36^ ANNUAL REGISTER, 1758.
the mother hasdifcovcred, that her children have not ftrong flomachs. In the morning before my fric;id is up, I generally take a turn upon the gravel walk, where I could wlfh to enjoy my own thoughts without interruption ; but I am here inftaniiy attended by my little tormentors, who foliovv me back- wards and forwards, and play at what they call Running after the Gentleman. My whip, which was a prelent from an old friend, has been lafhed to pieces by one of the boys who is fond of horfes, and the handle is turned into a hobby- horfe. The main-fpring of my re- peating watch has been broke in the nurfery, which, at the mother's requeit, 1 had lent to the youngell: boy, who was jull breeched, and who cried to wear it. The mother's attention to the chiidien entirely deftroys all converfation : and once, as an amufement for the evenings, we attempted to begin reading Tom Jones, but were interrupted, in the fecond page, by httle Sammy, who is fullered to whip his top in the parlour. I am known to be trou- bled with violent head-achs ; not- withftanding which, another of the boys, without notice given, or any regard paid to the company, is per- mitted to break out into the bray- ing of an afs, for which the ftrength of his lungs is commend- ed ; and a little mifs, at break- faft, is allowed to drink up all the cream, and put her fingers into the fugar-difh, becaufe (he was once fckly.' I am teazed with fapiiliari- ties, which I can only repay with a frown ; and pellered with the pe- tu ance of ludicrous prattle, in which I am unqualified to join. It is whifptred in the family, that I am a mighty good fort of man, but that 1 cannot talk to children.
Nor am J the only perfon who faf- fers from this folly; a neighbour- ing clergyman, of great merit and modelty, and much acquainted in the family, has received hints to forbear coming to the houfe, becaufe little tukey always cries when Ihe fees him, and has told her mama, fhe can't bear that ugly parjon.
Mrs. Qualm, my friend's wife, the mother cf this hopeful offspring, is perpetually breeding; or rather her whole exigence is fpent in a feries of great bellies, lyings-in, vifitings, churchings, and chnllen- ings. Every trsnfaction of her life is dated from her feveral pregnan- cies. The grandmother, and the man-midwife, a ferious lenfible man, conltantly refide in the bouie, to be always ready on thefe folemn occafjons. She boalls, that no fa- mily has ever lent out more nume- rous advertifements for norfes itv/i^ ajine hreaji of milk. As her long- ings have of late been in the vege- table way, the garden is cultivated for this purpofe alone, and totally filled with forward peafe, and me- lon-gliiTes, in hopes that fhe may luckily long for what is at hand. She preferves, to the utmoil, the prerogative of frequent pregnancy, and confcious of the dignity and im- portance of being often big. exerts an abfohue authority over ner hul- band. He was once a keen fox- hunter, but has long ago dropped his hounds ; his wife having re- monftrated, that his early rifing dif- turbed the family unfeafonably, and having dreamed that he broke his leg in leaping a ditch.
I revere Mrs. Qualm as a mo- : ther, and cnlyuifh I could recom- \ mend her as the manager of chil- dren. I hope this letter may fall into her hands, to convince her
how
