Smith an " old cat," justified Betsy in hitting the other party had only one daughter and she wasn't pretty. But the Colonel wanted Molly on the nose, and grave will be his de liberations. But wait until he has had a to make sure, surer, so he put on an outside week's dosing of tin-pot assault and battery witness who swore to the cow, having bored But the cases, and he has wider views, and his vote her horns for " hollow-horn." (the lawyer opposing the generally is " acquit and divide the costs. late Bob They'll know enough to keep out of court Colonel) was an old granger and knew lots about cows, and casually inquired of the next time." witness, " I suppose you saw the holes in her Then I remember where a lawyer in Com mon Pleas lost the case he would have won, horns?" " No," said the witness, " but I saw had he not put a nasty-tempered, nagging, the marks of where they had grown up." spitfire woman witness on the stand. The "Ah, all right," said Bob, and immediately , who was the clerk of the law seemed all straight for his side, and the called for was much amused, as he im evidence preponderated on that side, but the court. jury saw right off that this spitfire woman mediately saw through Bob's game and took was at the bottom of the row, and agreed the stand. " Mr. , you are an old farmer?" "Yes, sir." "You have known that her mother-in-law was eminently justi fied in leaving her husband who would keep horns bored for hollow-horn?" "Yes, sir." such a daughter in his house to torment her " Did you ever know of one where the holes mother-in-law, and as one juryman said, "If grew up?" " No, sir, the holes will never it is the law, that a woman must put up with grow up if the cow should live to be an being deviled half out of her life by a hel- hundred." Bob scouted around the court licat like that, that I would rather hang my room, picked up every old stockman and self than live with, then .... the law " (the farmer he knew, all swore as did Mr. , question was : had the husband lost his and Bob won his case out of hand. "courtesy" in his deceased wife's estate, by I remember how the late Hon. Welty her leaving him in consequence of his per demolished a consequential, selfrimportant secution? and the jury decided that he had witness who had sworn to the good charac "abandoned " her by abandoning her to the ter of a defendant that Welty was prosecut persecution of this infernal daughter). ing. This witness was then, and long had been, engaged in floating all sorts of wildcat The funniest case your " Disgusted Lay man " ever knew of a lawyer (and a tip-top railroad schemes, and swore to having known one too) losing his case for himself, was in this defendant in connection with " railroad ," said Welty, a suit about the identity, and consequent enterprises." " Stop ownership, of a cow. The case had knocked 1 "what were these 'railroad enterprises'? Was there any dirt dug, or did they have about from court to court until it was a ques tion of three or four hundred dollars costs, any iron laid, or own any cars? or were they not just a cow. The late Col. had just some of these [the witness' name] his case won : his client has several pretty air-lines? " The Court was convulsed. daughters who all swore they had milked A Disgusted Layman. the cow, knew she was "pap's," etc., while
