me! . . . Oh! my Jean you must forgive me. . . . It
is not my fault, I assure you. . . . Try to recall. . . .
Did you ever warn me, even once? . . . Did you ever
show me even once the way which I should follow?
Through weakness, through fear of losing me, through
excessive and criminal kindness, you have yielded to
all my whims, even the most wicked ones. . . . How
could I know that it was wrong, when you have never
told me anything? . . . Instead of stopping me on
the brink of the precipice where I was headed, you
yourself have pushed me into it. . . . What example
have you placed before my eyes? . . . Whither have
you led me? . . . Have you ever tried to take me out
of this alarming atmosphere of debauchery? . . . Why
didn't you chase Jesselin or Gabrielle out of our house,
all those degenerates whose very presence only helped
to increase my wickedness? . . . To breathe into me
a particle of your own soul, to send a ray of light
into the darkness of my brains that is what you
should have done! . . . Yes, you should have given
me another life, you should have made me over
again! . . . I am guilty, my Jean! . . . And I am so
ashamed of myself that I can never hope to be able
to atone for the infamy of this evil hour even with a
whole life of sacrifice and repentance. . . . But you!
. . . Is your conscience satisfied that you have done
your duty? . . . I dread not the expiation of my sins. . . . On the contrary I welcome it, I want it. . . . But you? . . . Can you sit in judgment over a crime which I admit I have committed, but in which you, too, have had a part since you have not done anything to prevent it! . . . My dear beloved, listen to me. . . . This body which I have attempted to defile horrifies you; hereafter you will not be able to look at it without rage and anguish. . . . All right then, let it perish! . . . Let it rot in the oblivion of a graveyard! . . . There
