All the Works of Epictetus, Which Are Now Extant/Book 4/Chapter 2
CHAPTER II.
Of Complaisance.[1]
§. 1.To this Point you must attend before all others: Not to be so attached to any one of your former Acquaintance or Friends, as to condescend to the same Behaviour with his; otherwise you will undo yourself. But, if it comes into your Head, I shall appear odd to him, and he will not treat me as before, remember, that there is nothing to be had for nothing: nor is it possible, that he who acts in the same manner, should not be the same Person. Chuse then, whether you will be loved by those you were formerly, and be like your former self; or be better, and not meet with the same Treatment. For, if this is preferable, immediately incline altogether that way, and let no other Kinds of Reasoning draw you aside: for no one can improve while he is wavering[2]. If then you prefer this to every thing, if you would be fixed only on this, and employ all your Pains about it, give up every thing else. Otherwise this Wavering will affect you both Ways; you will neither make a due Improvement, nor preserve the Advantages you had before. For before, by setting your Heart intirely on Things of no Value, you were agreeable to your Companions. But you cannot excell in both Kinds: but must necessarily lose as much of the one, as you partake of the other. If you do not drink with those, with whom you used to drink, you cannot appear equally agreeable to them. Chuse then, whether you would be a Drunkard, and agreeable to them, or sober, and disagreeable to them. If you do not sing with those, with whom you used to sing, you cannot be equally dear to them. Here too then, chuse which you will. For if it is better to be modest and decent, than to have it said of you, What an agreeable Fellow! give up the rest; renounce it; withdraw yourself; have nothing to do with it. But, if this doth not please you, incline, with your whole Force, the contrary Way. Be one of the Catamites; one of the Adulterers. Act all that is consequent to such a Character, and you will obtain what you would have. Jump up in the Theatre too, and roar out in praise of the Dancer. But Characters so different are not to be confounded. You cannot act both Thersites and Agamemnon If you would be Thersites, you must be hump-backed and bald: If Agamemnon, tall and handsome, and a Lover of those who are under your Care.