THE PICKWICK CLUB. 257
threatened to commit him, instantly. It's a dangerous thing laughing at the wrong man, in these cases.
" Where do you live? " said the magistrate. '• Vare-ever I can," replied Sam.
" Put down that, Mr. Jinks," said the magistrate, who was fast rising into a rage.
" Score it under," said Sam.
'* He is a vagabond, Mr. Jinks," said the magistrate. ** He is a vaga- bond on his own statement, is he not, Mr. Jinks ? " " Certainly, Sir."
Then 1 11 commit him — I'll commit him, as such," said Mr. Nupkins.
" This is a wery impartial country for justice," said Sam. " There ain't a magistrate going, as don't commit himself, twice as often as he commits other people.'*
At this sally another special laughed, and then tried to look so super- naturally solemn, that the magistrate detected him immediately.
" Grummer," said Mr. Nupkins, reddening with passion, " how dare you select such an inefficient and disreputable person for a special con- table, as that man ? How dare you do it, Sir ? "
" J am very sorry, your wash-up," stammered Grummer. " Very sorry I " said the furious magistrate. " You shall repent of this neglect of duty, Mr. Grummer ; you shall be made an example of. Take that fellow's staff away. He's drunk. You're drunk, fellow." " I am not drunk, your worship," said the man. " You are drunk," returned the magistrate. " How dare you say you are not drunk, Sir, when 1 say you are ? Doesn't he smell of spirits, Grummer? "
" Horrid, your wash-up," replied Grumraer, who had a vague im- pression that there was a smell of rum somewhere.
I knew he did," said Mr. Nupkins. " I saw he was drunk when he first came into the room, by his excited eye. Did you observe his excited eye, Mr. Jinks ? " " Certainly, Sir."
- ' I haven't touched a drop of spirits this morning," said the man, who
was as sober a fellow as need be.
" How dare you tell me a falsehood ? " said Mr. Nupkins. " Is n't he drunk at this moment, Mr. Jinks ? "
- Certainly, Sir," replied Jinks.
" Mr. Jinks," said the magistrate, *' I shall commit that man, for contempt. Make out his committal, Mr. Jinks."
And committed the special would have been, only Jinks, who was the magistrate's adviser, having had a legal education of three years in a country attorney's office, whispered the magistrate that he thought it wouldn't do ; so the magistrate made a speech, and said, that in consi- deration of the special's family, he would merely reprimand and discharge him. Accordingly, the special was abused vehemently for a quarter of an hour, and sent about his business : and Grummer, Dubbley, Muzzle,
