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and as I went along, I could do nothing but look to heaven.
You may ask, What difference is there between this state, and that I experienced before, I will simply declare what I felt. 1. Tho’ I walked comfortably with God for near two years before, yet I often doubted, and was ready to give up all as a delusion. But I have never since had the least shadow of doubt, but can every hour and every moment, behold the light of the glory of God, in the face of Jesus Christ. 2. In my former state my affections were never quite free from one particular idol. It was dear to me as life itself, and I could not give it up. But my heart was now entirely free, nor had it the least part of my affections. 3. Before I found anxious cares and distressing fears. Now they are all vanished away. 4. After the first change, I still felt pride, anger, and self-will, more than I could well bear. Since the second I have not felt the least degree, of any of these evil tempers: altho’ temptations to all have not been wanting; but they passed by as a dart. Not that my natural tempers were destroyed; only they were changed by the mighty power of God, and directed into their right channels, grace flowing thro’ every faculty of my soul, and enabling me to offer up my body, soul, friends, all I am, and all I have, as a sacrifice to God, every moment, and that without the least reserve.
I likewise still found myself liable to ten thousand mistakes: which tho’ they had no concurrence of my will, yet were violations of that holy law, which demands perfect, uninterrupted obedience in every thought, word and action. These therefore would shut us out from the glory of God, were it not for the atoning blood: so that still, altho’ thro’ the power of the eternal Spirit, I am altogether thine, yet
Every moment, Lord, I need
The merit of thy death.
