A Narrative of the Captivity, Sufferings, and Removes of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson/13 The thirteenth Remove
The thirteenth Remove.
INSTEAD of going towards the Bay (which was what I desired) I must go with them five or six miles down the river, into a mighty thicket of brush, where we abode almost a fortnight. Here one asked me to make a shirt for her Papoos for which she gave me a mess of broth, which was thickened with meal made of the bark of a tree; and to make it better, she had put into it about a handful of peas, and a few roasted ground-nuts. I had not seen my son a pretty while, and here was an Indian of whom I made enquiry after him, and asked him when he saw him? He answered me, that such a time his master roasted him, and that himself did eat a piece of him as big as his two fingers, and that he was very good meat. But the Lord upheld my spirit under this discouragement: and I considered their horrible addictedness to lying, and that there is not one of them that makes the least conscience of speaking the truth.
In this place, one cold night, as I lay by the fire, I removed a stick which kept the heat from me, a Squaw moved it down again, at which I looked up, and she threw a handful of ashes in my eyes; I thought I should have been quite blinded and never have seen more: But lying down, the water ran out of my eyes, and carried the dirt with it, that by the morning I recovered my sight again. Yet upon this, and the like occasions, I hope it is not too much to say with Job, Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends, for the hand of the LORD has touched me. And here I cannot but remember how many times sitting in their wigwams, and musing on things past, I should suddenly leap up and run out, as if I had been at home, forgetting where I was, and what my condition was, but when I was without, and saw nothing but wilderness and woods, and a company of barbarous Heathen, my mind quickly returned to me, which made me think of that spoken concerning Samson, who said I will go out and shake myself as at other times, but he wist not that the Lord was departed from him.
About this time I began to think that all my hopes of restoration would come to nothing. I thought of the English army, and hoped for their coming, and being retaken by them, but that failed. I hoped to be carried to Albany, as the Indians had discoursed, but that failed also.
I thought of being sold to my husband, as my master spake; but instead of that my master himself was gone, and I left behind, so that my spirit was now quite ready to sink. I asked them to let me go out and pick up some sticks, that I might get alone, and pour out my heart unto the Lord. Then also I took my Bible to read, but I found no comfort here neither, yet I can say, in all my sorrows and afflictions, God did not leave me to have any impatient work towards himself, as if his ways were unrighteous; but I knew that he laid upon me less than I deserved. Afterward, before this doleful time ended with me, I was turning the leaves of my Bible, and the Lord brought to me some scripture which did a little revive me, as that, Isa. 55. 8. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, saith the Lord. And also that, Psalm 37. 5. Commit thy ways unto the Lord, trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass.
About this time they came yelping from Hadley, having there killed three Englishmen, and brought one captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all gathered about the poor man, asking him many questions. I desired also to go and see him; and when I came he was crying bitterly, supposing they would quickly kill him. Whereupon I asked one of them, whether they intended to kill him; he answered me, they would not. He being a little cheered with that, I asked him about the welfare of my husband, he told me he saw him such a time in the Bay, and he was well, but very melancholy. By which I certainly understood (though I suspected it before) that whatsoever the Indians told me respecting him, was vanity and lies. Some of them told me he was dead, and they had killed him: Some said he was married again, and that the governor wished him to marry, and told him that he should have his choice, and that all persuaded him I was dead. So like were these barbarous creatures to him who was a liar from the beginning.
As I was sitting once in the wigwam here, Philip's maid came with the child in her arms, and asked me to give her a piece off my apron, to make a flap for it; I told her I would not; then my mistress bid me give it, but I still said no. The maid told me, if I would not give her a piece, she would tear a piece off it; I told her I would tear her coat then; with that my mistress rises up, and takes up a stick big enough to have killed me, and struck at me with it, but I stept out, and she struck the stick into the mat of the wigwam. But while she was pulling it out, I ran to the maid, and gave her all my apron; and so that storm went over.
Hearing that my son was come to this place I went to see him, and told him his father was well, but very melancholy. He told me he was as much grieved for his father as for himself: I wondered at his speech, for I thought I had enough upon my spirit, in reference to myself to make me mindless of my husband, and every one else, they being safe among their friends. He told me also, that a while before, his master (together with other Indians) were going to the French for powder, but by the way the Mohawks met with them and killed four of their company, which made the rest turn back again; for which I desire that myself and he may ever bless the Lord; for it might have been worse with him, had he been sold to the French, than it proved to be in his remaining with the Indians.
I went to see an English youth in this place, one John Gilbert, of Springfield. I found him lying without doors upon the ground; I asked him how he did; he told me he was very sick of a flux with eating so much blood. They had turned him out of the wigwam, and with him an Indian Papoos, almost dead, whose parents had been killed, in a bitter cold day, without fire or cloaths: The young man himself had nothing on but his shirt and waistcoat. This sight was enough to melt a heart of flint. There they lay quivering in the cold, the youth round like a dog, the Papoos stretched out, with his eyes, nose, and mouth full of dirt, and yet alive, and groaning. I advised John to go and get to some fire; he told me he could not stand, but I persuaded him still, lest he should lie there and die. And with much ado I got him to a fire, and went myself home. As soon as I was got home, his master's daughter came after me to know what I had done with the Englishman? I told her I had got him to a fire in such a place. Now had I need to pray Paul's prayer, 2 Thess. 3. 2. That we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men. For her satisfaction I went along with her, and brought her to him; but before I got home again, it was noised about, that I was running away, and getting the English youth along with me. As soon as I came in, they began to rant and domineer, asking me where I had been, and what I had been doing? and saying they would knock me on the head: I told them I had been seeing the English youth, and that I would not run away. They told me I lied, and getting up a hatchet they came to me, and said they would knock me down if I stirred out again; and so confined me to the wigwam. Now may I say with David, 2 Sam. 24. 14. I am in a great strait. If I keep in, I must die with hunger; and if I go out I must be knocked on the head. This distressed condition held that day, and half the next; and then the Lord remembered me, whose mercies are great. Then came an Indian to me with a pair of stockings which were too big for him, and he would have me ravel them out, and knit them fit for him. I shewed myself willing, and bid him ask my mistress if I might go along with him a little way? She said yes, I might; but I was not a little refreshed with that news, that I had my liberty again. Then I went along with him, and he gave me some roasted ground-nuts, which did again revive my feeble stomach.
Being got out of her sight, I had time and liberty again to look into my Bible, which was my guide by day, and my pillow by night. Now that comfortable scripture presented itself to me, Isa. 45. 7. For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee. Thus the Lord carried me along from one time to another, and made good to me this precious promise, and many others. Then my son came to see me, and I asked his master to let him stay a while with me, that I might comb his head, and look over him, for he was almost overcome with lice. He told me when I had done, that he was very hungry, but I had nothing to relieve him, but bid him go into the wigwams as he went along, and see if he could get any thing among them, which he did, and (it seems) tarried a little too long, for his master was angry with him, and beat him, and then sold him. Then he came running to tell me he had a new master, and that he had given him some ground-nuts already. Then I went along with him to his new master, who told me he loved him, and he should not want. So his master carried him away, and I never saw him afterward, till I saw him at Piscataqua in Portsmouth.
That night they bid me go out of the wigwam again. My mistress's Papoos was sick, and it died that night; and there was one benefit in it, that there was more room. I went to a wigwam, and they bid me come in, and gave me a skin to lie upon, and a mess of venison and ground-nuts, which was a choice dish among them. On the morrow they buried the Papoos; and afterward, both morning and evening, there came a company to mourn and howl with her: Though I confess I could not much condole with them. Many sorrowful days I had in this place; often getting alone, like a crane or a swallow, so did I chatter; I did mourn as a dove, mine eyes fail with looking upward. Lord I am oppressed, undertake for me. Isai. 38. 14. I could tell the Lord as Hezekiah, Ver. 3. Remember now Lord, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth. Now had I time to examine all my ways. My conscience did not accuse me of unrighteousness towards one or another; yet I saw how in my walk with God, I had been a careless creature. As David said, against thee only have I sinned. And I might say with the poor publican, God be merciful unto me a sinner. Upon the Sabbath days I could look upon the sun, and think how people were going to the house of God to have their souls refresh'd, and then home and their bodies also; but I was destitute of both, and might say as the poor prodigal, He would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat, and no man gave unto him. Luke 15. 16. For I must say with him, Father I have sinned against heaven and in thy sight. Ver. 21. I remember how on the night before and after the Sabbath, when my family was about me, and relations and neighbours with us, we could pray and sing, and refresh our bodies with the good creatures of God, and then have a comfortable bed to lie down on; but instead of all this, I had only a little swill for the body, and then like a swine, must lie down on the ground. I cannot express to man, the sorrow that lay upon my spirit, the Lord knows it. Yet that comfortable scripture would often come to my mind, For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee.