time you're bound to get caught in this shower. Then I found my transport officer, 'is face going in and out in the red light. 'E was smoking a cigarette, and 'e told me my job. 'E gave me my cargo. I just 'ad to take 'em out and dump 'em. 'Where shall I take 'em, sir?'
"'Take 'em out of this, take 'em anywhere, take 'em where you damn like, Jones, take 'em to hell, but take 'em away,' says he.
"So I loaded up. Wounded Tommies, gassed Arabs, some women and children, and a few lunatics, genuine cock-eyed loonies, from the asylum. The shells chased us out. One biffed us over on to the two rear wheels, but we dropped back on four on the top speed. Several times I bumped over soft things in the road, and felt rather sick. We got out o' the town with the shrapnel a bit in front all the way. Then the old 'bus jibbed for a bit. Every time a shell burst near us the lunatics screamed and laughed and clapped their hands, and trod on the wounded. But I got 'er going again. I got 'er to Poperhinge. Two soldiers died on the way, and a lunatic had fallen out somewhere, and a baby was born in the 'bus; and me with no ruddy conductor or midwife.
"I met our chaplain, and says he: 'Jones, you want a drink. Come with me and have a Scotch syrup.' That was a good drink. I 'ad the best part of 'arf a bottle without water, an' it done me no 'arm. Next mornin' I found I'd put in the night on the parson's bed in me boots, and 'e was asleep on the floor."
