Page:The Power of Sexual Surrender.pdf/100

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having heard that her church had psychiatric services. The pastor had gained her admission to a group-therapy project run by a psychologist. The group was made up of women who had encountered some difficulty in their lives with their husbands and children.

The patient had attended the group for four months and then had had to leave, for her husband's job had been transferred to another part of the state. The letter, sent to members of the group, arrived three months after her departure. I have received special permission from this ex-*patient to reproduce this letter on the understanding that the names originally mentioned in it be changed.


Dear, dear Friends:

I will leave out all the details of our move here except to say that we are all settled down and in our wonderful new home. Anyway, I can't wait to tell you that I am going to have a baby. It is a constant astonishment to me, for it is so different from my expectations. It all happened so easily. I don't quite know how, but my fears and worries have left completely. I didn't know life could be like this. I must be a new person. If the doctor hadn't told me to stay relatively quiet I would be dancing in the streets. Sam says I sound like a honeymooner, but he's really delighted. To think what I have deprived both of us of because of a lot of nonsense!

The strangest thing is that I can't remember the things I used to talk about in the group. I wonder if this happens to everybody. I keep asking myself: What was so painful? What was it that made me always angry with Sam? And I've found a new deep love for my mother. I am not angry with her, only sorry that she had to miss so much. You probably won't remember, but when I asked my mother how she had felt when she was pregnant she had said quite sharply to me: "Put such thoughts out of your mind. You're young, so enjoy yourself. You'll know all about it soon enough, too soon." The reply seemed so ominous and foreboding to me. Plus the fact that she was constantly complaining about all things female. I guess I had picked up her