The Defective Spectacles

The spectacles of Keshav Raj were defective. He found it hard to recognize a person even at a short distance. He would feel a severe strain in his eyes when he read a book. The power of the spectacles was in fact less than required for his eyes. He was thinking of buying a new one for a long time, but the condition was not favorable yet.

He frequented the General Sahib's house for adulation and sycophancy. As usual, once when he went on his mission, he found that the General Sahib had not turned up even till five from the place he had gone to. Will he not return today? All the sycophants gathered there felt dejected and decided to return thinking that the Gersahib would not come, and left. But Keshav Raj, being hopeful, kept waiting in the premises of the Palace for a pretty long time. Evening was about to fall. The western hills had enveloped the sun and it was growing dark on the earth but the long beams of the sun were slanting across the sky. Some stray clouds were floating in the sky. Keshav Raj felt fascinated by this splendorous scene. He too concluded that the Gersahib wouldn't come, and left for home. Had it been any other day he would have been quite sorry for not seeing the Gersahib. But today he was full of spirit and enthusiasm. He was vigorously rushing through the lush green waving paddy fields inhaling the sweet fragrance emanating from them. He could not be sure whether that black thing at a distance was a stone or a log or a buffalo or a man. He thought how useless his spectacles had become. But that thought did not make him worried for long. Meanwhile a car came honking form behind. Required to bow down in reverence, he held the rim of the spectacles between the grip of the index finger and thumb of the left hand, and examined the number plate of the car. He could not read the number and said in disgust," These glasses have really become worthless." Meanwhile the car ran past him only then he recognized the car and its occupant and instantly bowed to show his respect but to the rear of the car. The spectacles deceived him even here. "If the power of the spectacles had been correct, I would have paid the due regard and won the favor," he thought. Keshav Raj felt disappointed. For many days he had been thinking of his eyes tested and buy new glasses. Only now he realized the importance of the truth that one should immediately execute what one has determined. For him there was no other alternative but to change the glasses. He had to change the glasses. He had to change and he was resolved to do so. Today's incident would not have occurred if he had done it so earlier.

There was another thing troubling him constantly. The General Sahib might have caught sight of him and felt offended. He also might have thought that despite his flattery and sycophancy for a long time, he had not done anything favorable to him and so Keshav Raj would have ignored him. Big shots are very particular about their respects and keep remembering the disrespectful behavior towards them for a good deal of time. Keshav Raj was caught in a precarious situation. He had pinned all his hopes on the General Sahib. If really such a misunderstanding had crept into the mind of the Gersahib, he was then dispossessed and deprived of everything, Keshab Raj thought.

Preoccupied with this thought he reached home. It had grown dark. By the time he was reaching home, he was filled with irritation. First of all he was agitated over his spectacles. 'This useless thing........' Then he was angry with himself,' This fool realizes a thing only after committing a mistake...dawn of realization much later...' Getting into his room, he began to change his dress. He could not pull the tight trousers off his legs easily which infuriated him further and when he heard there was some delay for the meal, he became yet outraged. Crying loudly he reached the top floor where his wife was trying hard to burn, exhaling her breath, the moist firewood bought that day carelessly. Shouting at his wife he was muttering,' Stupid woman. She thinks herself to be very smart. She is proud of herself but cannot even feed her husband in time. You shameless woman! What were you doing till now? Aren't you lighting the fire pretty late?........went outside on some errand, returned home tired expecting to get meal, but here..........' Thus he kept on jabbering. This sudden anger of Keshav Raj made his wife astonished rather than terrified.

He could not sleep after his dinner. He kept tossing and turning throughout the night with restlessness. Certainly there was a great mistake on his part. To be regardless and not to bow down to the master was a virtual crime. But Keshav Raj pacified his heart thinking that he had not ignored him intentionally. He has a pious heart. Why should one be angry if a blind does not see one? He was not guilty of any offence in this respect. He has only a simple mistake not to change the spectacles earlier. Although he is not guilty of any offence, the General Sahib might have felt bad in his heart. 'The Gersahib should not be given the impression that I had ignored him.' Keshav Raj did not find any means to correct it.

Finding him in such an embarrassing condition, his wife said,' Why don't you sleep? What are you sorry for? Please tell me.' First of all Keshav Raj was angry that she wanted to know everything unnecessarily. But later keeping his anger in control he simply said, 'Nothing at all.' He did not say anything to his wife as he had not expected any advice in that matter such a serious thing. But being pressed by her he explained it in a round about way and did not disclose that specific event. 'I'm guilty of an offence, it appeared as if I had ignored a big shot. What to do now? Everything will go to pot if he really gets angry.'

Keshav Raj was desperate and at a loss. The wife took it easily and said, 'Then, you had better go and beg your pardon, everything will be OK.' He liked that idea and made up his mind to go there the next morning to beg pardon. Now he did not feel the need of sleep and could not utilize the rest of night due to his attention towards the dawn. He rose, dressed up and got prepared to go. But the clock could not move time according to his plan. Still there are three hours to be eight o'clock. The Gersahib does not come down before eight and this is the very time for the sycophants. Meanwhile he thought that instead of staying at home it was better to wait at the door of the palace, so he set out at six in the morning. It was not that it did not augur well as he came across a pot filled to the brim with yoghurt on his way. He became hopeful of the fulfillment of his mission.

After waiting for two hours gradually a number of adulators and flatterers began to throng the palace. The ground in front of the palace was crowded with the people. Keshav Raj was sitting aloof with a dejected face. The great purpose of his sitting aloof was that in the ground it was difficult to know whom the General Sahib was looking at, and if there was a chance he could request to be pardoned.

Keshav Raj who had a lively curiosity to hear the sound of the hooves within the walls, heard the angry voice of the General Sahib. The Gersahib was angry with the groom for something wrong on his part. Everybody agrees that he has a calm nature. Nobody has ever seen him angry not heard about that. Then why was he angry today? His anger was coming outside in the form of words crossing the walls.

Keshav Raj came to know about the anger of the Gersahib. Probably yesterday's incident has greatly shocked him. It was indeed a matter that might be hurting. To hurt the pride of the big shots is to prick their softest part. They cannot bear it. No, it is not an appropriate moment for him to beg pardon with the Gersahib in such an angry state. May be, if he becomes a victim of his rage, so Keshav Raj thought and returned home.

On his way back he became conscious of his poor state of health. He had not had his last evening's meal nor had he slept all through the night. By virtue of hours of unrelieved tedium and tensions he was just like a sick man. He panted hard walking even a step. He started to feel pity on himself observing his own condition and became angry with the General Sahib who gets annoyed by such trivial matter without knowing the reality. 'What is my great offence? The spectacles did not work, I could not be sure of him and failed to bow down outright. Everyday in the morning and evening have I regularly waited him at the door of the palace. He should understand at least this much that if I am to ignore him, why do I visit him to attend in sycophancy everyday? What can I do if he is disappointed with me without any reason? I also don't care because I cannot die simply for it. But when he was reaching home, he turned again to his former views. "A person who gets his two squares of food through the sycophancy, can a beggar like him be adamant? What harm will it do to the General Sahib? Will his misunderstanding be removed? I will have to starve! Should we be adamant with such a big shot? Oh no! One mistake cannot be rectified by another. I have to go and beg pardon.

Again in the evening Keshav Raj headed towards the door of the palace with the same mission. The Gersahib arrived riding on horse back. Keshav Raj was trembling with fear. As he chanced to see the Gersahib in isolation, he blurted out stammering,' My lord, .........the defect of the spectacles......forgive me........'

The Gersahib could not understand it, stopped the horse and asked, 'What did you say? Pardon for what?'

Keshav Raj felt extremely nonplussed and jittered. 'How angry has the Gersahib become? He doesn't want even to grant pardon.' He found himself shrouded in the darkness of delusion. His trembling legs no longer supported him to stand. He fell to his knees instantly there holding his head with two hands. Without willing to know anymore, the Gersahib moved his horse ahead. The cloud of dust raised by the hooves of the horse blanketed him who was sitting in utter despair at the corner of the road holding his head.

All of a sudden Keshav Raj wore a look of a fifty-year old man. He had to rest his hand on the waist while walking and he felt the need of a stick for support. The suspicion he had harbored in mind had come true. The Gersahib was extremely furious. When he reached home, he heaved a deep sigh, threw himself into the bed without taking off the coat and sent a message to the wife telling that he would not eat anything that day.

Keshav Raj felt great zest for life. He should not lose his heart that way. He could not explain the fact to the General sahib properly. Had he explained it clearly, definitely, the Gersahib would have forgive him. He is in fact an unfathomable ocean of generosity and benevolence. How was I terrified to utter even a word? Does anybody get pardon simply by asking 'pardon me'? I will certainly get pardon if I explain the whole incident including the deception of the spectacles and bowing down to 'the carriage box' of the car. The next day early in the morning he dashed to the threshold of the palace to see the Gersahib. He told Gersahib everything from the beginning to end. The Gersahib said, 'Yes, I understand. Don't I understand even that? What a peculiar man you are? In such a trivial thing.........'

Now Keshav Raj felt relieved from all his tensions. The Gersahib pardoned him with great kindness. Really, how kind he is ! That is why, goddess Laxmi too dwells there because he is a paragon of virtue and large hearted soul. If he had explained all those things the other day, he would not have undergone such mental agony. Now Keshav Raj was pleased at heart.

Keshav Raj's severe anxiety and rejection of meal for three times had weakened him considerably. He had to take rest twice while climbing the staircase. He was very tired so when he reached the room, he lay down in his bed. The cloud of smoke passing from the kitchen was suffered for there was no outlet for it to escape, and roaming in his room. He cried to his wife, lying in his bed with the face bent downward, "How much smoke are you making?' His wife mumbled something in reply which he neither heard nor tried to hear. Now he was too fagged out to cry, so when he cried he started panting. Again he started to think of everything that took place yesterday. Each and everything emerged monumental in his mind, yes, I understand, don't I understand even that? What a peculiar man you are? .... in such a trivial thing.......' A curl of smoke came rolling through the staircase, entered his room and scattered. The room plunged in darkness but Keshav Raj felt light-hearted now. How much might his wife be troubled by the moist firewood upstairs. The poor woman has to spend her whole life in such a predicament. He has not been able to employ a cook too to help his wife, but has he himself ever got any moment of relief and happiness? The wife is to cope with the domestic problems while he is engaged in surmounting the external difficulties. He has to go to Gersahib's palace regularly on his adulatory mission every morning and afternoon. There is nothing more to do, but a 'horse festival' of sycophancy. 'Sometimes the Gersahib does not even cast a glance on him.' Keshav Raj was filled with remorse.

Translated by Satya Mangal KC with Mohammed Harun Ansari and Mukul Dahal (first appeared in Nepal Letters, April 1995)