Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 25.pdf/66

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Ye Fallen Pirate

55

"Tis little use." he sobbing said, For I be lost forever more!" "A Lawyer now, but in my youth (At last I speak out bold & plain) I was (good Parson, hear the truth!) A Pirate on ye Spanish Main!" Our Parson sighed. "Why not retrace Ye path by which ye fell so low? By far ye swiftest road to grace Is that on which we travel slow. "One upward step is plain to see, For what ye lost ye must regain; Go back, O Lawyer Kayne. & be A Pirate on ye Spanish Main!" Clyde, 0.

On the Judgment of One's Peers

MY dear Man: —'. As a remembrancer of your twenty-first birthday I send, along with my affectionate congratulations, Ches terfield's "Letters" and Machiavelli's "Prince," prompted by the spirit of an anecdote related in a third literary classic, albeit a minor one, which de lighted my boyhood as well as yours. I mean dear, goody-goody "Sandford and Merton." You will remember the story of a wealthy gentleman who, bloated and almost helpless from indulgence of appe tite, was recommended to a celebrated physician for treatment. Going to the latter's house the patient was shown into a waiting room whose door, connecting with the dining-room, was ajar. The doctor was entertaining a company of poor people at a sumptuous meal and urged them to eat and drink heartily.

The sybarite was delighted at the pros pect for himself, only to be disillusioned when placed upon the diet of an anchor ite and forced to perform physical exer cise which in his gouty condition was torture. I would not recommend the writings of these arch-worldlings to your cousin, Horace. I have often told you he is not at all like my brother but takes after his mother's family. He crooks the pregnant hinges of the knee so naturally that I am sure he was born morally bow-legged. Your case and his demand different didactics and for you I venture to prescribe even the writings of one who reminds a conquering prince as a matter of course to extirpate the family of the conquered prince, and of the noble Lord who counsels his son to flatter people behind their backs in the