Tales of College Life/"Aeger;" or, Mistaken Identity/Chapter 5
CHAPTER V.
THE PATIENT SPELLS PATIENCE.
As the patient left the room, Doctor Love rang the bell; and the affable Canary, obedient to its summons, paused in his perusal of an exciting narrative of a "Marriage in High Life,"—recorded, for the instruction and amusement of mankind, in the pages of the "Morning Toast," and slowly, but (of course!) gracefully, proceeded to place himself in communication with the gentle spirit who had evoked him from his cell.
As drifting straws will show the viewless courses of the winds, so this willingness on the part of the affable Canary demonstrated the power that Miss Fanny exercised over all who came within the range of her fascinations. For, the affable Canary, when summoned by Miss Fanny's ring, had just reached the most interesting and exciting part of the marriage narrative, wherein the Bride's dress was described in language that would have made the heart of a milliner thrill with ecstasy; and it was only some strong fascination that could have torn him from his enthralling occupation. But, in Society,—that is to say, in the world of Art,—as in the world of Nature, we meet with whirlpools into whose depths people are sucked irresistibly, and glide round and round without the slightest control over their own wills; and it is not improbable but that the affable Canary,—who was a creature of impulse as well as of affections,—had been unconsciously drawn into the vortex of his young mistress's whirlpool of fascinations. Yet, be that as it may, at her summons, "he stayed not for brake, and he stopped not for stone,"—he did not pause for a second or third ring, but, his duty (or whatever you prefer to call it) rising superior to his curiosity, he threw down the "Morning Toast," and immediately responded to the tintinnabular call. As the affable Canary ascended the staircase, he encountered Mr. Percival Wylde descending from his consultation with Doctor Love—and, as appeared from his countenance, already greatly relieved by the Doctor's prescription. Percie, again making use of the abbreviated Alfred Jingle style of address, briefly stated to the affable Canary the urgent necessity there was for perfect secrecy on the subject of the present visit, if Mr. Wylde, senior, should take it into his head to institute inquiries thereon.
"Master and Missis bein' at Siddynam; and Mamselle and Pinner still hout with the young ladies, no one but Miss Fanny and me, Sir, will be aweer of your call," said the affable Canary, summing up the evidence as to the feasibility of putting in a claim for that possibility of being in two places at once, which old Mr. Weller designated by the name of "a alleybi," and so strongly urged upon his son as the only safe outlet for his master, in the labyrinthine and memorable trial of "Bardell against Pickwick." "And you may rest heasy, Sir," continued the Canary, "that I 'll be as mum as a hoyster!" and the faithful and affable creature closed his fingers upon the two half-crowns delicately slipped into his hand.
"In these sort of cases," thought Percie, "and with these kind of people, a little palm-oil is most efficacious in lubricating the conscience, and enabling it to slip easily into the track we have marked out for it. And Fidelity will hold true at five shillings until it be tempted with ten."
But Mr. Percival Wylde had no further time to bestow on reflections of a philosophic nature, when it was the moment for prompt action. He waved an adieu to Miss Fanny, who was watching him from the drawing-room window—and jumping into the Hansom, ordered the driver to take him to the Great Western, as though his life depended on his speed.
This injunction, as it happened, was well nigh being fulfilled to the very letter; for, as the driver made a sharp turn round the corner of Hyde-park-street, the cab came into collision with the van of a West End laundress, which was proceeding on its homeward route laden with the heavy baggage it had collected in the Square. Now, although Hansoms are warranted to "keep this side uppermost," and to preserve their equilibrium under the most trying circumstances, yet they are not exempt from those ills which cabs are heir to, when brought into sudden and violent contact with vehicles of larger growth and heavier burden; and it therefore happened, that not only was a shaft of the cab broken, but that one of its little windows was burglariously entered by the pole of the heavy van; and, by these several means, the Hansom was brought to a standstill, and its horse to a downfall. It was fortunate for Mr. Percival Wylde, that he was aware of the collision, and instinctively sprang from his seat; for, by this action, he avoided the blow on the head or poke in the face, that the van-pole would undoubtedly have given him; in which case, his adventures would, probably, have been brought to an unexpected termination, or would, at any rate, have been deprived of the chance of being faithfully illustrated with a handsome frontispiece.
"The more haste, the worst speed!" thought Percie, as he gave the Cabby five shillings and his card, and left that gentleman busily engaged in endeavouring to raise his fallen steed from the ground, and in heaping on the van-driver's head denunciations composed of
Filthy Conjunctions, and dissolute Nouns
And Particles pick'd from the kennels of towns,
With Irregular Verbs for irregular jobs,
Chiefly Active in rows and mobs,
Picking Possessive Pronouns' fobs;
And Interjections as bad as a blight,
Or an Eastern blast, to the blood and the sight.[1]
"'The more haste, the worst speed.' What says the proverb?' The hasty man eats soup with a fork!' When a man is in a hurry, he 's sure to be delayed. There 's not another cab in sight; so it 's fortunate that I 'm not bothered with luggage, and that I 'm not far from the Station. Three minutes will do it! Fanny did not occupy more than ten minutes, and I shall be in good time to beat the Old Boy. I know his habits well; and he won't clear from Morley's under half-an-hour. It was worth any risk to see dear Fanny. After all, stolen joys are the sweetest danger of discovery gives a zest to love-interviews. If Romeo had been let in at the front door, and allowed to see Juliet in the front parlour, with Mr. and Mrs. Capulet's sanction, he would n't have enjoyed it half so much as the balcony."
With hurried reflections of this comforting description, Mr. Percival Wylde quickened his steps, and speedily reached the Railway Station.
"Down train to Hoxford, Sir?"
"Yes! when does it start?"
"The carriages are in now, Sir: but the train won't leave the platform for a quarter of an hour."
"Delightful! just the ticket! by the way, I may as well get my ticket. I shall do the Old Boy beautifully!"
At the very moment that Mr. Percival Wylde had come to this satisfactory conclusion, he heard a cab clatter up to the Station; and, the next minute, in walked—the Old Boy!
- ↑ Hood's "Tale of a Trumpet."