Are Women People?/Section 4

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A MASQUE OF TEACHERS
AND
THE UNCONSCIOUS
SUFFRAGISTS


The Ideal Candidates

(A by-law of the New York Board of Education says: "No married woman shall be appointed to any teaching or supervising position in the New York public schools unless her husband is mentally or physically incapacitated to earn a living or has deserted her for a period of not less than one year.")

CHARACTERS

Board of Education.
Three Would-Be Teachers.


Chorus by Board
Now please don't waste
Your time and ours
By pleas all based
On mental powers.
She seems to us
The proper stuff
Who has a hus-
Band bad enough.
All other pleas appear to us
Excessively superfluous.
1st Teacher
My husband is not really bad——
Board
How very sad, how very sad!
1st Teacher
He's good, but hear my one excuse——
Board
Oh, what's the use, oh, what's the use?
1st Teacher
Last winter in a railroad wreck
He lost an arm and broke his neck.
He's doomed, but lingers day by day.
Board
Her husband's doomed! Hurray! hurray!
2nd Teacher
My husband's kind and healthy, too——
Board
Why, then, of course, you will not do.
2nd Teacher
Just hear me out. You'll find you're wrong.
It's true his body's good and strong;
But, ah, his wits are all astray.
Board
Her husband's mad. Hip, hip, hurray!
3rd Teacher
My husband's wise and well—the creature!
Board
Then you can never be a teacher.
3rd Teacher
Wait. For I led him such a life
He could not stand me as a wife;
Last Michaelmas, he ran away.
Board
Her husband hates her, Hip, hurray!
Chorus by Board
Now we have found
Without a doubt,
By process sound
And well thought out,
Each candidate
Is fit in truth
To educate
The mind of youth.
No teacher need apply to us
Whose married life's harmonious.

(Curtain.)