The Poetical Writings of Fitz-Greene Halleck/An Address for the Opening of the New Theatre
AN ADDRESS61
For the opening of the new Theatre, Sept. 1, 1821,
to be spoken by Mr. Olliff.
adies and Gentlemen:
Enlightened as you were, you all must know
Our playhouse was burnt down some time ago,
Without insurance. ’Twas a famous blaze,
Fine fun for firemen, but dull sport for plays;
The proudest of our whole dramatic corps
Such warm reception never met before.
It was a woeful night for us and ours,
Worse than dry weather to the fields and flowers.
The evening found us gay as summer’s lark,
Happy as sturgeons in the Tappan Sea;
The morning, like the dove from Noah’s ark,
As homeless, houseless, desolate as she.
But thanks to those who always have been known
To love the public interest, when their own—
Thanks to the men of talent and of trade,
Who joy in doing well when they’re well paid—
Again our fireworn mansion is rebuilt,
Inside and outside, neatly carved and gilt,
With best of paint and canvas, lath and plaster,
The Lord bless Beekman62 and John Jacob Astor!
As an old coat, from Jenning’s63 patent screw,
Comes out clean scoured and brighter than the new;
As an old head in Saunders’63 patent wig,
Looks wiser than when young, and twice as big;
As Mat Van Buren in the Senate-hall,
Repairs the loss we met in Spencer’s fall;
As the new Constitution will (we’re told)
Be worth, at least, a dozen of the old,
So is our new house better than its brother,
Its roof is painted yellower than the other,
It is insured at three per cent. ’gainst fire,
And cost three times as much, and is six inches higher.
’Tis not alone the house—the prompter’s clothes
Are all quite new, so are the fiddlers’ bows;
The supernumeraries are newly shaved,
New drilled, and all extremely well behaved
(They’ll each one be allowed, I pause to mention,
The right of suffrage by the new Convention).
We’ve some new thunder, several new plays,
And a new splendid carpet of green baize.
So that there’s naught remains to bid us reach
The topmost bough of favor, but a speech—
A speech, the prelude to each public meeting,
Whether for morals, charity, or eating—
A speech, the modern mode of winning hearts,
And power, and fame, in politics and arts.
What made the good Monroe64 our President?
’Twas that through all this blessed land he went
With his immortal cocked hat and short breeches,
Dining—wherever asked—and making speeches.
What, when Missouri stood on her last legs,
Revived her hopes? The speech of Henry Meigs.65
What proves our country wise, learned, and happy?
Mitchill’s address to the Phi Beta Kappa.
What has convinced the world that we have men,
First with the sword, the chisel, brush, and pen,
Shaming all English rivals, men or madams?
The “Fourth of July” speech of Mr. Adams.
Yes, if our managers grow great and rich,
And players prosper, let them thank my speech,
And let the name of Olliff proudly go
With Meigs and Adams, Mitchill and Monroe!