Cutter of Coleman-street/Act 5 Scene 2

by Abraham Cowley

Scene 2.

Enter Worm and Puny disguised like the Merchant and John.

Wor.They'l hardly know us at first in these forein habits.

Pun.I Sir, and as the Sun has us'd us in those hot Countries.

Wor.Why, this is my old house here, John; ha, ha! little thought I to see my old house upon Tower-hill again. Where's my brother Jolly?

Joll.They call me Colonel Jolly.

[Looks on his Note.Wor.Ha! let me see,
A burly man of a moderate stature——— a beard a little greyish——— ha! a quick Eye, and a Nose inclining to red—

Pun.Nay, 'tis my Master's Worship, Sir, would we were no more alter'd since our Travels.

Wor.It agrees very well——— Save you good brother, you little thought to see me here again, though I dare say you wish'd it; stay, let me see, how many years, John, is't since we went from hence?

Pun.'Tis now seven years, Sir.

Wor.Seven? me-thinks I was here but yesterday, how the what de-ye-call-it-runs? how do you call it?

Pun.The Time, Sir.

Wor.I, I, the time, John; what was I saying? I was telling you, brother, that I had quite forgot you; was I not telling him so, John?

Joll.Faith we'r both quits then; I'l swear I ha' forgot you; why you were dead five years ago.

Wor.Was I? I ha' quite forgot it; John, was I dead five years ago? my memory fails me very much of late.

Pun.We were worse than dead, Sir, we were taken by a barbarous Nation, and there made slaves; John, quoth he? I was poor John I'm sure; they kept us three whole years with nothing but Water and Acorns, till we look'd like Wicker bottles.

Wor.What, Sirrah, did your Master look like? I'l teach you to say your Master look'd like what de-ye-call 'ums.

Joll.Where did they take you prisoners?

Wor.Nay, ask John, he can tell you I warrant you; 'twas in———tell him, John, where it was.

Pun.In Guiny.

Joll.By what Country-men were you taken?

Wor.Why they were called——— I ha' forgot what they call'em, 'twas an odd kind o' name, but John can tell you.

Pun.Who I, Sir? do you think I can remember all things?

Wor.'Tis i' my Book here I remember well. Name any Nation under the Sun.

Pun.I know the name, Sir, well enough; but I onely try'd my Master's memory, 'Twas the Tartarians.

Wor.I, I, those were the men.

Joll.How, John? why all the world man lies betwixt 'em, they live up in the North.

Pun.The North?

Joll.I the very North, John.

Pun.That's true indeed, but these were another Nation of Tartarians that liv'd in the South, they came antiently from the others.

Joll.How got you from 'em, John, at last?

Pun.Why faith, Sir, by a Ladies means, who, to tell you the truth, fell in love with me; my Master has it all in his Book, 'tis a brave story.

Joll.In what Ship came you back?

Pun.A plague of't, that question will be our ruine.

Wor.What Ship? 'twas call'd a thing that swims, what dee you call't?

Joll.The Mermaid?

Wor.No, no, let me see.

Joll.The Triton?

Wor.No, no, a thing that in the water does——— it swims in the water———

Joll.What is't? the Dolphin?

Wor.No, no, I ha' quite forgot the name on't, but 'tis no matter, it swims———

Joll.What say you, John?

Pun.I, Sir, my Master knows well enough; you cann't conceive the misery we endur'd, Sir.

Joll.Well, Brother, I'l but ask you one question more, where did you leave your Will?

Pun.'Life, now he's pos'd again——— we shall never carry't through.

Wor.I'l tell you presently, Brother— let me see,
Reads in his Scrowl.
Memorandums about my Will; left to my Brother the whole charge of my Estate——— hum— hum— five thousand pounds— hum— What did you ask me, brother?

Joll.In what place you left your Will?

Wor.I that was it indeed—, that was the very thing you ask'd me; what a treacherous memory have I? my memory is so short—

Joll.This is no Answer to my Question yet.

Wor.'Tis true indeed; what was your Question, brother?

Joll.Where you left your Will?

Wor.Good Lord, that I should forget you ask'd me that! I had forgot it, i'faith law that I had, you'l pardon, I hope, my Infirmity, for I alas—alas—I ha' forgot what I was going to say to you, but I was saying something, that I was.

Joll.Well, Gentlemen, I'm now in haste, walk but a while into the Parlour there, I'l come to you presently.

Wor.But where's my daughter———

Pun.Lucia, Sir?

Wor.I, Lucia——— put me in mind to ask for her (a plague o' your Tartarians.)

Pun.And o'your What dee-ye-call-'ems.

Exeunt Worm, Puny.Wor.'Life, Tartarians!

Joll.If these be Rogues, (as Rogues they seem to be) I will so exercise my Rogues, the tyranny of a new Beadle over a Beggar shall be nothing to't; what think'st thou of 'em, Will?

Will.Faith, Sir, I know not——— h'as just my Masters Nose and Upper-lip; but if you think it be not he, Sir, I'l beat 'em worse than the Tartarians did.

Joll.No, let's try 'em first—trick for trick— Thou were wont to be a precious Knave, and a great Actor too, a very Roscius; did'st not thou play once the Clown in Musidorus?

Will.No, but I plaid the Bear, Sir.

Joll.The Bear! why that's as good a Part; thou'rt an Actor then I'l warrant thee, the Bears a well-penn'd Part, and you remember my Brother's humor, don't you? They have almost hit it.

Will.I, Sir, I knew the shortness of his memory, he would always forget to pay me my Wages, till he was put in mind of't.

Joll.Well said, I'l dress thee within, and all the Servants shall acknowledge thee, you conceive the Design——— be confident, and thou cast not miss; but who shall do trusty John?

Will:Oh, Ralph the Butler, Sir, 's an excellent try'd Actor, he play'd a King once; I ha' heard him speak a Play ex tempore in the Butteries.

Joll.O excellent Ralph! incomparable Ralph against the world!
Come away, William, I'l give you instructions within, it must be done in a moment.
[Exeunt.