Cards spiritualized, or, The pack of cards transformed into a Bible, almanack, and prayer-book/The Cards Spiritualized

The CARDS, &c.

ONE Richard Middleton, a soldier, attending divine service with the rest of the regiment at a church in Glasgow, instead of pulling out a bible like the rest of his brother soldiers, to find the parson’s text, spread a pack of cards before him; this singular behaviour did not pass unnoticed both by the clergyman and the serjeant of the company to which he belonged: the latter in particular commanded him to put up his cards, and on his refusal conducted him, after church, before the mayor to whom be preferred a formal complaint of Richard’s indecent behaviour during divine service.

Well soldier (said the mayor) what excuse have you to offer for this strange, scandalous, indecent behaviour; if you can make any apology or assign any rea for it, it’s well; if you cannot, assure yourself that I will cause you to be severely punished for it. Since your honour is so good (replied Richard) as to let me speak for myself, an’t please your worship, I have been eight days upon the march with a bare allowance of sixpence a day, which your honour will surely allow is hardly sufficient to maintain a man in meat, drink, washing, and other necessaries and consequently he may want money to purchase a bible, prayer-book, or any other good book: On saying this, Richard drew our a pack of cards, and presenting one of the aces to the mayor, continued his address to the magistrate in the following manner, viz. when I see an

ACE,

May it please your honour (continued Richard) it reminds me that there is but one God and father of all I have to adore and serve, one faith to believe, one truth to practise, one baptism to cleanse me from original sin, and one only master to serve, love, and obey. The

TWO,

When I look upon, reminds me of the two testaments, viz the old and new, containing the law and the gospel, the two contrary principles struggling in man, viz. virtue and vice; also the two covenants, viz. the covenant of works made with our first parents in Paradise, which they broke by giving ear to the devil, and the covenant of grace made with Christ, as also the great misery of being under the former, and great happiness being of the letter. The

THREE,

Brings to my mind the great love of the sacred trinity, the father, son, and holy spirit, in forming the glorious plan of man’s redemption, by the sufferings and death of our blessed Saviour Jesus Christ for our salvation; it likewise reminds me of the three theological graces, viz. faith, hope, and charity, the three days that Jonah was in the whale’s belly, and the three hours our Saviour hung upon the cross, and the three days he lay in the heart of the earth. The

FOUR,

Calls to my mind the four holy evangelists, viz. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, as also the four seasons of the year, the four theological virtues, the four last things, death judgment, heaven and hell. The

FIVE,

Reminds me of the live senses given by God to man, viz. hearing, seeing, tasting, feeling smelling, it also reminds me of the five virgins that were ordered to trim their lamps, (your worship may remember there were ten indeed) but five were foolish. The

SIX,

Reminds me, that in six day God created the heavens, the earth, and the sea with all things therein, it also reminds me of the six christian virtues, the six petitions contained in the Lord’s prayer, the six days of the week that I have to work for my bread, and that I am appointed to keen the seventh holy. The

SEVEN,

That on the seventh day God rested from all his works that he had made: by which conduct of my God and Saviour, I learn the great duty and wisdom of keeping holy the sabbath day: the seven planets that rule the seven days of the week, the seven administring spirits that stand before the throne of God, the seven seals with which the book of life is sealed, the seven angels with the seven vials to be poured out on the earth; it also reminds me of the seven liberal arts God has endued man with and likewise the seven wonders of the world. The

EIGHT,

Reminds me of the eight righteous persons who were preserved from the deluge of water, when the whole world were cut off for their wickedness viz. Noah and his wife, and his three sons with their wives, as also it puts me in mind of the eight altitudes, the eight beatitudes, the eight persons mentioned in scripture to be released from death to life. The

NINE,

Puts me in mind of the muses whose harmonious voices are given to sing the praise of our God and Saviour, it also reminds me of nine lepers cleansed by our Saviour (there were ten indeed cleansed) but your worship may remember one only returned to offer his tribute of praise to God for the wonderful cure; the nine hierarchies, the nine noble orders amongst men. The

TEN,

Brings to my remembrance the ten dreadful plagues upon Egypt for their injustice to Israel, and also of the ten Gentile Sybils who foretold of our Saviour’s incarnation, life, death, resurrection and ascension for our salvation, the ten cities in the plains of Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed with fire and brimstone from heaven, and the ten tribes of Israel which were cut off for their wickedness, as also it reminds me of the ten commandments given on Mount Sinai by God to man, which every good christian will reverence and obey;—Richard further continued his observations on the ten thus) an't please your worship to observe the solemnity with which all these commandments were delivered, none will dare to take God's name in vain, when he plays at the cards, for that is an absolute command of Jehovah, and indeed my Lord, I would not willingly offend your worship, but I look on the man who blasphemes the name of God to be worse than the brute beasts, for they never offend thus; so that the profane swearer is beneath the beast, and worse than the devil, for he trembleth at the name of God which sinners abuse without fear. Richard then took the Knave placed it by him, and past on to the Queen, on which he observed as follows: This

QUEEN,

Said he, reminds me of the Queen of Sheba, who came from the uttermost parts of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; as also her companion. The

KING,

Reminds me of my duty to the great King of heaven as also my allegiance to King George the Third.

Richard further observed, when I look upon these four suits of the cards, they present to me the four principal religions that predominate in the world, viz. Christianity, Judaism, Mahometanism, and Paganism, when I look over the twelve court cards, they remind me of the twelve patriarchs, from whom proceed the twelve tribes of Israel, the twelve apostles, also the twelve articles of the Christian faith in which I am bound to believe

Well (returned the mayor) you have given a very good description of all the cards except The

KNAVE,

If your honour would not be angry with me (returned Richard) I can give as good satisfaction on that as any in the pack: No, said the mayor, I will not; well (returned Richard) the greatest knave I know is the serjeant who brought me before your worship I don’t know, replied the mayor whether he be the greatest knave or not, but I am sure he is the greatest fool

The soldier continued as follows, if your worship observe again, you will find in the first place, there are four suits in the card, that intimate the four quarters in the year; then as there are thirteen cards in each suit, that is just as many as there are weeks in the quarter; there are also as many lunations in a year as there are cards in a suit; there are twelve court cards which intimate the twelve months of the year, and the twelve signs of the zodiack thro’ which the sun fleers its diurnal course during the spice of one whole year; there are fifty-two cards in the pack, and that directly answers the exact number of weeks in a year; examine the cards a little farther, and you will find as many spots in them as there are days in a year, there being 365 spots; there I multiply by 24, and then by 60, which brings me out the exact number of days, hours, and minutes in a year. So that on the whole, an’t please your worship, this pack of cards is both a bible, an almanack, and a prayer book to me.

The mayor was so well pleased with the ready turns of wit and humour which he found in the soldier, that he called his servant and ordered him o entertain the soldier well, and gave him a piece of money, and said he was the cleverest fellow he ever heard a in his life

The serjeant seeing the soldier he thought to get punished so highly praised, took it so to heart that in three days after he died with grief.