OF INVOLUNTARY BLISS 233
I longed for frost and winter : ' Would that frost and winter would make me again crack and groan,' I sighed. Then icy fogs rose from me.
My past hath broken its graves ; many a pain buried alive hath awakened. It had merely slept its fill, hidden in corpse's clothes.
Thus all reminded me by signs : 'It is time ! ' But I heard not; until at last mine abyss moved and my thought bit me.
Oh, abyss-like thought which art my thought ! When shall I find the strength to hear thee dig, and to tremble no more ?
Up to my throat throbbeth my heart when I hear thee dig ! Thy silence even will throttle me, thou who art silent as an abyss !
Never yet have I dared to call thee upward. It was enough that I carried thee with me ! Not yet was I strong enough for the utmost overflowing spirit and wantonness of the lion.
Enough of horror for me thy gravity hath ever been. But one day yet shall I find the strength and the voice of a lion to call thee up !
When once I shall have overcome myself in this respect, I shall also overcome myself in that greater matter ; and a victory shall be the seal of my perfection !
In the meantime, I sail about on uncertain seas ; chance flattereth me with its smooth tongue ; forward and backward I gaze, not yet do I see any end.
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