Page:ONCE A WEEK JUL TO DEC 1860.pdf/646

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638
ONCE A WEEK.
[Dec. 1, 1860.

distance; still no barber’s pole, with its many-coloured stripes, presented itself. At last, just as I was beginning to despond, I arrived at a spot where a cab was drawn up by the pavement, and the driver stood holding his horse—(he was a good-natured looking man with a large pair of grey whiskers, and a very seedy coat)—to him I addressed myself, inquiring if he knew of any place in the neighbourhood where I could get shaved?

The driver evinced the most intense anxiety to give me the required information. His first movement was to gaze with much earnestness in the direction of High Street; but a moment’s reflection appearing to convince him of the inutility of searching in that direction, he turned sharply round towards the Fore Street, and peered with similar earnestness in that quarter. This being equally unsuccessful, he threw his eyes upwards, seeing apparently the barber’s pole amongst the constellations, and from thence fastened his eyes with great solicitude upon the pavement at his feet, remaining for some seconds in silent meditation, with the air of one who, in the attempt to measure the distance between heaven and earth, was at that moment engaged in the calculation of the problem. Finding this invocation to heaven and earth fruitless, he relieved himself from his perplexity by suddenly catching a very small boy who was passing, demanding of him if he knew where a gentleman could get shaved? The small boy, whose smooth face showed that shaving was not as yet at all in his line, replied in the negative, of course.

“Well, sir,” then said the cabman, “if you was to go down into South Street, you might find a barber there.”

Just then a bright thought seemed to flash upon him; for, pointing to the shop of one of the celebrated perfumers and hairdressers of the town which stood nearly opposite to us, he suggested that possibly I could get shaved there. I observed that no barber’s pole appeared to indicate this as a part of their calling. This remark appeared to stagger my cabman, but, after some reflection, he insisted that notwithstanding the want of a pole, he made no doubt I should find there razor and soap-suds at my service. With many misgivings I again crossed the street, and drew near to the splendid shop indicated by the cabman. Independently of the magnificently attired waxen figure which graced the window, with a coiffure of pearls and ringlets of silken texture and raven hue, surrounded by splendid glass-cases filled with perfumery and brushes, &c., I perceived, seated in the shop, an elegantly attired living lady! None of all this indicated the presence of the object of which I was in search, and only added to my trepidation. I made bold to open the glass-door and to enter the shop where the lady was seated; and I modestly inquired of her whether I could get shaved at her establishment?

I thought—but to my suspicious mind the thought might have been merely the suggestion of my nervous fancy—that her reply to my inquiry savoured somewhat of surprise:

“Shaved, sir?” But recovering herself she continued, in a confident tone, “Oh, certainly, sir; please to walk on through the next door,” indicating the direction with her finger.

Onward, therefore, I marched; much gratified that I had at length, after all my weary wanderings, reached the goal of my desires! Passing through several rooms, I arrived at a splendidly furnished apartment fitted up with mirrors; a large fire glowed in the grate; sofas, cushions, consoles, perfumes, surrounded me—in fact, every token of luxury and voluptuousness!

The apartment was vacant; but in a few moments another door was opened and a very smart gentleman entered. To him I made known my wish to be shaved.

With great politeness he placed a seat for me, and at once commenced getting together the necessary articles by means of which he proposed to perform the required operation.

Now, let me here remark that all this jarred excessively upon my preconceived notions of a barber’s shop. First, there was the want of a pole outside; next, there was the elegant female inside; then the various rooms and passages I had traversed, introducing me somewhat mysteriously to this Arabian Nights style of saloon! Lastly, the gentleman himself, attired in a costume infinitely more elegant than my own, without even the semblance of an apron!

Now, an apron had invariably been associated with my idea of a barber.

A most faultless moustache, exquisite whiskers, and beard of the first fashion, adorned this Adonis, and the rings which sparkled on his fingers suggested the possible bells which may have tinkled on his toes. Look whichever way I might, the repetition of his figure in the many mirrors by which I was surrounded gave the impression that I sat amidst a host of fashionable barbers, or elegant Adonises, each of them flourishing and sharpening the brightest of all conceivably bright razors. My shattered nerves certainly gained no tone by this display, and I heartily wished I had turned a deaf ear to my wife’s suggestion. Regrets, however, came too late! I was in for it now, and shaved I must be, at whatever cost!

Novice as I was, I ventured to inquire whether I should take my coat off.

This matter the operator assured me was one of “entire indifference” to him,

I suggested the displacement of my neckerchief and shirt-collar. To this he assented, after a little consideration; and I accordingly divested myself of these articles; thinking also that it must be most convenient to the Adonis, in spite of his professed indifference on the subject, I laid aside my coat also, and seated myself. I felt like a victim prepared for the sacrifice; or a wretch upon whom the dentist is about to exercise his professional skill, and my nervousness increased to an extreme degree. At this moment Adonis approached me, shaving brush in hand, and in a few seconds smothered my face in a white mixture, rendering it impossible for me to speak. This done, he planted himself opposite me in a fantastic attitude, surveying, as it seemed, his recent handiwork, and considering on what portion of the