Are There Any Questions?

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Are There Any Questions?
by Thomas Andrew Lehrer

A recording of this song is available here.

ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? (Canon for 4 voices)
(Finale of The Physical Revue)

words by Tom Lehrer
music: "O, du eselhafter Martin" by W. A. Mozart

PROFESSOR: Now then, are there any questions?
Any problems, any questions?
If there are none,
Then I am done,
And I can bid you all good day,
For there's no reason I should stay here,
For I've said all I have to say here.
If there are none,
Then I am done,
I wish you luck on the examination.
And so, my friends, I bid you all goodbye,
I hope you've liked the course as much as I,
Goodbye, goodbye,
Goodbye, to one and all I say goodbye.
Just one more thing, and do not laugh:
I hope you'll take the second half,
Physics --
Physics --
Physics Eleven B.
Now there's no reason I should (*) stay here, etc., etc.
STUDENT 1: [begin at (*) above]
Ha! He asks if there are questions!
Holy smoke, have I got questions,
I got a ton,
And every one
Would take him half a day to do,
But I don't really want to (**) stay here,
Since he's said all he has to say here,
But it's agreed
That I shall need
Much more than luck on the examination.
And so I (***) think I'll let him say goodbye,
I guess that he is as relieved as I.
Goodbye, goodbye,
Thank God the course is over now, goodbye.
One thing he said that makes me laugh:
He hopes I'll take the second half.
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha! Don't make me laugh!
Ha! He asks if there are questions, etc., etc.

STUDENT 2 begins at (**), STUDENT 3 begins at (***)

This work is in the public domain worldwide because it has been so released by the copyright holder.