me : I had a love of virtue, and a reverence for religion J ; and these, I trust, have brought forth in me fruits meet for repent ance ; and, if I have repented as I ought, I am forgiven. I have, at times, entertained a loathing of sin and of myself, particularly at the beginning of this year, when I had the prospect of death before me 2 ; and this has not abated when my fears of death have been less ; and, at these times, I have had such rays of hope shot into my soul, as have almost persuaded me, that I am in a state of reconciliation with God V
29th. Mr. Langton, who had spent the evening with him, reported, that his hopes were increased, and that he was much cheared upon being reminded of the general tendency of his writings, and of his example 4 .
3Oth. I saw him in the evening, and found him chearful. Was informed, that he had, for his dinner, eaten heartily of a French duck pie and a pheasant.
Dec. i. He was busied in destroying papers 5 . Gave to Mr. Langton and another person, to fair copy, some translations of the Greek epigrams, which he had made in the preceding nights, and transcribed the next morning, and they began to work on them.
3d. Finding his legs continue to swell, he signified to his physicians a strong desire to have them scarified, but they, unwilling to put him to pain, and fearing a mortification, de clined advising it. He afterwards consulted his surgeon, and he performed the operation on one leg.
4th. I visited him : the scarification, made yesterday in his leg, appeared to have had little effect. He said to me, that he
1 Life, i. 68. 4 Mrs. Carter, in one of her latest
2 On Feb. 6 he had written to Dr. conversations with Dr. Johnson, Heberden: ' My distemper prevails, spoke of 'his constant attention to and my hopes sink, and dejection religious duties and the soundness oppresses me.' Letters, ii. 376. of his moral principles. He took
3 On Oct. 6 he wrote : ' My mind her by the hand, and said with is calmer than in the beginning of much eagerness, "You know this the year, and I comfort myself with to be true ; testify it to the world hopes of every kind, neither despair- when I am gone. 3 ' ' Memoirs of ing of ease in this world, nor of Mrs. Carter, i. 41. See also post, happiness in another.' Letters, ii. p. 203.
423. 5 Life, iv. 403.
was
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