The Woodpecker (1825)/Advice to lasses

AN ADVICE TO LASSES
Air—Logan Streams.

Come all and listen, the news is sad,
⁠for our young men are surely mad
There flesh is very nigh their bones—
⁠they feed your lasses on tough scones.

Now since you have the tooth-ach ta'en,
⁠and ye can hardly walk your lane:
The scones we would have rather boil'd,
⁠than ha'en your teeth so sorely spoil'd.

Young lasses you have now ga'en mad:
⁠to tell your teeth so soon turned bad;
You'll no get sale but in the dark—
⁠for we'er afraid you have lost mark.

You must go now and burn your jaws,
⁠then file your teeth like the auld saws;
For if that you cannot eat scones,
⁠you'll no can gang through our Carse loans.

O lasies you must now take care,
⁠your head and teeth are spoil't so sair;
Do not eat any thing that's tough,
⁠since your young mouths' are turned so rough.

Your teeth are chatter'd now so sair,
⁠you'll have to eat something that's rare;
You must get meat that's saft and fine—
⁠on sowans and butler you must dine.

If we can neither call nor pay,
⁠no longer in this place we'el stay;
To come to you we'er fairly set,
⁠the change-house breeding for to get.

Since on our breeding you're so sair,
⁠a lesson fit you must prepare;
To come for that to such a place,
⁠is ga'en to diel for to seek grace —

O we will keep our heads abean.
⁠and will not wear a' your auld shoon;
For a' your din and a' your jaws:
⁠keep your ain fish-guts to your ain sea maws.

O lasses now take our advice,
⁠for now's the time for to be wise;
If scones and ale you get by chance,
⁠learn to think twice, or you speak twice.

Then ye may jaw as lang's you like,
⁠and sport a-while at boag or dyke;
Do not begin for to tell lies—
⁠mind a close mouth doth catch no flies.

Our song to end we do prepare,
⁠we don't pretend to have much lair-
We dinna like to let you gang,
⁠Wi'a that jaw ye have so lang.

FINIS.