unless one accepts it as a trial sent by God."[1] The calm state which was created through the influence of these thoughts was only short-lived. His heart began soon again to pain and he "wants to cry over himself, over the remnant of his life which is being futilely ruined."[2]
His surrounding life[3] which tortured him called forth long periods of agony, dejection and fall of spirits. But with the thoughts about love towards enemies,[4] there came to him the urge to look upon his work, as the work of love which was given to him, and again peace possessed him, "because a loving one."[5] But soon again this peace became principally an outer one, and within himself he again wavered.[6] Again he is "ashamed and depressed because of the consciousness of the lawlessness of his life."[7]
After a month, he makes an entry in his Journal, but tears it out, putting only the words, "A bad and sterile month" and adds, "Have torn out, burned, what I have written in heat."[8] Then for a long time he wrote nothing, and during this time
he "lived through much that was difficult and good."[9] On the 8th of July he wrote his very famous letter to his wife, which she received after his death,[10] which began with the words, "It
- ↑ December 20, 1896, page 108.
- ↑ December 21, 1896, page 108.
- ↑ January 18, 1897, page 117.
- ↑ March 1, 1897, page 135.
- ↑ March 9, 1897, page 404.
- ↑ April 4 and 9, 1897, page 137.
- ↑ April 4, 1897, page 137.
- ↑ May 3, 1897, page 139.
- ↑ July 16, 1897, page 140.
- ↑ This letter was published in many editions among others in
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