Alice's Adventures in Cambridge/VII

by Richard Conover Evarts

CHAPTER VII

Alice and the White Knight

ALICE wandered on through the Yard, gazing with delight at the groups of old ladies walking in the paths and admiring the buildings.

"The dear little things!" she cried, "I wonder if I could come near enough to them to catch one."

"You mustn't touch them," said a voice. "They are probably all related to me. I have so many relations around Boston."

Alice turned and saw a very pleasant­ looking person in white tin armor seated on a wooden hobby horse. He was smiling in such a friendly fashion that Alice instantly felt a great liking for him.

"It's the White Knight, of course," she said to herself. "What a strange horse!" she continued aloud. "Can it move?"

The White Knight looked a little offended at her remark.

"It's a very nice horse," he said. "It's one of my hobbies. I have three or four others, but I almost always ride this one."

"What is its name?" asked Alice.

"Reform of the Elective System," said the White Knight. "It's my own invention."

"What do you call it for short?" Alice asked.

"I haven't called it that for long yet," replied the White Knight. "You don't consider three years long, do you? By the way, what do you think of my Freshman Dormitory?" he said, pointing to a square box which was hanging, with a great many other things, such as garden tools and bunches of asparagus, to his saddle. "You see I made it without any opening to keep the Freshmen together, and also so they can't get out at night."

"But if it has no opening, how are you going to get them in?" said Alice.

The Knight's face fell.

"I never thought of that," he said sadly. "But after all this is only an architect's model. It hasn't actually been built yet."

"Oh, then you can easily change it," said Alice.

"It hasn't been built yet," the White Knight went on without paying any atten­tion to her, "and I don't believe it ever was built or ever will be built, but it's my own invention."

He seemed so very sorrowful about it that Alice thought she had better not say any­thing more, and they went on for some time in silence.

"I don't suppose you have any red tape with you," the White Knight remarked at last.

"No," said Alice, "but the Queen and the Recorder have some. I saw them with it."

"Ah, they find it very useful," the White Knight said. "Do you know what I want it for?"

"I haven't the least idea why anybody should want it," Alice replied.

"Well, you see my little collection," said the White Knight, pointing to his saddle. "I want to divide them up better. I have done something in that way already, but I used up all my red tape. I call it the Group System. It's my own invention."

"Oh, you want to tie them up in little bundles!" cried Alice.

"Exactly," replied the White Knight. "Now, you see, here are a rake and a hammer tied together. I call them History and Literature. That makes a Group. It's all my own invention."

"But supposing somebody wanted His­tory and Botany instead," Alice remarked.

"He couldn't have it," said the White Knight. "They don't go together well."

"It's all very puzzling, I'm sure," said Alice.

"That's the best part of it," the White Knight replied. "But now I'm afraid I must leave you. You see, I have to go to five committee meetings, make three speeches and lay a few cornerstones before dark."

"How do you get time to invent so many things?" asked Alice.

"An ounce of invention is worth a pound of cure, you know," replied the White Knight. "But let me recite you some poetry about it."

"I don't like all poetry," Alice said.

"But you will like this," said the White Knight. "It 's my own invention."

He then began in a sing-song voice:

"I'll tell thee everything I can
⁠In sober mood and tense.
"I saw a little Eli man
⁠A-sitting on a fence.
"'Who are you, little man?' I said,
⁠'And how do you come here?'
"And his answer trickled through my head,
⁠Escaping by one ear.

"He said, 'I tap for Skull and Bones
⁠Beneath the Campus trees,
"And beat my head against the stones
⁠When they all go to Keys;
"But Owen Johnson's spoiled our fun,
⁠Our tombs are dark and cold;
"And Sophomores from us do run,
⁠And won't do what they're told.'

"But I was thinking of a scheme
⁠To make all Students work
"By putting over them, as Dean,
⁠An energetic Turk.
"So, having missed what he had said,
⁠With a forbidding frown,
"I hit him gently on the head,
⁠And shook him up and down.

"I hit him gently on the head,
⁠And shook him up and down.

"He said, 'I sit upon this fence,
⁠A Y upon my chest.
"A frat-pin costing fifty cents
⁠Adorns my fancy vest.
"I've played upon the Football team,
⁠I've rowed upon the Crew,
"Phi Beta Kappa is my dream,
⁠(Albeit somewhat new.)

"'Religion, Football and the News—
⁠I heeled them—not for fun,
"Nor yet because I held the views
⁠That such things should be done.
"In College Life I did not fail,'
⁠He cried in stalwart tones,
"'Because I worked for dear old Yale,
⁠And good old Skull and Bones.'

"I heard him then, for I had done
⁠Forming a plan for morn
"Of building a Dormitory on
⁠An island near Cape Horn.
"I thanked him for his kindly speech.
⁠It cheered me up a lot,
"For, although we may fail to teach,
⁠A Bones we have not got.

"And now, if e'er by chance I see
⁠Fair Harvard in the soup,
"Or men of promise fail with E
⁠Because they took a Group,
"Or when I see all Students fail,
⁠Or, what is worse, get locked in jail,
"Or the Dean arrested without bail,
⁠Or Sever sold at a bankrupt sale,
"Or when the Gold Coast makes me quail,
⁠Or the Social System turns me pale,
"I laugh, and say in thankful tones,
⁠'Though troubles weigh on me like stones,
"At least, here is no Skull and Bones.'"

"How very pretty!" said Alice, after he had finished. "I enjoyed it very much."

"Good-bye," said the White Knight. "You go through that arched gateway and the whole world is before you. I have said the same thing before in Bacteriological Sermons."

"You mean Baccalaureate, don't you?" asked Alice.

"It makes no difference what I mean," the White Knight said. "But the germs of truth must be there."

"Good-bye," said Alice. "Do you know you are quite the nicest person I have met in Cambridge."

"It's worth while being a White Knight just to hear you say that," the White Knight

answered as he turned his horse about and slowly rode away. Alice watched his strange figure from the gateway as he went riding over the grass in the twilight. Long years afterwards, of all the people she saw in her visit to Cambridge, she remembered this one as having impressed her most. Just before

he disappeared from view he turned round and waved his hand.

"Good-bye," cried Alice. "I hope some­time soon I can come again."