Dr. Dodge. “Are the jury, then, to understand, Mrs. Barber, that, from the first, Mr. Barber appropriated your own money to his own use?”
Mrs. B. “Sometimes he lent me a little.”
Dr. D. “A little—that is, of your own money?”
Mrs. B. “Yes; but he might have had it all. I mean when I had only myself to think of. But I should have been glad to have had a few pounds now and then to buy frocks for baby: and I wanted a few shillings once to have bought some merino to make a little coat for the poor child, and I would have sown on—the braid—myself when I was sitting-up at night for Mr. Barber; for, as he came in so late, there was plenty of t—t—t—t—time,” (the poor lady’s sobs were dreadful; she checked herself, however, and added, looking round like a Sibyl), “but I could never get a farthing!”
The effect produced on the Court by this terrible revelation may be estimated by the fact that poor Lamb—man of the world as he was, and no doubt inured to these harrowing spectacles—distinctly wept. The fact must have been evident to everybody present, as he was obliged to rise from his seat at that moment, and address some instruction to Dr. Dodge. I cannot absolutely say that Dr. Dodge cried also; I only know that he blew his nose very hard, and took his spectacles off, and proceeded to wipe them with a large green silk handkerchief with white spots. We talk of the weakness of women; but was it not strange that Mrs. Barber was the first to recover herself? She just passed her hand across her eyes, and then, with compressed lips and flashing nostrils, again offered her bosom to the operator’s knife.
Dr. D. (Contending with his emotion, and thundering out consolation.) “Be calm, Mrs. Barber, be calm! I will do my best to get my part quickly over. Let us get at once to Poldadek. Very soon after your marriage, you went down to Cornwall to stay with Mr. Barber’s sisters—maiden ladies, I believe?”
Mrs. B. “Yes, they are two old maids. Miss Harriet and Miss Jane. Miss Harriet is forty-nine, and Miss Jane forty-seven years of age. I saw the dates in the fly-leaf of the Family Bible at Poldadek.”
I had frequently noticed the pleasant expression in the eyes of the puff-adder at the Zoological Gardens, when that amiable reptile is improving its mind by glaring at the British public through the glass of its cage. All I can say is, there were two puff-adders in the Divorce Court that day—the Christian name of one began with H, of the other with J. The old Judge did not make things better by having a long wrangle with Dr. Dodge as to whether or no the age of the two ladies was admissible as evidence; and certainly Dr. Lobb did not at all soothe the feelings of the two Misses Barber by arguing the question with singular pertinacity. When this little matter was settled, Dr. Dodge proceeded with the examination.
Dr. D. “Will you be good enough to tell the Jury, Mrs. Barber, what kind of treatment you met with from your husband’s relatives—from the two Misses Barber, I mean?”
Mrs. B. “They were very unkind to me from the first; but not so bad as afterwards.”
Dr. D. “Not so bad as afterwards. Mention some facts, madam, if you please, to the Jury.”
Mrs. B. “The very first evening I was there, Miss Harriet upset an ink-bottle over my mauve silk, and I saw she did it on purpose: it was all jealousy, for you never saw two such frights as they were. All the evening, too, Miss Jane kept telling me that no person could be said to be ‘born’ out of Cornwall; and, as for the Irish nobility, they were the very ‘dregs’—that was to annoy me about papa’s cousin, Viscount Poteen; and, at night, they would put me to bed themselves, and they came into my room in two dirty flannel dressing-gowns, with their own heads all stuck over with curl-papers, and they would do my hair in the same way—and they pulled my head about till I quite screamed with pain.”
Dr. D. “But did not your husband—did not Mr. Barber, interfere for your protection? You told him, of course, what had occurred?”
Mrs. B. “Of course I did—but he told me not to mind the two old cats—that was his very word—for he had only come down to Cornwall to discount them. I didn’t know what he meant; but, at any rate, I was to let them pull my hair out by the roots if they chose—so they bled freely—but I thought I was the most likely person to bleed if that went on.”
Dr. D. “These were the occurrences of the first night of your stay at Poldadek. Proceed, Mrs. Barber—afterwards?”
Mrs. B. “Oh! afterwards things got much worse, though I confess I was to blame in some measure—but I was such a mere child at the time, and the old ladies had teased me so. One day they took away the keys of my trunks, and made me go to bed at seven o’clock because (playfully)—I knew it was very wrong of me—I had taken Miss Harriet’s front and tied it to Fido’s tail.”
Miss Harriet started up like a tigress at bay.
Mrs. B. (With increased playfulness,—Mrs. B. carried the Court with her). “And then I took Miss Jane’s false teeth—the whole set. Oh! it was very wrong of me—and slipped them into the tea-pot at breakfast.”
Miss Jane also stood up by the side of her sister, and glared savagely at Mrs. Barber, but they might have been a thousand miles away for all the notice they obtained from that lady, who looked rather over them, just as if they were not there in Court bursting with venom, and proceeded with her self-accusation.
Mrs. B. “That was very wrong of me—very—very wrong—but I always said it was not my fault, if I knew that the new curate, Mr. Copeward, told Miss Jane in the breakfast-parlour, that he wouldn’t have anything to say to her, because she was too old for him.”
The Misses B. “Oh! my Lord, it’s false—it’s a wicked, abominable invention. Oh! you horrid, shameless, false, abandoned creature.”
