States of Christian Life and Vocation, According to the Doctors and Theologians of the Church/Part 1/Section 1/Article 2/Paragraph 3. Widowhood.
Paragraph 3. Widowhood.[edit]
Virginity, says Bossuet, is an angelic state ; widowhood follows close upon it.[1] Let us say a few words on this condition of life.
It is certain that persons in widowhood are allowed to marry again. To condemn second marriages would be to lapse into the errors of the Montanists. Listen to the teaching of the Apostle of the Gentiles : " But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they so continue, even as I. But if they do not contain themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to be burnt " (by the fire of temptation). " A woman, if her husband die, is at liberty : let her marry to whom she will ; only in the Lord " that is, according to the law and fear of God, as a Lapide explains these words. " But more blessed shall she be if she so remain," either in this world in which her life will be more quiet and holy, or in heaven, says the same commentator, where her happiness and glory will be greater.[2] From these words of the apostle, which are in themselves so clear, we must infer that second marriages would be obligatory on persons living a sinful life in widowhood, and unwilling to employ any other means of amendment or preservation. Outside, however, of this case, and of a few others that are very rare, second, third, and even eighth marriages, as St. Jerome has it, are neither commanded nor forbidden. Strictly speaking, they are not even matter of counsel : they are merely allowable. Widowhood is a state happier and better than marriage ; it falls, therefore, under the counsels. Such is the teaching of St. Paul : it is also that of the fathers, from whom we shall adduce some passages :
" We do not prohibit second marriages," says St. Ambrose, " but, on the other hand, we do not advise them ; for not all that is allowed is profitable. The widow has no command to remain a widow, but she is counselled to do so; and the counsel has not only been once given, but has been often repeated. Do not say : 'I am without assistance.' This is the customary excuse of her who wishes to re-marry. Neither should you say : 'I am all alone.' Loneliness is favorable to purity ; the modest woman loves retirement ; she who is not so, is anxious to go out and parade herself. You have, you say, business to transact ? And are there no lawyers in the world? But you are in dread of enemies? Well, then, our Lord himself pleads your case before the judges, and says to them : 'Deal justly with the widow.' You are anxious to save your property ? Chastity is also a property of the very highest value, and the widow keeps it far better than the married woman. But still you wish to get married ? You are allowed to do so. I make no inquiries with regard to your motives : why do you dissemble when giving them ? If your reasons are virtuous, state them ; if otherwise, be silent about them. Accuse neither your relatives, nor God, when you complain of want of support ; do not say you marry for the sake of your children, while depriving them of a mother.
" There are things, allowable in themselves, which age sanctions no longer. Why prepare for the wedding of the mother during or after the wedding of the daughter? What is that woman lately married who yet has sons-in-law, and who, by a second husband, will have children younger than her nephews?"[3] Again the widow says, Who will bring up my children ? "Alas !" answers St. Jerome, " they allege, as reason for their marriage, the very thing that ought to prevent them from doing so ; for, by her second marriage, the widow places over her children, not a father who will provide for them, but an enemy. If you have children, why marry again? And if you have none, does not experience teach you to fear a like barrenness in the future ? " [4]
The world itself understands these ideas, and St. Jerome gives numerous examples of noble pagan ladies, who, having lost their husbands, preferred death to the bonds of a second marriage.[5]
St. Ambrose spoke to middle-aged persons : St. Chrysostom wrote chiefly for young widows. He says : " I consider it useless to speak to women advanced in years, and who, nevertheless, are thinking of a second marriage. Could any words of mine convince them, when neither years, nor age, nor experience has been able to make them forego their purpose ? Hence, I speak to young widows. We go on cheerfully with an enterprise whose beginnings have been favorable ; but if we fail at the outset, we give up everything. Therefore, a young widow, it seems to me, ought to be all the further from a second marriage, because she has known sorrow and widowhood so early in life. In remaining a widow, she is sure of her future, and protects herself against similar misfortunes. Though the state of widow hood is the same for all widows, the rewards differ widely, and are more brilliant for some than for others. The widow who, while yet young, undergoes the yoke of continence, deserves more honor and glory than another who takes up the practice only in her old age."[6]
The heavenly rewards promised to widowhood,
and of which St. Chrysostom speaks, have at all
times made some noble souls, whom the world
sought to wrest from God, persevere faithfully
in that holy state of life. A high-born Roman
lady, named Marcella, lost her husband, seven
months after her marriage. The high rank of
her family, her youth, her personal beauty, and
her many virtues, induced a Roman consul called
Cerialis, already advanced in years, to seek her
hand, with a promise to leave her all his property.
Albina, Marcella's mother, urged her daughter
to accept the brilliant offer. "If I wanted to
marry," replied Marcella, "instead of devoting
the remainder of my life to perpetual chastity, I
would look for a husband, and not for a fortune."
Cerialis told her that sometimes men of a certain
age live a long time, whereas young men die
very soon. " It is true," said Marcella, " that
young men may not live long, but it is sure that
old men can not live long." And she continued to live on, in her widowhood, amid the practices
of piety.[7]
St. Gregory relates that, in the time of Theodoric, King of the Goths, the noble and youthful Galla, daughter of the consul and patrician Symmachus, was married, in the flower of her years, to a husband every way worthy of her. Within a year she had the misfortune to lose him. Her worldly rank, wealth, and beauty seemed to call her to a second marriage ; nor were there wanting busy people to urge upon her such a step. Even physicians plied her with reasons of their own ; but nothing could shake the resolution of Galla. The second marriage to which she looked forward was that which is contracted with God. It begins in sorrow, but it ends in everlasting joy ; while the unions of the world take place in the midst of noisy rejoicings, and close in tears.
All Rome was a witness of the struggle between God and the world in the soul of the illustrious widow. " Galla," says St. Gregory, " laid aside her splendid attire and the ornaments of the world, to give herself up to God in a monastery near the basilica of the blessed apostle, St. Peter. There she lived for many years in great simplicity of heart, engaged in constant prayer and the practice of exhaustless charity."[8] There, too, she closed her earthly career by a holy death.
Footnotes[edit]
- ↑ Bossuet, Lettre 83. Ed. Martin Beaupre.
- ↑ St. Paul, I Cor. vii, et Corn., ibid.
- ↑ St. Amb., De viduis, c. xi.
- ↑ St. Hieron., Epist. 51, n. 15.
- ↑ Adv. Jovinian., lib. I, c. xliii.
- ↑ St. Chrysost., "Second Treatise against Second Marriages." Migne vol. I, coll. 618, 619.
- ↑ Corn. a Lapide in I Tim. v, 5.
- ↑ St. Greg., Magn. Dial., lib. 4, c. xiii, ed. Migne, col. 340.