The Genuine Remains in Verse and Prose of Mr. Samuel Butler/Volume 1/The Elephant in the Moon—A Satyr—in short Verse
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For other versions of this work, see The Elephant in the Moon.
A Learn'd Society of late,
The Glory of a foreign State,
Agreed, upon a Summer's Night,
To search the Moon by her own Light;
5 To take an Invent'ry of all
Her real Estate, and personal;
And make an accurate Survey
Of all her Lands, and how they lay,
As true as that of Ireland, where[2]
10 The sly Surveyors stole a Shire;
T'observe her Country, how 'twas planted,
With what sh'abounded most, or wanted;
And make the proper'st Observations,
For settling of new Plantations,[3]
10 If the Society should incline
T'attempt so glorious a Design.
This was the Purpose of their meeting,
For which they chose a Time as fitting;
When, at the Full, her radiant Light
20 And Influence too were at their Height.
And now the lofty Tube, the Scale
With which they Heav'n itself assail,[4]
Was mounted full against the Moon;
And all stood ready to fall on,
25 Impatient who should have the Honour
To plant an Ensign first upon her.
When one, who for his deep Belief
Was Virtuoso then in chief,[5]
Approv'd the most profound, and wise
30 To solve Impossibilities,
Advancing gravely, to apply
To th' optick glass his judging Eye,
Cry'd strange!—then reinforc'd his Sight
Against the Moon with all his Might,
35 And bent his penetrating Brow,
As if he meant to gaze her through.
When all the rest began t'admire,
And, like a Train, from him took Fire,
Surpriz'd with Wonder, beforehand,
40 At what they did not understand,
Cry'd out, impatient to know what
The Matter was, they wonder'd at.
Quoth he, th' Inhabitants o'th' Moon,
Who, when the Sun shines hot at Noon,
45 Do live in Cellars underground[6]
Of eight Miles deep, and eighty round,
(In which at once they fortify
Against the Sun, and th’Enemy)
Which they count Towns and Cities there,
50 Because their People's civiler
Than those rude Peasants, that are found
To live upon the upper Ground,
Call'd Privolvans[7], with whom they are
Perpetually in open War;
55 And now both Armies, highly ’nrag'd;
Are in a bloody Fight engag'd;
And many fall on both sides slain,
As by the Glass 'tis clear, and plain.
Look quickly then, that every one
60 May see the Fight, before 'tis done.
With that a great Philosopher,
Admir'd, and famous far and near,
As one of singular Invention,
But universal Comprehension,
65 Apply'd one Eye, and half a Nose
Unto the optick Engine close.
For he had lately undertook
To prove, and publish in a Book,
That Men, whose nat'ral Eyes are out,
70 May, by more pow'rful Art, be brought
To see with th' empty Holes as plain,
As if their Eyes were in again:
And, if they chanc'd to fail of those,
To make an Optick of a Nose;
75 As clearly it may, by those that wear
But Spectacles, be made appear;
By which both Senses being united
Does render them much-better sighted
This great Man, having fix'd both Sights
80 To view the formidable Fights,
Observ'd his best, and then cry'd out,
The Battle's desperately fought:
The gallant Subvolvani rally,
And from their Trenches make a Sally
85 Upon the stubborn Enemy,
Who now begin to rout and fly.
These silly ranting Privolvans,
Have every Summer their Campains,
And muster, like the warlike Sons
90 Of Raw-head and of Bloody-bones,
As numerous as Soland Geese
I' th' Islands of the Orcades,
Couragiously to make a Stand,
And face their Neighbours Hand to Hand;
95 Until the long'd-for Winter's come,
And then return in Triumph home,
And spend the rest o'th' Year in Lies,
And vapouring of their Victories.
From th' old Arcadians th' are believ'd
100 To be, before the Moon, deriv'd;
And when her Orb was new created,
To people her, were thence translated.
For, as th' Arcadians were reputed
Of all the Grecians the most stupid,
105 Whom nothing in the World could bring
To civil Life, but fiddling,[8]
They still retain the antique Course,
And Custom of their Ancestors;
And always sing, and fiddle to
110 Things of the greatest Weight they do.
While thus the learn'd Man entertains
Th' Assembly with the Privolvans;
Another of as great Renown,
And solid Judgment in the Moon;
115 That understood her various Soils,
And which produc'd best Genet-moyles;[9]
And in the Register of Fame
Had enter'd his long-living Name;
After he had por'd long and hard
120 In th' Engine, gave a Start, and star'd—
Quoth he, a stranger Sight appears
Than e're was seen in all the Spheres,
A Wonder more unparalel'd,
Than ever mortal Tube beheld.
125 An Elephant from one of those
Two mighty Armies is broke loose,
And with the Horrour of the Fight
Appears amaz'd, and in a Fright;
Look quickly, lest the Sight of us
130 Should cause the startled Beast t'imboss.[10]
It is a large one, far more great
Than e'er was bred in Afric yet;
From which we boldly may infer,
The Moon is much the fruitfuller.
135 And, since the mighty Pyrrhus brought
Those living Castles first, 'tis thought,
Against the Romans, in the Field,
It may an Argument be held
(Arcadia being but a Piece,
140 As his Dominions were of Greece,)
To prove, what this illustrious Person
Has made so noble a Discourse on;
And amply satisfy'd us all
Of th’ Privolvans Original.
145 That Elephants are in the Moon,
Though we had now discover'd none,
Is easily made manifest;
Since, from the greatest to the least,
All other Stars and Constellations
150 Have Cattle of all sorts of Nations;[11]
And Heav'n, like a Tartar's Horde,
With great and numerous Droves is stor'd
And, if the Moon produce by Nature
A People of so vast a Stature,[12]
155 'Tis consequent, she shou'd bring forth
Far greater Beasts too, than the Earth;
(As by the best Accounts appears
Of all our great'st Discoverers)
And, that those monstrous Creatures there
160 Are not such Rarities as here.
Mean while the rest had had a Sight
Of all Particulars o' th' Fight;
And ev'ry Man with equal Care,
Perus'd of th' Elephant his Share,
165 Proud of his Int'rest in the Glory
Of so miraculous a Story:
When one, who for his Excellence
In height’ning Words and shad'wing Sense,
And magnifying all he writ
170 With curious microscopick Wit,
Was magnify'd himself no less
In home and foreign Colleges,
Began, transported with the Twang
Of his own Trillo, thus t'harangue.
175 Most excellent and virtuous Friends,[13]
This great Discovery makes amends
For all our unsuccessful Pains,
And lost Expence of Time and Brains.
For, by this sole Phænomenon,
180 We've gotten Ground upon the Moon;
And gain'd a Pass, to hold dispute
With all the Planets that stand out;
To carry this most virtuous War,
Home to the Door of every Star,
185 And plant th’ Artillery of our Tubes
Against their proudest Magnitudes;
To stretch our Victories beyond
Th’ Extent of planetary Ground;
And fix our Engines, and our Ensigns
190 Upon the fixt Stars vast Dimensions,
(Which Archimede, so long ago,
Durst not presume to wish to do)
And prove, if they are other Suns,
As some have held Opinions;
195 Or Windows in the Empyreum,
From whence those bright Effluvias come
Like Flames of Fire (as others guess)
That shine i' the Mouths of Furnaces.
Nor is this all, we have atchiev'd,
200 But more, henceforth to be believ'd,
And have no more our best Designs,
Because they're ours, believ'd ill Signs.
T'out-throw, and stretch, and to enlarge
Shall now no more be laid t' our Charge;
205 Nor shall our ablest Virtuosos
Prove Arguments for Coffee-houses;[14]
Nor those Devices, that are laid
Too truly on us, nor those made,
Hereafter gain Belief among
210 Our strictest Judges, right, or wrong;
Nor shall our past Misfortunes more
Be charg'd upon the ancient Score:
No more our making old Dogs young
Make Men suspect us still i' th' Wrong;
215 Nor new-invented Chariots draw [15]
The Boys to course us, without Law;
Nor putting Pigs t' a Bitch to nurse,
To turn 'em into Mungrel-Curs,
Make them suspect, our Sculs are brittle,
220 And hold too much Wit, or too little:
Nor shall our Speculations, whether
An Elder-stick will save the Leather
Of Schoolboy's Breeches from the Rod,
Make all we do appear as odd.
225 This one Discovery's enough,
To take all former Scandals off—
But, since the World's incredulous
Of all our Scrutinies, and us;
And with a Prejudice prevents
230 Our best and worst Experiments;
(As if th' were destin'd to miscarry,
In consort try'd, or solitary)
And since it is uncertain, when
Such Wonders will occur agen,
235 Let us as cautiously contrive,
To draw an exact Narrative
Of what we every one can swear,
Our Eyes themselves have seen appear;
That, when we publish the Account,
240 We all may take our Oaths upon’t.
This said, they all with one Consent,
Agreed to draw up th’ Instrument,
And, for the gen'ral Satisfaction,
To print it in the next Transaction.
245 But, whilst the Chiefs were drawing up
This strange Memoir o'th' Telescope,
One, peeping in the Tube by Chance,
Beheld the Elephant advance,
And, from the West-side of the Moon,
250 To th’East was in a Moment gone.
This b'ing related gave a Stop
To what the rest were drawing up;
And every Man amaz’d anew,
How it could possibly be true,
255 That any Beast should run a Race
So monstrous, in so short a Space,
Resolv'd, howe'er, to make it good,
At least, as possible as he cou'd;
And rather his own Eyes condemn,
260 Than question what h' had seen with them.
While all were thus resolv'd; a Man,
Of great Renown there, thus began———
'Tis strange, I grant! But who can say
What cannot be; what can, and may?
265 Especially at so hugely vast
A Distance, as this Wonder's plac't;
Where the least Error of the Sight
May show Things false, but never right:
Nor can we try them, so far off,
270 By any sublunary Proof.
For who can say, that Nature there
Has the same Laws, she goes by here?
Nor is it like, she has infus'd
In every Species, there produc'd,
275 The same Efforts, she does confer
Upon the same Productions here:
Since those with us, of several Nations,
Have such prodigious Variations;
And she affects so much to use
280 Variety, in all she does.
Hence may b’infer'd, that, tho' I grant
We've seen i’th' Moon an Elephant,
That Elephant may differ so
From those upon the Earth below,
285 Both in his Bulk, and Force, and Speed,
As being of a diff'rent Breed;
That, tho' our own are but slow-pac't,
Theirs there may fly, or run as fast;
And yet be Elephants no less,
290 Than those of Indian Pedigrees.
This said, another of great Worth,
Fam'd for his learned Works put forth,
Look'd wise, then said—All this is true,
And learnedly observ'd by you:
295 But there's another Reason for't,
That falls but very little short
Of mathematick Demonstration,
Upon an accurate Calculation,
And that is—As the Earth and Moon
300 Do both move contrary upon
Their Axes, the Rapidity
Of both their Motions cannot be,
But so prodigiously fast,
That vaster Spaces may be past,
305 In less Time than the Beast has gone,
Though h' had no Motion of his own;
Which we can take no Measure of,
As you have clear'd by learned Proof.
This granted, we may boldly thence
310 Lay claim to a nobler Inference;
And make this great Phænomenon
(Were there no other) serve alone,
To clear the grand Hypothesis
Of th' Motion of the Earth from this.[16]
315 :With this they all were satisfy'd,
As Men are won't o' th' bias'd side,
Applauded the profound Dispute;
And grew more gay and resolute
By having overcome all doubt,
320 Than if it never had fall'n out;
And, to compleat their Narrative,
Agreed t' insert this strange Retrieve.
But, while they were diverted all
With wording the Memorial,
325 The Footboys, for Diversion too,
As having nothing else to do,
Seeing the Telescope at leisure,
Turn'd Virtuosos for their Pleasure;
Began to gaze upon the Moon,
330 As those they waited on, had done,
With Monkeys Ingenuity,
That love to practise, what they see
When one, whose Turn it was to peep,
Saw something in the Engine creep;
335 And, viewing well, discover'd more,
Than all the Learn'd had done before.
Quoth he, a little Thing is slunk
Into the long star-gazing Trunk;
And now is gotten down so nigh,
340 I have him just against mine Eye.
This being overheard by one,
Who was not so far overgrown
In any virtuous Speculation,
To judge with mere Imagination,
345 Immediately he made a Guess
At solving all Appearances,
A Way far more significant,
Than all their Hints of th' Elephant;
And found, upon a second View,
350 His own Hypothesis most true;
For he had scarce apply'd his Eye
To th' Engine, but immediately
He found, a Mouse was gotten in
The hollow Tube, and shut between
355 The two Glass-windows in Restraint
Was swell'd into an Elephant;
And prov'd the virtuous Occasion,
Of all this learned Dissertation.
And, as a Mountain heretofore
360 Was great with Child, they say, and bore
A silly Mouse; this Mouse, as strange,
Brought forth a Mountain, in Exchange.
Mean while, the rest in Consultation
Had penn'd the wonderful Narration;
365 And set their Hands, and Seals, and Wit
T'attest the Truth of what th’had writ;
When this accurst Phænomenon
Confounded all th' had said or done,
For 'twas no sooner hinted at,
370 But th' all were in a Tumult strait,
More furiously enrag'd by far,
Than those that in the Moon made War,
To find so admirable a Hint,
When they had all agreed t’have feen't,
375 And were engag'd to make it out,
Obstructed with a paultry Doubt.
When one, whose Talk was to determin,
And solve th’Appearances of Vermin;
Wh' had made profound Discoveries
380 In Frogs, and Toads, and Rats, and Mice;
(Tho' not so curious, 'tis true,
As many a wise Rat-catcher knew)
After he had with Signs made Way
For something great he had to say
385 This Disquisition
Is, half of it, in my Discission:[17]
For, though the Elephant, as Beast,
Belongs of Right to all the rest,
The Mouse, b'ing but a Vermin, none
390 Has Title to, but I alone;
And therefore hope, I may be heard,
In my own Province, with Regard.
It is no Wonder, w' are cry'd down,
And made the Talk of all the Town,
395 That rants and swears, for all our great
Attempts, we have done nothing yet,
If ev'ry one have Leave to doubt,
When some great Secret's half made out;
And, 'cause perhaps it is not true,
400 Obstruct, and ruin all we do.
As no great Act was ever done,
Nor ever can, with Truth alone;
If nothing else but Truth w'allow,
'Tis no great Matter what we do.
405 For Truth is too reserv'd, and nice,
T'appear in mix'd Societies;
Delights in solit'ary Abodes,
And never shews her self in Crowds;
A sullen little Thing, below
410 All Matters of Pretence and Show;
That deal in Novelty, and Change,
Not of Things true, but rare and strange,
To treat the World with what is fit,
And proper to its nat'ral Wit;
415 The World, that never sets Esteem
On what Things are, but what they seem;
And, if they be not strange and new,
Th'are ne'er the better for b'ing true.
For, what has Mankind gain'd by knowing
420 His little Truth, but his Undoing,
Which wisely was by Nature hidden,
And only for his Good forbidden?
And, therefore, with great Prudence does
The World still strive to keep it close;
425 For if all secret Truths were known,
Who would not be once more undone?
For Truth has always Danger in't,
And here, perhaps, may cross some Hint,
We have already agreed upon,
430 And vainly frustrate all we've done;
Only to make new Work for Stubs,
And all the academick Clubs.[18]
How much then ought we have a Care,
That no Man know above his Share;
435 Nor dare to understand, henceforth,
More than his Contribution's worth:
That those, wh'have purchas'd of the College
A Share, or half a Share of Knowledge,
And brought in none, but spent Repute,
440 Should not b'admitted to dispute;
Nor any Man pretend to know
More than his Dividend comes to?
For Partners have been always known
To cheat their publick Int'rest prone;
445 And, if we do not look to ours,
'Tis sure to run the self-fame Course.
This said, the whole Assembly allow'd
The Doctrine to be right, and good;
And, from the Truth of what th'had heard,
450 Resolv'd to give Truth no Regard,
But, what was for their Turn, to vouch,
And either find, or make it such:
That 'twas more noble to create
Things like Truth, out of strong Conceit,
455 Than, with vexatious Pains and Doubt,
To find, or think t'have found her out.
This b'ing resolv'd, they, one by one,
Review'd the Tube, the Mouse, and Moon;
But still, the narrower they pry'd,
460 The more they were unsatisfy'd,
In no one Thing, they saw, agreeing;
As if th' had sev'ral Faiths of seeing.
Some swore, upon a second View,
That all th' had seen before was true,
465 And that they never would recant
One Syllable of th' Elephant;
Avow'd, his Snout could be no Mouse's,
But a true Elephant's Proboscis.
Others began to doubt, and waver,
470 Uncertain which o'th' two to favour;
And knew not whether to espouse
The Cause of th' Elephant, or Mouse.
Some held no Way so orthodox
To try it, as the Ballot-Box;[19]
475 And, like the Nation's Patriots,
To find, or make, the Truth by Votes.
Others conceiv'd it much more fit
T'unmount the Tube, and open it;
And, for their private Satisfaction,
480 To re-examine the Transaction;
And after explicate the rest,
As they should find Cause for the best.
To this, as th' only Expedient,
The whole Assembly gave Consent:
485 But, e're the Tube was half let down,
It clear'd the first Phænomenon:
For, at the End, prodigious Swarms
Of Flies, and Gnats, like Men in Arms,
Had all past Muster, by mischance,
490 Both for the Sub, and Privolvans.
This, b'ing discover'd, put them all
Into a fresh, and fiercer Brawl,
Asham'd, that Men so grave and wise
Should be chaldes'd by Gnats and Flies,[20]
495 And take the feeble Insects' Swarms
For mighty Troops of Men at Arms;
As vain as those, who when the Moon
Bright in a crystal River shone,
Threw Casting-nets as fu'tly at her,
500 To catch and pull her out o' th' Water.
But, when they had unscrew'd the Glass,
To find out, where th' Impostor was,
And saw the Mouse, that by mishap,
Had made the Telescope a Trap,
505 Amaz'd, confounded, and afflicted,
To be so openly convicted,
Immediately they get them gone,
With this Discovery alone;
That those who greedily pursue
510 Things wonderful, instead of true;[21]
That in their Speculations chuse
To make Discoveries strange News;
And Nat'ral History a Gazette
Of Tales stupendous, and far-fet;
515 Hold no Truth worthy to be known,
That is not huge, and over-grown,
And explicate Appearances,
Not as they are, but as they please,
In vain strive Nature to suborn,
510 And, for their Pains, are paid with Scorn.
The Glory of a foreign State,
Agreed, upon a Summer's Night,
To search the Moon by her own Light;
5 To take an Invent'ry of all
Her real Estate, and personal;
And make an accurate Survey
Of all her Lands, and how they lay,
As true as that of Ireland, where[2]
10 The sly Surveyors stole a Shire;
T'observe her Country, how 'twas planted,
With what sh'abounded most, or wanted;
And make the proper'st Observations,
For settling of new Plantations,[3]
10 If the Society should incline
T'attempt so glorious a Design.
This was the Purpose of their meeting,
For which they chose a Time as fitting;
When, at the Full, her radiant Light
20 And Influence too were at their Height.
And now the lofty Tube, the Scale
With which they Heav'n itself assail,[4]
Was mounted full against the Moon;
And all stood ready to fall on,
25 Impatient who should have the Honour
To plant an Ensign first upon her.
When one, who for his deep Belief
Was Virtuoso then in chief,[5]
Approv'd the most profound, and wise
30 To solve Impossibilities,
Advancing gravely, to apply
To th' optick glass his judging Eye,
Cry'd strange!—then reinforc'd his Sight
Against the Moon with all his Might,
35 And bent his penetrating Brow,
As if he meant to gaze her through.
When all the rest began t'admire,
And, like a Train, from him took Fire,
Surpriz'd with Wonder, beforehand,
40 At what they did not understand,
Cry'd out, impatient to know what
The Matter was, they wonder'd at.
Quoth he, th' Inhabitants o'th' Moon,
Who, when the Sun shines hot at Noon,
45 Do live in Cellars underground[6]
Of eight Miles deep, and eighty round,
(In which at once they fortify
Against the Sun, and th’Enemy)
Which they count Towns and Cities there,
50 Because their People's civiler
Than those rude Peasants, that are found
To live upon the upper Ground,
Call'd Privolvans[7], with whom they are
Perpetually in open War;
55 And now both Armies, highly ’nrag'd;
Are in a bloody Fight engag'd;
And many fall on both sides slain,
As by the Glass 'tis clear, and plain.
Look quickly then, that every one
60 May see the Fight, before 'tis done.
With that a great Philosopher,
Admir'd, and famous far and near,
As one of singular Invention,
But universal Comprehension,
65 Apply'd one Eye, and half a Nose
Unto the optick Engine close.
For he had lately undertook
To prove, and publish in a Book,
That Men, whose nat'ral Eyes are out,
70 May, by more pow'rful Art, be brought
To see with th' empty Holes as plain,
As if their Eyes were in again:
And, if they chanc'd to fail of those,
To make an Optick of a Nose;
75 As clearly it may, by those that wear
But Spectacles, be made appear;
By which both Senses being united
Does render them much-better sighted
This great Man, having fix'd both Sights
80 To view the formidable Fights,
Observ'd his best, and then cry'd out,
The Battle's desperately fought:
The gallant Subvolvani rally,
And from their Trenches make a Sally
85 Upon the stubborn Enemy,
Who now begin to rout and fly.
These silly ranting Privolvans,
Have every Summer their Campains,
And muster, like the warlike Sons
90 Of Raw-head and of Bloody-bones,
As numerous as Soland Geese
I' th' Islands of the Orcades,
Couragiously to make a Stand,
And face their Neighbours Hand to Hand;
95 Until the long'd-for Winter's come,
And then return in Triumph home,
And spend the rest o'th' Year in Lies,
And vapouring of their Victories.
From th' old Arcadians th' are believ'd
100 To be, before the Moon, deriv'd;
And when her Orb was new created,
To people her, were thence translated.
For, as th' Arcadians were reputed
Of all the Grecians the most stupid,
105 Whom nothing in the World could bring
To civil Life, but fiddling,[8]
They still retain the antique Course,
And Custom of their Ancestors;
And always sing, and fiddle to
110 Things of the greatest Weight they do.
While thus the learn'd Man entertains
Th' Assembly with the Privolvans;
Another of as great Renown,
And solid Judgment in the Moon;
115 That understood her various Soils,
And which produc'd best Genet-moyles;[9]
And in the Register of Fame
Had enter'd his long-living Name;
After he had por'd long and hard
120 In th' Engine, gave a Start, and star'd—
Quoth he, a stranger Sight appears
Than e're was seen in all the Spheres,
A Wonder more unparalel'd,
Than ever mortal Tube beheld.
125 An Elephant from one of those
Two mighty Armies is broke loose,
And with the Horrour of the Fight
Appears amaz'd, and in a Fright;
Look quickly, lest the Sight of us
130 Should cause the startled Beast t'imboss.[10]
It is a large one, far more great
Than e'er was bred in Afric yet;
From which we boldly may infer,
The Moon is much the fruitfuller.
135 And, since the mighty Pyrrhus brought
Those living Castles first, 'tis thought,
Against the Romans, in the Field,
It may an Argument be held
(Arcadia being but a Piece,
140 As his Dominions were of Greece,)
To prove, what this illustrious Person
Has made so noble a Discourse on;
And amply satisfy'd us all
Of th’ Privolvans Original.
145 That Elephants are in the Moon,
Though we had now discover'd none,
Is easily made manifest;
Since, from the greatest to the least,
All other Stars and Constellations
150 Have Cattle of all sorts of Nations;[11]
And Heav'n, like a Tartar's Horde,
With great and numerous Droves is stor'd
And, if the Moon produce by Nature
A People of so vast a Stature,[12]
155 'Tis consequent, she shou'd bring forth
Far greater Beasts too, than the Earth;
(As by the best Accounts appears
Of all our great'st Discoverers)
And, that those monstrous Creatures there
160 Are not such Rarities as here.
Mean while the rest had had a Sight
Of all Particulars o' th' Fight;
And ev'ry Man with equal Care,
Perus'd of th' Elephant his Share,
165 Proud of his Int'rest in the Glory
Of so miraculous a Story:
When one, who for his Excellence
In height’ning Words and shad'wing Sense,
And magnifying all he writ
170 With curious microscopick Wit,
Was magnify'd himself no less
In home and foreign Colleges,
Began, transported with the Twang
Of his own Trillo, thus t'harangue.
175 Most excellent and virtuous Friends,[13]
This great Discovery makes amends
For all our unsuccessful Pains,
And lost Expence of Time and Brains.
For, by this sole Phænomenon,
180 We've gotten Ground upon the Moon;
And gain'd a Pass, to hold dispute
With all the Planets that stand out;
To carry this most virtuous War,
Home to the Door of every Star,
185 And plant th’ Artillery of our Tubes
Against their proudest Magnitudes;
To stretch our Victories beyond
Th’ Extent of planetary Ground;
And fix our Engines, and our Ensigns
190 Upon the fixt Stars vast Dimensions,
(Which Archimede, so long ago,
Durst not presume to wish to do)
And prove, if they are other Suns,
As some have held Opinions;
195 Or Windows in the Empyreum,
From whence those bright Effluvias come
Like Flames of Fire (as others guess)
That shine i' the Mouths of Furnaces.
Nor is this all, we have atchiev'd,
200 But more, henceforth to be believ'd,
And have no more our best Designs,
Because they're ours, believ'd ill Signs.
T'out-throw, and stretch, and to enlarge
Shall now no more be laid t' our Charge;
205 Nor shall our ablest Virtuosos
Prove Arguments for Coffee-houses;[14]
Nor those Devices, that are laid
Too truly on us, nor those made,
Hereafter gain Belief among
210 Our strictest Judges, right, or wrong;
Nor shall our past Misfortunes more
Be charg'd upon the ancient Score:
No more our making old Dogs young
Make Men suspect us still i' th' Wrong;
215 Nor new-invented Chariots draw [15]
The Boys to course us, without Law;
Nor putting Pigs t' a Bitch to nurse,
To turn 'em into Mungrel-Curs,
Make them suspect, our Sculs are brittle,
220 And hold too much Wit, or too little:
Nor shall our Speculations, whether
An Elder-stick will save the Leather
Of Schoolboy's Breeches from the Rod,
Make all we do appear as odd.
225 This one Discovery's enough,
To take all former Scandals off—
But, since the World's incredulous
Of all our Scrutinies, and us;
And with a Prejudice prevents
230 Our best and worst Experiments;
(As if th' were destin'd to miscarry,
In consort try'd, or solitary)
And since it is uncertain, when
Such Wonders will occur agen,
235 Let us as cautiously contrive,
To draw an exact Narrative
Of what we every one can swear,
Our Eyes themselves have seen appear;
That, when we publish the Account,
240 We all may take our Oaths upon’t.
This said, they all with one Consent,
Agreed to draw up th’ Instrument,
And, for the gen'ral Satisfaction,
To print it in the next Transaction.
245 But, whilst the Chiefs were drawing up
This strange Memoir o'th' Telescope,
One, peeping in the Tube by Chance,
Beheld the Elephant advance,
And, from the West-side of the Moon,
250 To th’East was in a Moment gone.
This b'ing related gave a Stop
To what the rest were drawing up;
And every Man amaz’d anew,
How it could possibly be true,
255 That any Beast should run a Race
So monstrous, in so short a Space,
Resolv'd, howe'er, to make it good,
At least, as possible as he cou'd;
And rather his own Eyes condemn,
260 Than question what h' had seen with them.
While all were thus resolv'd; a Man,
Of great Renown there, thus began———
'Tis strange, I grant! But who can say
What cannot be; what can, and may?
265 Especially at so hugely vast
A Distance, as this Wonder's plac't;
Where the least Error of the Sight
May show Things false, but never right:
Nor can we try them, so far off,
270 By any sublunary Proof.
For who can say, that Nature there
Has the same Laws, she goes by here?
Nor is it like, she has infus'd
In every Species, there produc'd,
275 The same Efforts, she does confer
Upon the same Productions here:
Since those with us, of several Nations,
Have such prodigious Variations;
And she affects so much to use
280 Variety, in all she does.
Hence may b’infer'd, that, tho' I grant
We've seen i’th' Moon an Elephant,
That Elephant may differ so
From those upon the Earth below,
285 Both in his Bulk, and Force, and Speed,
As being of a diff'rent Breed;
That, tho' our own are but slow-pac't,
Theirs there may fly, or run as fast;
And yet be Elephants no less,
290 Than those of Indian Pedigrees.
This said, another of great Worth,
Fam'd for his learned Works put forth,
Look'd wise, then said—All this is true,
And learnedly observ'd by you:
295 But there's another Reason for't,
That falls but very little short
Of mathematick Demonstration,
Upon an accurate Calculation,
And that is—As the Earth and Moon
300 Do both move contrary upon
Their Axes, the Rapidity
Of both their Motions cannot be,
But so prodigiously fast,
That vaster Spaces may be past,
305 In less Time than the Beast has gone,
Though h' had no Motion of his own;
Which we can take no Measure of,
As you have clear'd by learned Proof.
This granted, we may boldly thence
310 Lay claim to a nobler Inference;
And make this great Phænomenon
(Were there no other) serve alone,
To clear the grand Hypothesis
Of th' Motion of the Earth from this.[16]
315 :With this they all were satisfy'd,
As Men are won't o' th' bias'd side,
Applauded the profound Dispute;
And grew more gay and resolute
By having overcome all doubt,
320 Than if it never had fall'n out;
And, to compleat their Narrative,
Agreed t' insert this strange Retrieve.
But, while they were diverted all
With wording the Memorial,
325 The Footboys, for Diversion too,
As having nothing else to do,
Seeing the Telescope at leisure,
Turn'd Virtuosos for their Pleasure;
Began to gaze upon the Moon,
330 As those they waited on, had done,
With Monkeys Ingenuity,
That love to practise, what they see
When one, whose Turn it was to peep,
Saw something in the Engine creep;
335 And, viewing well, discover'd more,
Than all the Learn'd had done before.
Quoth he, a little Thing is slunk
Into the long star-gazing Trunk;
And now is gotten down so nigh,
340 I have him just against mine Eye.
This being overheard by one,
Who was not so far overgrown
In any virtuous Speculation,
To judge with mere Imagination,
345 Immediately he made a Guess
At solving all Appearances,
A Way far more significant,
Than all their Hints of th' Elephant;
And found, upon a second View,
350 His own Hypothesis most true;
For he had scarce apply'd his Eye
To th' Engine, but immediately
He found, a Mouse was gotten in
The hollow Tube, and shut between
355 The two Glass-windows in Restraint
Was swell'd into an Elephant;
And prov'd the virtuous Occasion,
Of all this learned Dissertation.
And, as a Mountain heretofore
360 Was great with Child, they say, and bore
A silly Mouse; this Mouse, as strange,
Brought forth a Mountain, in Exchange.
Mean while, the rest in Consultation
Had penn'd the wonderful Narration;
365 And set their Hands, and Seals, and Wit
T'attest the Truth of what th’had writ;
When this accurst Phænomenon
Confounded all th' had said or done,
For 'twas no sooner hinted at,
370 But th' all were in a Tumult strait,
More furiously enrag'd by far,
Than those that in the Moon made War,
To find so admirable a Hint,
When they had all agreed t’have feen't,
375 And were engag'd to make it out,
Obstructed with a paultry Doubt.
When one, whose Talk was to determin,
And solve th’Appearances of Vermin;
Wh' had made profound Discoveries
380 In Frogs, and Toads, and Rats, and Mice;
(Tho' not so curious, 'tis true,
As many a wise Rat-catcher knew)
After he had with Signs made Way
For something great he had to say
385 This Disquisition
Is, half of it, in my Discission:[17]
For, though the Elephant, as Beast,
Belongs of Right to all the rest,
The Mouse, b'ing but a Vermin, none
390 Has Title to, but I alone;
And therefore hope, I may be heard,
In my own Province, with Regard.
It is no Wonder, w' are cry'd down,
And made the Talk of all the Town,
395 That rants and swears, for all our great
Attempts, we have done nothing yet,
If ev'ry one have Leave to doubt,
When some great Secret's half made out;
And, 'cause perhaps it is not true,
400 Obstruct, and ruin all we do.
As no great Act was ever done,
Nor ever can, with Truth alone;
If nothing else but Truth w'allow,
'Tis no great Matter what we do.
405 For Truth is too reserv'd, and nice,
T'appear in mix'd Societies;
Delights in solit'ary Abodes,
And never shews her self in Crowds;
A sullen little Thing, below
410 All Matters of Pretence and Show;
That deal in Novelty, and Change,
Not of Things true, but rare and strange,
To treat the World with what is fit,
And proper to its nat'ral Wit;
415 The World, that never sets Esteem
On what Things are, but what they seem;
And, if they be not strange and new,
Th'are ne'er the better for b'ing true.
For, what has Mankind gain'd by knowing
420 His little Truth, but his Undoing,
Which wisely was by Nature hidden,
And only for his Good forbidden?
And, therefore, with great Prudence does
The World still strive to keep it close;
425 For if all secret Truths were known,
Who would not be once more undone?
For Truth has always Danger in't,
And here, perhaps, may cross some Hint,
We have already agreed upon,
430 And vainly frustrate all we've done;
Only to make new Work for Stubs,
And all the academick Clubs.[18]
How much then ought we have a Care,
That no Man know above his Share;
435 Nor dare to understand, henceforth,
More than his Contribution's worth:
That those, wh'have purchas'd of the College
A Share, or half a Share of Knowledge,
And brought in none, but spent Repute,
440 Should not b'admitted to dispute;
Nor any Man pretend to know
More than his Dividend comes to?
For Partners have been always known
To cheat their publick Int'rest prone;
445 And, if we do not look to ours,
'Tis sure to run the self-fame Course.
This said, the whole Assembly allow'd
The Doctrine to be right, and good;
And, from the Truth of what th'had heard,
450 Resolv'd to give Truth no Regard,
But, what was for their Turn, to vouch,
And either find, or make it such:
That 'twas more noble to create
Things like Truth, out of strong Conceit,
455 Than, with vexatious Pains and Doubt,
To find, or think t'have found her out.
This b'ing resolv'd, they, one by one,
Review'd the Tube, the Mouse, and Moon;
But still, the narrower they pry'd,
460 The more they were unsatisfy'd,
In no one Thing, they saw, agreeing;
As if th' had sev'ral Faiths of seeing.
Some swore, upon a second View,
That all th' had seen before was true,
465 And that they never would recant
One Syllable of th' Elephant;
Avow'd, his Snout could be no Mouse's,
But a true Elephant's Proboscis.
Others began to doubt, and waver,
470 Uncertain which o'th' two to favour;
And knew not whether to espouse
The Cause of th' Elephant, or Mouse.
Some held no Way so orthodox
To try it, as the Ballot-Box;[19]
475 And, like the Nation's Patriots,
To find, or make, the Truth by Votes.
Others conceiv'd it much more fit
T'unmount the Tube, and open it;
And, for their private Satisfaction,
480 To re-examine the Transaction;
And after explicate the rest,
As they should find Cause for the best.
To this, as th' only Expedient,
The whole Assembly gave Consent:
485 But, e're the Tube was half let down,
It clear'd the first Phænomenon:
For, at the End, prodigious Swarms
Of Flies, and Gnats, like Men in Arms,
Had all past Muster, by mischance,
490 Both for the Sub, and Privolvans.
This, b'ing discover'd, put them all
Into a fresh, and fiercer Brawl,
Asham'd, that Men so grave and wise
Should be chaldes'd by Gnats and Flies,[20]
495 And take the feeble Insects' Swarms
For mighty Troops of Men at Arms;
As vain as those, who when the Moon
Bright in a crystal River shone,
Threw Casting-nets as fu'tly at her,
500 To catch and pull her out o' th' Water.
But, when they had unscrew'd the Glass,
To find out, where th' Impostor was,
And saw the Mouse, that by mishap,
Had made the Telescope a Trap,
505 Amaz'd, confounded, and afflicted,
To be so openly convicted,
Immediately they get them gone,
With this Discovery alone;
That those who greedily pursue
510 Things wonderful, instead of true;[21]
That in their Speculations chuse
To make Discoveries strange News;
And Nat'ral History a Gazette
Of Tales stupendous, and far-fet;
515 Hold no Truth worthy to be known,
That is not huge, and over-grown,
And explicate Appearances,
Not as they are, but as they please,
In vain strive Nature to suborn,
510 And, for their Pains, are paid with Scorn.
- ↑ This Poem was intended by the Author for a Satyr upon the Royal Society, which, according to his Opinion, at least, ran too much at that Time into the Virtuoso Taste, and a whimsical Fondness for surprizing and wonderful Stories in natural History. It was founded upon a Fact mentioned in a Note upon Hudibras's Heroical Epistle to Sidrophel, where the Annotator observing, that one Sir Paul Neale, a conceited Virtuoso, and Member of the Royal Society, was probably characterised under the Person of Sidrophel, adds———"This was the Gentleman who, I am told, made a great Discovery of an Elephant in the Moon, which upon Examination, proved to be no other than a Mouse, which had mistaken its Way and got into his Telescope." See Greys Hudibras, vol. ii. p. 105.
Butler was a profest Enemy to the Method of Philosophizing in fashion in his Time, as appears not only from his Works, which are already printed, but from those which I have in Manuscript.—To ridicule this, he introduced into his Hudibras the Character of Sidrophel, which I can assure the Reader, upon the Poet's own Authority, was intended for a Picture of Sir Paul Neal; and, indeed one must own, notwithstanding the many useful Labours of the Royal Society, that at their first setting out, even as it is represented by their learned and florid Panegyrist the Bishop of Rochester, they did justly lay themselves open to the Lashes of Wit and Satyr. - ↑ As true a that of Ireland, &c.) This probably is a satyrical Allusion to Sir William Petty, who was employed in taking a Survey of Ireland in Cromwell's Time, and was afterwards impeached in the Parliament of 1658, for mismanagement in the Distributions and Allotments of the Irish Lands. See Ward's Lives of the Professors of Gresham College, p, 219.
- ↑ For settling of new Plantations.] A Sneer, no doubt, upon Bishop Wilkins, who, in his Discourse to prove, that the Moon may be an habitable World has this Passage.— "'Tis the Opinion of Keplar that as soon as the Art of flying is found out, some of their Nation will make one of the first Colonies that shall transplant into that other World. I suppose his appropriating this Preheminence to his own Countrymen, may arise from an over partial Affection to them. But yet thus far I agree with him, that whenever that Art is invented, or any other, whereby a Man may be conveyed some twenty Miles high, or thereabout, then 'tis not altogether improbable that some or other may be successful in this attempt." See Wilkins's Mathematical and Philosophical Works, p. 115.
- ↑ And now the lofty Tube, the Scale—With which they Heav'n itself avail] This too seems to be a Banter upon a Passage in Wilkins, where he says,—"'Tis related of Eudoxus, that he wished himself burnt with Phaeton, so he might stand over the Sun to contemplate its Nature; had he lived in these Days, he might have enjoy'd his Wish at an easier Rate; and scaling the Heavens
- ↑ When one who for his deep Belief—Was Virtuoso then in chief.] There is no avoiding the appropriating this Character and Speech to the then President of the Royal Society the Lord Viscount Brounker. Sprat in his History mentions him in the following Terms:—"William, Lord Viscount Brounker President; which Office has been annually renew'd to him by Election, out of the true Judgment, which the Society has made of his great Abilities in all natural and especially mathematical Knowledge:" And 'tis very probable, that the Poet sneeringly alludes to this Compliment in these two Lines. Butler as well in this, as in the following Characters and Speeches, which he introduces into this Story, may very plainly be observed to describe particular Persons; and it would be no difficult Task, perhaps, from the Circumstances he mentions, to point them out; but I chuse to decline it, rather than to be thought to endeavour by an invidious Explication to add Bitterness to a Satyr, which may be judged severe enough already against Gentlemen, who in many Respects have deserved so well of their Country, and the learned World.
I cannot help observing on this Occasion, that 'tis very probable, that the true Reason of this Poem's not being published in the Author's Life-time, was the many personal Reflections contained in it upon Persons of great Consideration, who were, some of them, then alive. - ↑ Do live in Cellars under-ground, &c.] This alludes to a visionary Book of Keplar's about the Moon and its Inhabitants.—A Passage from Bishop Wilkins's Discovery of a new World in the Moon, will be sufficient to explain it. Speaking of the Gibbosities of the Moon, he says—"Now if you would ask a Reason, why there should be such a multitude of these in that Planet, the same Keplar shall jest you out an Answer. Supposing (saith he) that those Inhabitants are bigger than any of us, in the same Proportion as their days are longer than ours, viz. by fifteen Times, it may be, for want of Stones to erect such vast Houses as were requisite for their Bodies, they are fain to dig great and round Hollows in the Earth, where they may both procure Water for their Thirst, and turning about with the Shade, may avoid those great Heats, which otherwife they would be liable unto. Or if you will give Cæsar la Galla leave to guess in the same Manner, he would rather think, that those thirsty Nations cast up so many and so great Heaps of Earth, in digging of their Wine cellars." See Wilkins's Mathem. and Philosoph. Works, p. 68.
- ↑ Calld Privolvans, &c.] This and the following Term Subvolvans are also taken from Keplar.—Wilkins, speaking of the Moon and its supposed Inhabitants, says—"Keplar calls this World by the Name of Levania, from the Hebrew Word לבכה which signifies the Moon, and our Earth by the Name of Volva, a volvendo; because it does by Reason of its diurnal Revolution appear unto them constantly to turn round; and therefore he stiles those, who live in that Hemisphere, which is towards us, by the Title of Subvolvani, because they enjoy the Sight of this Earth; and the others Privolvani, quia sunt privati conspectu volvæ, because they are deprived of this Privilege." See Wilkins's Mathem. Works, p. 46.
- ↑ For as th' Arcadians were reputed—Of all the Grecians the most stupid—Whom nothing in the World could bring—To civil Life, but fiddling.] The Arcadians were reckoned stupid even to a Proverb.—Hence Lucian's Expression Ποθεν γαρ εν Αρκαδια σοφιςης, η φλοσοφος. See also Juvenal,læva in parte mamillæ
Nil salit Arcadico juveni ——— Sat. vii. v. 160.They were no less remarkable for their Fondness for Music; and Polybius observes, that by the Laws of their Country, they were obliged to learn and practise it from their Infancy, till they were thirty Years old; and that they introduced it into all their public Meetings upon every Occasion. See Polybius, b. 8.
With what particular View our Author introduc'd this Circumstance of the Privolvans being akin to the old Arcadians, and of their both being fond of Music, I must leave to the Conjectures of future Annotators. I shall only add, that I find by many satyrical Flings among his loose Papers, that he was no Friend to Musicians—and perhaps, he only intended to hint, that they are a Sort of Lunatics. - ↑ And which produc'd best Genet-Moyles.] Butler here had in his Eye John Evelyn, Esq; F.R.S. who wrote a philosophical Discourse of Earth, and presented it to the Royal Society, April 29, 1625, which is dedicated to Lord Viscount Brounker. He also wrote a Treatise called Pomona, or an Appendix concerning Fruit-trees in relation to Cyder, in which (speaking of the best sort of Cyder-Apples) he says, p. 65.—Some commend the Fox-whelp; and the Gennet-Moyle was once prefer'd to the very Red-strake, and before the Bromsbury-Crab; but upon mature Consideration the very Critics themselves now recant, as being to effeminate and soft for a judicious Palate.
- ↑ Should cause the startled Beast t' imboss.] To imboss is to hide himself, taken from the Italian imboscare to run into cover.
- ↑ All other Stars and Constellations—Have Cattle of all sorts of Nations;] See much the same Thought in Hudibras, where Sidrophel speaking about the new Star, which he took the Paper-lanthorn to be, says,
I'm certain 'tis not in the Scrowl
Of all those Beasts, and Fish and Fowl,
With which like Indian Plantations
The Learned stock the Constellations.P. II. C. 3. ver. 429. - ↑ And if the Moon produce by Nature—A People of so vast a Stature,] See a Passage before cited from Keplar, where he supposes the Inhabitants of the Moon to be fifteen Times bigger than any of us.
- ↑ Most excellent and virtuous Friends.] The Sense of the Word virtuous in this Speech and other Parts of this Poem is to be taken from the French Virtù, from whence the Term Virtuoso.
- ↑ Nor shall our ablest Virtuosos—Prove Arguments for Coffee-houses.] To the same Thing Butler alludes in his Hudibras, where Sidrophel, defending his Art against the Objectors to it, calls them
Those wholesale Critics, that in Coffee-
Houses, cry down all Philosophy.P. II. C. 3. ver. 109.
And that the Wits of that Age did joke upon the Labours of the Royal Society is clear from Sprat's History of it, in which, after having enumerated the many Advantages arising from their Labours, and among the rest that of improving Wit by furnishing the Imagination with such a Stock of new Images, he adds—"And now I hope that what I have said will prevail something with the Wits and Railleurs of this Age, to reconcile their Opinions and Discourses to these Studies: For now they may behold that their Interest is united with that of the Royal Society; and that if they shall decry the promoting of Experiments, they will deprive themselves of the most fertile Subject of Fancy; and indeed it has been with respect to these terrible Men, that I have made this long Digression. I acknowledge that we ought to have a great Dread of their Power: I confess I believe, that new Philosophy need not (as Cæsar) fear the Pale, or the Melancholy, as much as the Humourous, and the Merry: For they perhaps by making it ridiculous, because it is new, and because they themselves are unwilling to take Pains about it, may do it more Injury than all the Arguments of our severe and frowning dogmatical Adversaries." See Sprat's History, p. 417. - ↑ Nor new invented Chariots draw.] This and the three following Verses are very nearly verbatim inserted in Hudibras's heroical Epistles to Sidrophel, besides several others here and there in this Poem, which it will be unnecessary to point out to the Admirers of Butler.—It is very usual with him to introduce a Verse or two almost literally the same into different Compositions.
- ↑ To clear the grand Hypothesis———Of th' Motion of the Earth from this.] The Copernican System of the Earth's Motion was not at this Time generally received; and our Poet seems in most Places wherein be mentions it, to sneer it as a philosophic Whim. Wilkins, who was pretty sanguine in his Opinions, writ a Book upon this Subject, and yet modestly entitles it—"A Discourse, concerning a new Planet tending to prove, that ('tis probable) our Earth is one of the Planets." See Wilkins's Philosophical Works.
- ↑ This Disquisition,———Is, half of it, in my Discission.] The Defect in the first of these Lines must not be imputed to any in the Manuscript, which is very fair, but to the Poet's Whim—The Word Discission is spelled in this fanciful Way, I suppose, with a punning Allusion to the Character of this philosophical Cutter-up of Rats, Mice, &c.
- ↑ Only to make new Work for Stubs,—And all the academick Clubs.] Henry Stubbe, Physician at Warwick, published a Book entitled, Legends as Histories: or a Specimen of some Animadversions upen the History of the Royal Society. Lond. 1670. 4to.———In which he is no less severe upon the Labours of that learned Body, than he is upon the Manner of their Historian's setting them forth.
- ↑ Some hold no Way so orthodox—To try it as the Ballot-Box.] It is almost needless to observe, that the Method of determining Elections, &c, at the Royal Society is by Ballotting.
- ↑ Should be chaldes'd by Gnats, and Flies.] The Term chaldes'd we meet with in Hudibras in the same Sense. He stole your Cloak, and pick'd your Pocket,
Chorus'd and caldes'd you like a Blockhead.
Hudib. P. II. C. 3. ver. 1009. - ↑ That those who greedily pursue—Things wonderful, &c.] From this moral Application of the Whole, one may observe, that the Poet's real Intention in this Satire, was not to ridicule real and useful Philosophy, but only that conceited and whimsical Taste for the marvelous and surprizing, which prevailed so much among the Learned of that Age. And though it would be ungrateful, not to acknowledge the many useful Improvements then made in natural Knowledge; yet, in justice to the Satyrist, it must be confess'd that these curious Inquirers into Nature did sometimes in their Researches run into a superstitious and unphilosophical Credulity, which deserved very well to be laughed at.