(goes up)

Colonel Howard

Gertrude, I have striven to find some excuse for you--to doubt--to disbelieve--but this is beyond all endurance! (Exit, R. H.)

(Enter Millinette in haste, R.)

Millinette

I could not come before--(stops in surprise at seeing the persons assembled) Mon Dieu! vat does dis mean?

Count Jolimaitre

Hold your tongue, fool! You will ruin everything, I will explain to-morrow. (aside to her) Mrs. Tiffany--Madam--my dear Madam, let me conduct you back to the ball-room. (she takes his arm) You see I am quite innocent in this matter; a man of my standing, you know,--aw, aw--you comprehend the whole affair.

(Exit Count leading Mrs. T., R. H.)

Millinette

I vill say to him von vord, I will! (Exit, R.)

Gertrude

Mr. Trueman, I beseech you--I insist upon being heard,--I claim it as a right!

Adam Trueman

Right? How dare you have the face, girl, to talk of rights? (comes down) You had more rights than you thought for, but you have forfeited them all! All right to love, respect, protection, and to not a little else that you don't dream of. Go, go! I'll start for Catteraugus to-morrow,--I've seen enough of what fashion can do! (Exit, R. H.)

Prudence

(Wiping her eyes) Dear old man, how he takes on! I'll go and console him! (Exit, R. H.)

Gertrude

This is too much! How heavy a penalty has my imprudence cost me!--his esteem, and that of one dearer--my home--my--(burst of lively music from ball-room) They are dancing, and I--I should be weeping, if pride had not sealed up my tears.

(She sinks into a chair. Band plays the polka behind till Curtain falls.)

End of ACT IV.