The Long-Nos'd Lass
<poem> O did you not hear of a Rumor of late, Concerning a person whose Fortune was great Her portion was Seventeen thousand good pound, But yet a good Husband was not to be found The reason of this I will tell to you now, Her visage was perfectly just like a Sow, And many to Court her came flocking each day, But seeing her, straight they run frighted away.
Amongst all the rest, a fine Taylor also, Resolv'd to this person a Suitor to go Quoth he, at the present, alas I am poor, Of Silver and Gold I shall then have good store Tis Cowcomber time, and I now have no Trade, But if I do get her, I then shall be made, Therefore I will put on the best of my Cloaths, My Hat, with my Band, and my Holyday Hose.
The hopes of this Fortune his fancy did feed, And therefore to her he did hasten with speed, When coming, he straight for this person did ask, She came her own self in a fine Vizor Mask And said, I am she, Sir, pray what would you have? I'm come, quoth the Taylor, your Love for to crave She open'd the door, and bid him welcome in, And then to his Courting he straight did begin.
The Taylor went on with a noble good grace, Like one of much Courage his Love to Embrace Thought he, with a Fortune I now shall be blest, But, listen, I pray, to the Cream of the Jest She pull'd off her Vizor, and turn'd her about, And straightway the Taylor beheld her long Snout Ah how he was frighted and run out of door, And vow'd he would never come near her no more.
The next was a Miller who to her did Ride, Resolved he was for to make her his Bride Quoth he, as I now am a right honest Man, Tie Wed her and Love her as well as I can For Beauty, O let it be now as it will, As long as she brings me good Grist to the Mill Both Silver and Gold I shall have at Command, With which I will Purchase me Houses and Land.
I now in conceit am as great as a Lord, What pleasures soever the World can afford, I'le have it, and likewise in Silver will shine, Then Gillian will wonder to see me so fine To Robin my Servant, i'le give my great Bowl, With which I was formerly us'd to take Toll, And likewise the Mill, if I marry this Maid, For never no more will I follow the Trade.
As he was a riding to her on his Mare, He thus was a building Castles in the air But when he beheld her most amiable Face, Alas ! he was soon in a sorrowful Case His hopes were confounded, away he did run, Saying, should I have her, a thousand to one. But I shall be frighted, when her I behold, Therefore I'le not have her for Silver or Gold,
Both Tinkers and Tanners and Glovers also Came to her, the Money encouraged them so Nay, thousands came to her then every day, Each striving to carry this Beauty away But when they beheld this most ordinary stuff. The sight of her Visage did give them enuff; Yet if she be Marry'd while here she does live, A perfect account of the Wedding I'le give.