Sleeping Beauty (Howard)
A special train, a chair car, occupied by students. An upperclassman is attempting to sleep.
Upperclassman: “Things have quieted down and I’ll get a chance for a nap.”
A class-mate: “Hey, wake up! All out for Hunkusville!”
Upperclassman: “Aw, set on a tack.” He dozes.
A Freshman begins blowing a horn.
Upperclassman: “Enough is too darned much!” He chases all the Freshmen out. He dozes.
Upperclassman is snoring contentedly.
Somebody drops the brsses of the brass drum.
Upperclassman: “Who—what—hey, what time is it?”
The porter: “One-thirty, suh.”
Upperclassman: “Fine. Everybody’s asleep now. Now for a good nap.” He dozes. The train whistles for a station.
Upperclassman: “Curses!” He dozes.
A few minutes later. A flock of girls come through.
Girls (supposedly singing): “I gotta gal, her name is Lulu! I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!”
Upperclassman jumps seven feet out of seat: “Ye gods, what next!”
Girls: “Seventeenth verse, same as the, I love Lulu” —exit.
Upperclassman: “Applesauce.” He dozes.
Upperclassman sleeping. Girls return.
Girls, still singing: “Seven hundredth verse, same as the, I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!”
Upperclassman develops deep and snduring hatred for the name Lulu.
Upperclassman: “Hey, what time is it?”
The porter: “Two-thirty, suh.”
Upperclassman: How much longer before we pull in?”
The porter: “One two hours, suh.”
Girls: “Here’s a nice place to sit; you don’t mind do you?”
They sing: “Eight hundredth verse, same as the first—“
Upperclassman: “No, I don’t mind.” Grinds teeth and bites hunks out of chiar arm.
One hour later.
Girls: “Seven thousandth verse, same as the first, I gotta girl, her name is Lulu, I love Lulu—“
Upperclassman: Conductor, is there no chance at all for a train robbery, hold-ups, murders and all that you know?”
Conductor: “No chance at all, sir.”