With the diminution in the desire for women, the attractiveness of youths increased.
“Since I had had, since my sixteenth year, frequent pollutions at night with dreams,—in part of women and in part of men,—which weakened and depressed me exceedingly, I desired to make an end of them by means of normal coitus. But scruples and the belief that prostitutes would have no effect on me, kept me from the brothel until my twenty-first year. For two or three years I went through a daily struggle (if there had been male houses of prostitution, no scruples would have hindered me). Finally I visited a brothel. I could not even induce erection; for one reason because the girl, though she was unusually fresh and pretty for a prostitute, did not affect me; but really because she would not kiss me on the mouth. I was very much depressed, and thought I was impotent. Three weeks afterward I visited another prostitute, and she immediately induced erection by her kiss. She was erect and had thick lips, and was much more sensual than the first one. After only three minutes of simple kissing, mouth to mouth, ejaculation was induced,—of course, ante portam. Thus it was only after I had visited prostitutes about seven times that I was successful in coitus.
“At one time I would have no erection at all, because the girl made no impression on me; again I would ejaculate prematurely. The first times I was reluctant penem introducere; and, too, even after I was successful in normal coitus, I found no pleasure in it. Sensual satisfaction comes with kissing on the mouth; for me this is the principal thing, coitus serving only as something secondary to embracing. Coitus, no matter how much the woman might charm me, would be an indifferent matter without kissing; indeed, erection disappears, or does not occur at all, when the woman will not kiss on the mouth. Yet, I cannot kiss every woman, but only such as have faces pleasing to me; a prostitute, the sight of whom is repugnant to me, with any amount of kissing, which then only disgusts me, cannot excite me.
“Thus, during the last four years, I have visited brothels about every ten days or two weeks. Only seldom does coitus fail; for I have learned my peculiarities, and in the choice of a prostitute know immediately whether she will excite me or have no effect. Of late, however, it has again happened that I thought the woman would stimulate me, and yet no erection occurred. This happened when, the day before, I had to repress too forcibly the desire for men.
“At first, when I went to brothels, the sensual pleasure was very slight; only a very few times did I have true lustful feeling (as in kissing previously). Now, on the contrary, for the most part I experience sensual pleasure. The lower houses have a particular charm for me; for of late the coarseness of the women, the dark entrance, the yellow light of the lamps, and all the surroundings, have a peculiar charm for me; probably because my sensuality is unconsciously excited by meet-