that backing of your friends? a plague vpon such backing: giue me them that will face me. Giue me a Cup of Sack, I am a Rogue if I drunke to day.
Prin.
O Villaine, thy Lippes are scarce wip'd, since thou drunk'st last.
Falst.
All's one for that.He drinkes.
A plague of all Cowards still, say I.
Prince.
What's the matter?
Falst.
What's the matter? here be foure of vs, haue ta'ne a thousand pound this Morning.
Prince.
Where is it, Iack? where is it?
Falst.
Where is it? taken from vs, it is: a hundred vpon poore foure of vs.
Prince.
What, a hundred, man?
Falst.
I am a Rogue, if I were not at halfe Sword with a dozen of them two houres together. I haue scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the Doublet, foure through the Hose, my Buckler cut through and through, my Sword hackt like a Hand-saw, ecce signum. I neuer dealt better since I was a man: all would not doe. A plague of all Cowards: let them speake; if they speake more or lesse then truth, they are villaines, and the sonnes of darknesse.
Prince.
Speake sirs, how was it?
Gad.
We foure set vpon some dozen.
Falst.
Sixteene, at least, my Lord.
Gad.
And bound them.
Peto.
No, no, they were not bound.
Falst.
You Rogue, they were bound, euery man of them, or I am a Iew else, an Ebrew Iew.
Gad.
As we were sharing, some sixe or seuen fresh men set vpon vs.
Falst.
And vnbound the rest, and then come in the other.
Prince.
What, fought yee with them all?
Falst.
All? I know not what yee call all: but if I fought not with fiftie of them, I am a bunch of Radish: if there were not two or three and fiftie vpon poore olde Iack, then am I no two-legg'd Creature.
Poin.
Pray Heauen, you haue not murthered some of them.
Falst.
Nay, that's past praying for, I haue pepper'd two of them: Two I am sure I haue payed, two Rogues in Buckrom Sutes. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a Lye, spit in my face, call me Horse: thou knowest my olde word: here I lay, and thus I bore my point; foure Rogues in Buckrom let driue at me.
Prince.
What, foure? thou sayd'st but two, euen now.
Falst.
Foure Hal, I told thee foure.
Poin.
I, I, he said foure.
Falst.
These foure came all a-front, and mainely thrust at me; I made no more adoe, but tooke all their seuen points in my Targuet, thus.
Prince.
Seuen? why there were but foure, euen now.
Falst.
In buckrom.
Poin.
I, foure, in Buckrom Sutes.
Falst.
Seuen, by these Hilts, or I am a Villaine else.
Prin.
Prethee let him alone, we shall haue more anon.
Falst.
Doest thou heare me, Hal?
Prin.
I, and marke thee too, Iack.
Falst.
Doe so, for it is worth the listning too: these nine in Buckrom, that I told thee of.
Prin.
So, two more alreadie.
Falst.
Their Points being broken.
Poin.
Downe fell his Hose.
Falst.
Began to giue me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought, seuen of the eleuen I pay'd.
Prin.
O monstrous! eleuen Buckrom men growne out of two?
Falst.
But as the Deuill would haue it, three mis-begotten Knaues, in Kendall Greene, came at my Back, and let driue at me; for it was so darke, Hal, that thou could'st not see thy Hand.
Prin.
These Lyes are like the Father that begets them, grosse as a Mountaine, open, palpable. Why thou Clay-brayn'd Guts, thou Knotty-pated Foole, thou Horson obscene greasie Tallow Catch.
Falst.
What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth, the truth?
Prin.
Why, how could'st thou know these men in Kendall Greene, when it was so darke, thou could'st not see thy Hand? Come, tell vs your reason: what say'st thou to this?
Poin.
Come, your reason Iack, your reason.
Falst.
What, vpon compulsion? No: were I at the Strappado, or all the Racks in the World, I would not tell you on compulsion. Giue you a reason on compulsion? If Reasons were as plentie as Black-berries, I would giue no man a Reason vpon compulsion, I.
Prin.
Ile be no longer guiltie of this sinne. This sanguine Coward, this Bed-presser, this Hors-back-breaker, this huge Hill of Flesh.
Falst.
Away you Starueling, you Elfe-skin, you dried Neats tongue, Bulles-pissell, you stocke-fish: O for breth to vtter. What is like thee? You Tailors yard, you sheath you Bow-case, you vile standing tucke.
Prin.
Well, breath a-while, and then to't againe: and when thou hast tyr'd thy selfe in base comparisons, heare me speake but thus.
Poin.
Marke Iacke.
Prin.
We two, saw you foure set on foure and bound them, and were Masters of their Wealth: mark now how a plaine Tale shall put you downe. Then did we two, set on you foure, and with a word, outfac'd you from your prize, and haue it: yea, and can shew it you in the House. And Falstaffe, you caried your Guts away as nimbly, with as quicke dexteritie, and roared for mercy, and still ranne and roar'd, as euer I heard Bull-Calfe. What a Slaue art thou, to hacke thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight. What trick? what deuice? what starting hole canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparant shame?
Poines.
Come, let's heare Iacke: What tricke hast thou now?
Fal.
I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why heare ye my Masters, was it for me to kill the Heire apparant? Should I turne vpon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware Instinct, the Lion will not touch the true Prince: Instinct is a great matter. I was a Coward on Instinct: I shall thinke the better of my selfe, and thee, during my life: I, for a valiant Lion, and thou for a true Prince. But Lads, I am glad you haue the Mony. Hostesse, clap to the doores: watch to night, pray to morrow. Gallants, Lads, Boyes, Harts of Gold, all the good Titles of Fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? shall we haue a Play extempory.
Prin.
Content, and the argument shall be, thy runing away.
Fal.
A, no more of that Hall, and thou louest me.
Enter Hostesse
Host.
My Lord, the Prince?
