Page:Mrs Caudle's curtain lectures.djvu/102

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MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.

'em when your wife's at home, like any other man? not have 'em sneaking in, like a set of housebreakers, directly a woman turns her back. They must be pretty gentlemen, they must; mean fellows, that are afraid to face a woman! Ha! and you all call yourselves the lords of the creation! I should only like to see what would become of the creation, if you were left to yourselves! A pretty pickle creation would be in very soon!

"You must all have been in a nice condition! What do you say?

"You took nothing?

"Took nothing, didn't you? I'm sure there's such a regiment of empty bottles, I haven't had the heart to count 'em. And punch, too! you must have punch! There's a hundred half-lemons in the kitchen, if there's one: for Susan, like a good girl, kept 'em to show 'em me. No, sir; Susan shan't leave the house! What do you say?

"She has no right to tell tales, and you will be master in your own house?

"Will you? If you don't alter, Mr. Caudle, you'll soon have no house to be master of. A whole loaf of sugar did I leave in the cupboard, and now there isn't as much as would fill a teacup. Do you suppose I'm to find sugar for punch for fifty men? What do you say?

"There wasn't fifty?

"That's no matter; the more shame for 'em, sir. I'm sure they drank enough for fifty. Do you suppose I'm to find sugar for punch for all the world out of my housekeeping money?"

"You don't ask me?

"Don't you ask me? You do; you know you do: for if I only want a shilling extra, the house is in a