202 GOLDEN AGE OF ACHIEVEMENT. [1848,
I know comparatively little. My saddest and most genuine sorrows are apt to be but tran sient regrets. The place of sorrow is supplied, perchance, by a certain hard and proportionably barren indifference. I am of kin to the sod, and partake largely of its dull patience, in winter expecting the sun of spring. In my cheapest moments I am apt to think that it is not my business to be " seeking the spirit," but as much its business to be seeking me. I know very well what Goethe meant when he said that he never had a chagrin but he made a poem out of it. I have altogether too much patience of this kind. I am too easily contented with a slight and almost animal happiness. My happiness is a good deal like that of the woodchucks.
Methinks I am never quite committed, never wholly the creature of my moods, being always to some extent their critic. My only integral experience is in my vision. I see, perchance, with more integrity than I feel.
But I need not tell you what manner of man I am, my virtues or my vices. You can guess if it is worth the while ; and I do not discrimi nate them well.
I do not write this time at my hut in the woods. I am at present living with Mrs. Emer son, whose house is an old home of mine, for company during Mr. Emerson s absence.
