me silly and purposeless; for a person hired by me could never take the place in my imagination of a “cruel mistress.” I doubt whether there are sadistically constituted women like Sacher-Masoch’s heroines. But, if there were such women, and I had the fortune (!) to find one, still, in a world of reality, intercourse with her would always seem only like a farce to me. Indeed, I can say that, were I to become the slave of a Messalina, I believe that, owing to the other necessary renunciations, my desired manner of life would soon pall on me, and in my lucid intervals I should try to obtain my freedom at all hazards.
Yet I have found a way in which to induce, in a certain sense, a realization. After my sexual desire has been intensely excited by reveling in my fancy, I go to a prostitute and there call up before my mind’s eye, with great intensity, some scene of the kind mentioned, in which I play the principal rôle. After thinking of such a situation for about half an hour, with a constantly resulting erection, I perform coitus with increased lustful pleasure and strong ejaculation. After the latter, the vision fades away. Ashamed, I depart as quickly as possible, and try not to think of the affair. Then, for about two weeks, I have no more such ideas; indeed, after a particularly satisfactory coitus, it may happen that, until the next attack, I have no sympathy whatever with masochistic ideas. But the next attack is sure to come sooner or later. I must, however, state that I also have coitus without being prepared by such ideas, especially, too, with women that are acquainted with me and my position, and in whose presence I abhor such fancies. Under the latter circumstances, however, I am not always potent, while, with masochistic ideas, my virility is perfect. It does not seem superfluous to add that otherwise, in my thought and feeling, I am very æsthetic, and despise anything like maltreatment of a human being. Finally, I will not leave unmentioned the fact that the form of address is of importance. In my fancies it is essential that the “mistress” address me in the second person (Du), while I must address her in the third (Sie). This circumstance of being thus familiarly addressed (Du) by a person so inclined, as the expression of absolute mastery, has, from my youth, given me lustful pleasure, and does to-day.
I had the fortune to find a wife who is in everything, but especially sexually, attractive to me; though, as I scarcely need say, she in no way resembles my masochistic ideal. She is gentle, but proud; for without the latter characteristic I cannot conceive such a thing as sexual charm. The first few months of married life were normal sexually; the masochistic attacks did not occur, and I had almost lost all thought of masochism. Then came the first confinement and the necessary abstinence. Punctually, then, with the occurrence of libido, came the masochistic fancies again, which, in spite of my great love for my wife, necessitated coitus with another, with the accompaniment of masochistic ideas. It is here worthy of note that coitus maritalis, which was later resumed,