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When A Feller's Itchin' To Be Spanked

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      WHEN A FELLER'S ITCHIN' TO BE SPANKED

W'en us fellers stomp around, makin' lots o' noise,
Gramma says, "There's certain times come to little boys
W'en they need a shingle or the soft side of a plank;"
She says "we're a-itchin' for a right good spank."
  An' she says, "Now thes you wait,
  It's a-comin'—soon or late,
W'en a feller's itchin' fer a spank."

W'en a feller's out o' school, you know how he feels,
Gramma says we wriggle 'roun' like a lot o' eels.
W'y it's like a man that's thes home from out o' jail.
What's the use o' scoldin' if we pull Tray's tail?
  Gramma says, tho', "Thes you wait,
  It's a-comin'—soon or late,
You'se the boys that's itchin' to be spanked."

Cats is funny creatures an' I like to make 'em yowl,
Gramma alwus looks at me with a awful scowl
An' she says, "Young gentlemen, mamma should be thanked
Ef you'd get your knickerbockers right well spanked."
  An' she says, "Now thes you wait,
  It's a-comin'—soon or late,"
When a feller's itchin' to be spanked.
  
Ef you fin' the days is gettin' awful hot in school
An' you know a swimmin' place where it's nice and cool,
Er you know a cat-fish hole brimmin' full o' fish,
Whose a-goin' to set around school and wish?
  'Tain't no use to hide your bait,
  It's a-comin,—soon or late,
Wen a feller's itchin' to be spanked.

Ol' folks know most ever'thing 'bout the world, I guess,
Gramma does, we wish she knowed thes a little less,
But I alwus kind o' think it 'ud be as well
  Ef they wouldn't alwus have to up an' tell;
  We kids wish 'at they'd thes wait,
  It's a-comin'—soon or late,
Wen a feller's itchin' to be spanked.

This work was published before January 1, 1924, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.