tion of Livia. She turned and wound me just according to her own inclination; my thoughts were almost all swallowed up in the contemplation of her charms, and my desires wholly centred in her happiness; and yet, in spite of all my fondness, a sigh would sometimes steal from my breast when the idea of my children forced itself on my fancy. I made no scruple of disclosing whatever I felt to Livia; but whenever I spoke of you, she constantly grew melancholy, took care to drop expressions (and they appeared to flow from the height of her love) as if no behaviour of hers could fix my whole affections; but that she found even undutifulness to me, and the most abandoned actions, could not erase from my mind the persons I loved so much better than her. In short, it is impossible to describe half the arts she made use of that I might never mention or think of you. Fits, tears, and good humour were played upon me, each in their turn, till I was almost out of my senses; but if ever her behaviour provoked me to be the least suspicious of her, the next moment her smiles threw my soul into raptures, and every other thought gave way to the delight and joy she inspired me with.
"All the money I could get she spent in her extravagance; till at last I found I could support it no longer, and was obliged to keep in my own house for fear of my creditors. I durst not so much as mention you, for fear of shocking Livia; and all this I was blind enough to impute to her great tenderness for me. But poverty, the continual fear of seeing her miserable, and the horrible thought which sometimes forced itself upon me of what could become of my children, had such an effect on me that it threw me into violent disorders and made me quite unhealthy. I was in the utmost despair how to support her or myself.
