Page:Literary Lapses - Leacock - 1919.djvu/133

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at about the same time as the early Calithumpians. They have left some awfully stupendous monuments of themselves somewhere.

Life of Cæsar: A famous Roman general, the last who ever landed in Britain without being stopped at the custom house. On returning to his Sabine farm (to fetch something), he was stabbed by Brutus, and died with the words "Veni, vidi, tekel, upharsim" in his throat. The jury returned a verdict of strangulation.

Life of Voltaire: A Frenchman; very bitter.

Life of Schopenhauer: A German; very deep; but it was not really noticeable when he sat down.

Life of Dante: An Italian; the first to introduce the banana and the class of street organ known as "Dante's Inferno."

Peter the Great, Alfred the Great, Frederick the Great, John the Great, Tom the Great, Jim the Great, Jo the Great, etc., etc.

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It is impossible for a busy man to keep these apart. They sought a living as kings and apostles and pugilists and so on.

 

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