Mr. Bunt/Act 1

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4047886Mr. Bunt — Act 1Ira Mallory Remsen

ACT I SCENE 1 THE COTTAGE IN THE WOODS

It is night. The little cottage which stands on the right of the stage is hidden among the dark trees. A light in the window, however, cuts a solitary orange square in the soft blue night. From the deep shadows comes the throbbing song of the crickets.

Prelude. A little boy in night clothes appears at the win dow and presses his face against the pane in a vain en deavor to look out into the night. The throbbing of the crickets grows louder. It is taken up by the wood and the voice of a man is heard singing afar off. The boy yawns and slowly leaves the window. The stage is empty. The song draws nearer and the somber figure of a man enters, carrying a heavy sack, from the corners of which pour tiny grains of sandas he slowly passes on his way, singing.

Music: Sandman's Song. As he passes the cottage the light in the win dow fades out. The moonlight grows brighter and the cottage is now clearly outlined. The Sandman and his dreamy song are lost in the distance. MR . BUNT

14

music stops for a moment; again the stage is empty. Music:

The Fairies.

Now from all parts of the wood the little fairies enter. Delicately, rhythmically, they form a circle about the house and dance in the moonlight. The rattle of milk cans is heard and the music ceases.

The fairies fly as a heavy-set milkman, with a flash light, enters and leaves a bottle of milk by the doorstep. Exit milkman . Dawn comes and the cottage is now seen in

the early sunlight. It is a quaint, toylike house with a chimney and a peaked roof, the sides of which sag a little. A window in the second story looks out on

a little balcony. Below it is a green door. On one side of it a very large rain pipe descends at various angles and ends on the ground with a spout two feet in diameter, that looks at the audience inquiringly.

SCENE 2

The door of the cottage opens and the figure of a

little girl in a yellow gingham dress, with a shawl over her head, appears. She goes over and picks up the bottle of milk.

As she returns the door swings shut;

finding it is latched she calls loudly for Mummy.

After a moment the window above opens and aa rather frail but sweet-faced woman appears.

She leans

7 MR . BUNT

15

over the balcony and on catching sight of the little girl calls down quietly : All right, Annie. And disappears. We hear the latch being drawn and the little girl lets herself in. In the meantime the head of a small boy has appeared at the same window where the lady disap

peared. You see there are so many things happen ing that you have to watch carefully so as not to miss anything. At any rate the head of the small boy appears above the window sill and it is followed at once by two little hands and the sole of his shoe.

Having gotten , in other words, a good grip on the house, he hoists himself out onto the balcony. Once outside he collects himself and, hanging

over the rail, makes a long and rather thoughtful spit to the pavement below. He is evidently waiting to collect more mater. ial when the voice of the lady is heard calling: Dabs.

At which the youthful gentleman remarks belligerently: I don't want no more rotten oatmeal.

Now , this was rather a horrid thing for Dabs to say, and he ought to be spanked for saying it ; but you see, when he climbed out of the window into the play, I saw at once he was a real little boy and, like

all real children, didn't think about other people's feelings - except when spanked. And this little boy was built very healthy and finished with a place expressly designed for spanking, that would make him understand about other people's feelings. For, as I say, nice healthy children only think about themselves, and have to be spanked and taught.

Just as when they grow up, kind Mother Earth begins the spanking just where their own mother left off, until they reach the point where they finally learn to continue to think only of themselves, but in terms of other people, which is far from being selfish, and is the only way to live happily and make other people happy, no matter what your mother says.

But to go back to Dabsmand his horrid remark about the oatmeal-who stands waiting thoughtfully on the balcony, while Annie, the little girl who was seen going into the house, now appears at the window and the lady inside is saying: Annie, where does he get those awful words?

ANNIE

To Dabs.

Donald Reber! You come in here right away and get your mouth washed out with soap!

At which Dabs remarks, without animosity: Get your own mouth washed out.

ANNIE

The idea of you talking like that!

Turning. Mummy, he just says everything he hears in the streets. MR . BUNT

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DABS

It's better'n making things up the way you do.

ANNIE

What did I make up?

DABS

Oh, lots er things about fairies, that ain't got any sense.

ANNIE

That's because you don't understand.

DABS

Oh, I understand, all right, all right, all right!

ANNIE

You do nothing of the kind ; besides, you come in now and get your milk.

DABS

How do you know it ain't sour?

ANNIE

Because we tasted it.

DABS

How did it taste?

ANNIE

It tasted sweet and cold.

DABS

Thoughtfully.

Lightnin' bugs kin turn milk sour-same lightnin'-

ROSE

Appearing at the window.

Children, come and finish your breakfast. It's 18

MR . BUNT

time for me to go . Annie, won't you bring Dabs in and make him eat his oatmeal ? ANNIE

Can we have it outside, Mummy? ROSE

Why, yes, if you are careful. Annie, please look after Dabs.

I'm late and I've got to hurry. ANNIE

Oh, Mummy, I hate to have you go . ROSE

Don't, Annie, you'll make me late. ANNIE

But, Mummy, it's lonely. ROSE

I know, Annie, but remember all the things you

have to do. And if you do them nicely, I'll read you some more about the fairy that came back. ANNIE

They do come back , don't they, Mummy ? ROSE

Of course , if you remember them. Good -bye, dear - good -bye, Dabs. She kisses both the children and disappears. Annie now climbs out on the balcony and joins Dabs, and together they hang over the railing, when the door below opens and lets Rose 01 :t into the garden . She looks up and MR . BUNT

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waves quickly to the children, who stand and watch her till she is out of sight. SCENE 3 ANNIE

Turning to Dabs. Now, if you are good and eat your breakfast, I'll

let you play with me until Mummy comes home. DABS

Can I have it out here ? ANNIE

If you promise not to throw it on anyone. Dabs, after promising reluctantly, climbs in the window , while Annie, being left alone, gets out a packing box in which she keeps

her complete repertoire of dolls and arranges them for the day. DABS

Appearing at the window . Where is the maple sugar ? ANNIE

Mummy put it on your oatmeal. DABS

She must er forgot it. ANNIE

She didn't. I saw her put it on before she went out.

DABS

Aw , Annie, I kin hardly taste it. MR . BUNT

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ANNIE

Well, it's all you're going to get, so you might as well bring it out here and eat it.

Dabs having been disposed of, Annie returns to her dolls. The rag doll, appearing uneasy , has to be sung to sleep. ANNIE

Singing.

Bye baby Bunting,

Dada's gone a-hunting, To get a little rabbit skin

To wrap the baby Bunting in. Bye baby Bunting,

Dada's gone a -hunting DABS

Appearing at the window with his oatmeal.

How do you know he's gone a -hunting ? ANNIE

'Cause he is. Singing.

Bye baby Bunting DABS

What's his name ? ANNIE

Mr. Bunt, of course.

Dabs reflectively climbs out on the balcony while the song continues. Dada's gone a -hunting MR . BUNT

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LABS

What do he hunt ?

Making himself comfortable. ANNIE

Rabbits and rabbit skins .

Singing. To get a little rabbit skin

To wrap the baby Bunting in DABS

And where do he live ? ANNIE

In the Maple Tree. DABS

Where the maple sugar comes from ? ANNIE

Yes. DABS

I wished I lived there. I'd git enough maple sugar for

my

Oatmeal for once . ANNIE

You get quite enough as it is. Singing. Bye baby Bunting DABS

Does he get all he wants ? ANNIE

I don't know ; but he's very gentlemanly and wouldn't take more than his share. DABS

Of course , he wouldn't. 22

MR . BUNT ANNIE

Besides, there are lots of things besides maple sugar in the Maple Tree . DABS

What, for instance ? ANNIE

Well, all the fairies live there, and they have a big house. DABS

What - in the Maple Tree ? ANNIE

No. In the roots of the Maple Tree ; but, of course, he is out most of the time, hunting. DABS

Can he shoot straight ? ANNIE

He never misses. DABS

I bet yer I can shoot better'n he can. ANNIE

We are not making any comparisons. Please be still. You're disturbing baby Bunting. Humming. Bye baby Bunting DABS

Finishing his oatmeal inquires casually: Tell me some more about him. ANNIE

Mr. Bunt ? MR . BUNT

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DABS

Yes.

What's he like ? ANNIE

He has aa big gun and he's all dressed up like a hunter. DABS

Aw , go on - you made him up. ANNIE

Ignoring the remark , hums. Dada's gone a-hunting DABS

Aw, I knew you did. ANNIE

What if I did ; he's mine, and I won't let you play with him . DABS

Delighted with his discovery. Where is he ? ANNIE

It wouldn't make any difference where he was, you couldn't see him . DABS

Is that so. I can see anything you can see and more besides.

Pointing at the absolutely empty garden be low them .

Why, there he is now. Good morning, Mr. Bunt. ANNIE

Furiously. Donald Reber, what are you talking about ? 24

MR . BUNT DABS

Turning to Annie in utter surprise.

What! Can't you see him? How you surprise me! Pointing very definitely. He's sitting right over there in the bushes— the poor simp! ANNIE

How dare you talk like that about Mr. Bunt! You don't see anything, anyway. DABS

Don't I !

Pointing

He's right down there, now. Excitedly. Why, if he ain't trying to climb in the rain pipe! What do you think of that?

Dabs, I am afraid, is about to spit down on the imaginary Mr. Bunt when Annie, who has

lost all patience, collars him and puts him, struggling, in the window , which she shuts, re marking during the operation ANNIE

When Mummy comes back I am going to tell her how you've acted, and you can get out now and play by yourself. I don't want you around here. Annie, alone now on the little balcony, turns her attention to her dolls.

The door below opens quietly and a disconso late Dabs appears. He considers the situation, MR . BUNT

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and sitting down on the doorstep, out of sight of Annie, selects a fresh blade of grass and pressing it between his thumbs blows on it without result. And now , from the balcony above, in the quiet of the woods comes Annie's song again to baby Bunting. As the song continues, a strange, little, pathetic

figure rises slowly out of the rain pipe and steps timidly down on the balcony, waiting patiently to be addressed by Annie. He is a very small hunter indeed, all dressed

in a rabbit skin coat and cap , with bare legs and boots. On his back hangs a green hunt

ing bag and he carries a very big gun . Annie sings on , and even when she turns towards him it is as though she knew he was there and is not at all surprised at his appear ance.

In fact, even after she sees him, she goes on arranging her dolls and only after they have been attended to does she take aa packing box

and place it as a seat for Mr. Bunt, who silently takes his place as though nothing ex

traordinary was happening, except that he is a little warm and takes off his hat to fan him self.

Annie now sits opposite him and begins her conversation , very politely and delicately, as children are wont when they enter the land of the fairies. 26

MR . BUNT SCENE 4 ANNIE

You are very warm to -day, Mr. Bunt ! MR. BUNT

Nodding politely. Quite warm , Miss Reber.

On Annie's remark Dabs, on the doorstep below , pricks up his ears and a look of utter disgust settles on his features.

Throughout the following scene which is being enacted on the balcony, Dabs expresses his disgust to the audience by a series of horrible

faces and by means of pantomime gets the idea over that his sister is quite wrong in her head.

Annie, in the meantime, is continuing

her polite conversation with Mr. Bunt. ANNIE

How was the hunting to -day, Mr. Bunt ? MR. BUNT

Worried .

Please could we talk of something else. ANNIE

Anxiously. You didn't kill anything ? MR. BUNT

Oh, dear no. ANNIE

But your bag, Mr. Bunt ? 27

MR . BUNT MR. BUNT

It's stuffed full of grass. What Dabs on the doorstep below registers here is unprintable. ANNIE

Oh, how nice. Of course, I want you to hunt,

but I wouldn't have you kill anything, you know. MR . BUNT

I understand perfectly. ANNIE

And you don't mind ? MR. BUNT

I much prefer it so - in fact I'm very much afraid of guns, and I dislike killing things most awfully, especially rabbits. ANNIE

It makes it rather awkward. MR. BUNT

Distinctly so. ANNIE

But the song says you hunt things. MR. BUNT

I know it does. ANNIE

Well, I like the way you get around it.

It shows

consideration . MR. BUNT

I know , but couldn't you make me up into some thing else something that doesn't hunt? MR . BUNT

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ANNIE

No- 0-0-0-0-0 . I like you the way you came to me first in the song, and I like you to play with because you know how to show consideration, and almost nobody does that. Mummy says we must not expect it, but always show it.

Mr. Bunt here turns the bag around, on which is printed in very large letters: CONSIDER

ATION.

He gently places it where it will

show to the best advantage. ANNIE

Holding out baby Bunting.

Would you like to hold the baby, Mr. Bunt ? MR. BUNT

Of course, if you wish me to , I will. He accepts the baby patiently and then sits dis consolate. ANNIE

You are not holding it very well, Mr. Bunt. MR. BUNT

No, I

suppose not. ANNIE

Arranging baby. There, that's better. Don't you like your baby, Mr. Bunt ? MR. BUNT

My baby ! ANNIE

Yes. MR . BUNT

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MR. BUNT

Oh, I suppose it came in the song, too . ANNIE

Of course . MR. BUNT

I'm glad it wasn't a very long song. Looking thoughtfully at the baby. You see, they are so much alike. ANNIE

What are ? MR. BUNT

The things that came in that song, babies and guns ANNIE

For goodness sakes !

I don't think they are at

all alike. MR. BUNT .

Perhaps not; but still, when you hold them you never can tell what's going to happen. ANNIE

But you can MR. BUNT

Would you like to hold the gun ? ANNIE

Well, perhaps I had better take the baby. Annie relieves Mr. Bunt. MR. BUNT

You see they are alike in a way. ANNIE

I'm sorry, Mr. Bunt. But, of course, you will get 30

MR . BUNT

used to them — and you are so nice to talk to it's like having a real fairy. MR. BUNT

That's what I am, Miss Reber. ANNIE

And I'm going to have you come and play with me always. MR. BUNT

Why certainly, Miss Reber. ANNIE

And I can tell you all the things that Dabs doesn't understand and I don't want him to

know , anyway . MR. BUNT

Exactly. ANNIE

I'm sure it's very nice of you, Mr. Bunt. MR. BUNT

Oh, not at all, Miss Reber. ANNIE

You see, Mr. Bunt, I think it's because I'm so

lonely and want some one to talk to . Mummy is away all day, even to -day, Saturday, when there isn't any school or anything. Of course , there

is Dabs, but he just gets into one mess right after another, and I want someone I can really talk to . MR. BUNT

Of course you do. MR . BUNT

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ANNIE

That's what makes it so nice, Mr. Bunt.

You

understand everything. MR. BUNT

I'm very glad you like me, Miss Reber. ANNIE

And you can come and play with me always, can't you Mr. Bunt ? MR. BUNT

I can play with you always until ANNIE

Until what ? MR . BUNT

Until you forget me. ANNIE

Forget you ! Mr. Bunt !! MR. BUNT

Nodding. You

see,

if

you forget me you won't remember

me.

ANNIE

But I'll never forget you, Mr. Bunt. MR. BUNT

That's what you think, Miss Reber, but when you do I must return at once to the Maple Tree, by order of the Board of Directors. ANNIE

And would they never let you come back ? MR. BUNT

Never, in ever so long, and only then if you should 32

MR . BUNT

find whatever it is that unlocks the Maple Tree. ANNIE

Why, whatever it is that unlocks the Maple Tree must be the maple keys, of course. I can find

them all over the ground under the trees, but I don't see that that helps much because even if I found them I couldn't unlock the tree, you

know , unless I found the keyhole. MR. BUNT

I hadn't thought of that. It's very hard, you see, to really get me back again once you forget me. ANNIE

Well, the best thing to do is to be very careful and not forget. MR . BUNT

I think so, Miss Reber, because if you forget once, it's never quite the same again , and then - only >

almost Dabs has had all he can stand of this sort of conversation . With a short stick he jams the latch

on the door. This locks Annie in the house and with a comfortable feeling of safety he proceeds to make his presence known by loudly addressing the air.

SCENE 5 DABS

Good morning, Mrs. Geshisish! MR . BUNT

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ANNIE

Rises and looks over the rail. Dabs ! DABS

Pays no attention to Annie but with great solicitation addresses the air .

Good morning, Mrs. Geshisish . You're very warm this morning, Mrs. Geshisish . With increased politeness.

Won't you wipe your face on the mat, Mrs. Let me hold your feet for you.

Geshisish .

ANNIE

Donald Reber, you come up here at once! DABS

Contemptuously. Aw go on, I kin do it too. Continuing Mrs. Geshisish has come to call on Mr. Bunt, ain't you, Mrs. Geshisish ? Sit right down and

make yourself comfortable He continues, carefully arranging the ash can . Why, you're all covered with consideration, ain't you, Mrs. Geshisish? Don't you want me to brush you off ?

Dabs takes the broom in his hand. 1

ANNIE

Donald Reber, did you hear what I said ? MR . BUNT

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DABS

Aw , why don't you go on playing with your Mr. Bunt and leave me alone.

Brushing the air violently. She's disturbing us, ain't she, Mrs. Geshisish ? ANNIE

Just wait until I get you, Donald Reber. Annie is climbing in the window and Mr.

Bunt is disappearing in the rain pipe. Dabs, sitting alone, is about to continue the conversa

tion when a sudden banging on the door from the inside and Annie's angry voice demanding to be let out at once, stops him He makes no

effort to unlock the door; in fact, the situation seems to please him, and once more he pro ceeds with his conversation . DABS

She's going to be awful mad, Mrs. Geshisish, but we mustn't mind her because I want some one I can really, really talk to . ANNIE

Appearing at the window . Dabs, you open that door at once! DABS

What door ? ANNIE

You know exactly what I mean. You open that door at once. MR . BUNT

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DABS

Rocking back and forth with joy. Why, Mrs. Geshisish, ain't she awful ? gets into one mess right after another.

She just

ANNIE

Dabs, do you hear me? DABS

And, Mrs. Geshisish, I'm so glad because you can really understand. ANNIE

If you make me climb out the back window

, you'll

be sorry when I get you ! DABS

She wants the key, Mrs. Geshisish, the key that unlocks the Maple Tree. Annie gives one look and disappears. Dabs arises, saying politely: I think I must be going, Mrs. Geshisish . I'll leave you to talk to Mr.Bunt. Music.

Dabs is making good his escape and at the same time keeping a careful lookout over his shoul

der for the harassed Annie, when he is suddenly confronted with a strange apparition that has arisen in his path . There was a large mush room on the right side of the stage when the scene opened but the mushroom must have

grown up very suddenly for now it is a large white umbrella , all trimmed with pink, and 36

MR . BUNT

under it stands the most alarming little old lady dressed in black bombazine. Dabs' hair fair ly rises on his head .

Gee- I must have started something ! MRS. GESHISISH

You did !

You started me !

Dabs starts for the house. You started a great deal more than you can ever understand.

Dabs has had more than he wants to under

stand , and this with the appearance of Annie round the house makes his exit a hurried one. At Annie's appearance the old lady has again

become a mushroom , and Annie, nursing her anger, draws the stick from the latch and enters the house.

SCENE 6

Whereupon the old lady, who has lost Dabs, advances upon the house, remarking in her sharp irritating voice:

Well, of all the impudent things ! Never in all

my fairy- godmother life did I ever expect to have such remarks passed on me. Mrs. Geshisish indeed !

And as for this Bunt creature, I don't

believe there is such a thing. MR . BUNT

37

VOICE OF MR. BUNT From the rain pipe. Ma'am ? MRS. GESHISISH

Eyeing the rain pipe suspiciously. Come out of that rain pipe, drat you. VOICE OF MR . BUNT

Please ma'am , I'd rather not. I'm scared of the rabbits. MRS. GESHISISH

Bending down and trying to peer into the rain pipe.

Scared of the rabbits ! More loudly:

You'll be more scared when I come in and get you.

Are you coming out ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Please ma'am , no. MRS. GESHISISH

Well, I'm coming in.

And she has just started to crawl into the rain pipe when - Flash ! the stage is black. She is now in the rain pipe. Of course we can't see anything but we can hear Mrs. Geshisish's voice remarking contemptuously: Well of all dark, dank places ! What are you doing, sitting there all squished up with that gun ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT I'm afraid of the rabbits. MR . BUNT

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VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

What do you want to hunt them for, anyway ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

It's out of consideration for Annie. VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

Well, never in all my fairy -godmother life have I heard such nonsense.

I wish I were out of here.

The light goes up and Mrs. Geshisish is dis covered standing on the steps of the cottage. MRS. GESHISISH

Looking around in a surprised manner, finally remarks with a nod of conviction :

Must have stepped on something - never had a wish work as quick as that before. VOICE OF MR. BUNT

How did you get outside the rain pipe ? MRS. GESHISISH

Shortly.

I wished myself out. VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Oh ! MRS. GESHISISH

Can you do that ? No ! That's a modern fairy foryou - no wishes ! no nothing ! How long are you going to stay in that rain pipe ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Till Annie wants me. MRS. GESHISISH

Stuff and nonsense !

Do you know who I am ? 39

MR . BUNT VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Why, you are Dabs' invisible playmate, of course. MRS. GESHISISH

Outraged.

Invisible playmate indeed ! I'm his old -fashioned fairy -godmother, that's what I am. The kind

that gives everybody three wishes that all come true, and in the end nobody gets anything. That's simple. Anybody can understand that. Three wishes and there you are .

But this invis

able playmate stuff - that's too complicated for me. Why you know, in my time, we fairies amounted to something. We ran things. But

now -a -days every child has its own particular brand of fairy. Has it for as long as it pleases and then forgets it. Do you call that life ? I call it downright selfishness. I'd like to talk to

whoever started this invisible fairy stuff. VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Perhaps you'd better see the Board of Directors about it. MRS. GESHISISH

The Board of Directors.

What is the child talk

ing about. Wait till I get in that rain pipe! Very dramatically she raises her finger, saying with great emphasis: I wish I were in the rain pipe.

Flash ! and the stage is black once more . MR . BUNT

40

VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

See how quick those old fashioned wishes work . I've just got to say what I want and bang ! I get

it. Now sit right where you are and answer me or I'll call the rabbits. Is that gun loaded ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

No ma'am . VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

Well, that's aa comfort. Now this Board of Direc tors. What do they do? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

They don't do anything. They're just awfully

strict about everything, but you have to see the Owl first. VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

The Owl ? VOICE OF MR . BUNT

Yes, he knows everything. VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

Indeed. Well, we'll see this bird. Where does he live ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

In the roots of the Maple Tree. VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

In the roots of the Maple Tree is he ? Well, we're going to investigate. If you are not used to flying, hold tight to my arm.. Are you ready, Mr. Bunt ? VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Yes ma'am. MR . BUNT

41

VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

Then up we go.

Dramatically. I wish I were in the roots of the Maple Tree. Music.

There is a rushing sound as of wings and two huge, round eyes look out of the darkness.

The lights go on slowly and we are in the roots of the Maple Tree.

SCENE 7

From a dark hollow among the huge tangled roots the gigantic head of the Owl looks down and blinks at the little figures of Mrs. Geshis ish and Mr. Bunt.

Mrs. Geshisish is holding

her open umbrella far above her head as though she had just alighted and gripping a very

frightened Mr. Bunt firmly by the arm . As for the rest of the scene, there are a num ber of little mushroom -like seats in groups as

though they had just come up, and at the side of the Owl's head is a large sign , reading: SECOND CLASS IN SILENCE .

The Owl blinks his large eyes. OWL

In a very solemn voice .

And what can I do for you ? MR . BUNT

42

MRS. GESHISISH

Well of all things ! MR. BUNT

Ssh !

It's the Owl . MRS. GESHISISH

Irritated beyond measure . I kin see him. MR. BUNT

Timidly addressing the Owl. I want to introduce you OWL

In аa deep voice. To who ? MR. BUNT

Mrs. Geshisish. OWL

Calmly and firmly. Visitors not allowed. MRS. GESHISISH

Ain't he dreadful. MR. BUNT

Ssh, or he'll send for the Board of Directors. She isn't exactly a visitor. She wants to learn things. VOICE OF ANNIE

Calling softly. Mr. Bunt, Mr. Bunt. MR. BUNT

It's Annie calling me - I'm off. Keep your eyes open. MR . BUNT

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MRS. GESHISISH

Most perturbed. Oh dear, I'm all mixed up. I don't think I can learn anything around here. OWL

Yes you can , Madam. This is the Second Class in Silence. MRS. GESHISISH

Where is the class ? OWL

Just behind you, Madam. MRS. GESHISISH

Turns around and regards the audience. Hav

ing satisfied herself as to their mental capacity, she expresses her feeling by saying: And what do you expect me to learn in a place like this ? OWL

Silence. MRS. GESHISISH

That's not very hard. OWL

Well, you haven't learned it yet. Madam, please be seated. Mrs. Geshisish sits down properly on one of

the mushrooms and holds very firmly to her white umbrella.

In the silence that ensues ,

the Owl's eyes slowly close.

After an appre

ciable time, he remarks sleepily: " The class is doing very well to -day.” If, however, there 44

MR . BUNT

is any unconscious disturbance on the part of

the audience, the Owl will reprimand the offender at once. This is played ad lib until the little white figure of Gyem -of-the-Woods appears, climbing slowly over the huge roots to the stage below . Suddenly he slips and comes

down plump. As he lands he says “Oh!” quite loud, whereupon the Owl, whose eyes are closed, remarks wearily “ Again .” And Mrs. Geshisish, who has caught sight of Gyem, has risen and is furiously shaking her umbrella at him.

MRS. GESHISISH

You go and put your pants on! GYEM

What ! MRS. GESHISISH

It ain't decent.

With which she opens her umbrella and retires behind it. OWL

Resignedly. Are we or are we not going to have any class ? VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

From behind umbrella .

Class or no class this ain't no place for me. GYEM

Looking at the white umbrella. You'll only see one side of things that way. MR . BUNT

45

VOICE OF MRS. GESHISISH

I'll see the side I want to. OWL

Opening his eyes.

So long as she feels that way we'd better leave her alone.

But-- Solemnly.

Until she puts her umbrella down she will never understand.

With which he closes his eyes again.

The white umbrella passes across the stage. As it reaches the exit it stops. Music.

MRS. GESHISISH

From behind the umbrella .

I've seen quite enough of things as it is, thank you, and they're quite too complicated for an old woman, if they ain't immoral at that. Exit Mrs. Geshisish behind umbrella. SCENE 8 OWL

Quietly. Has she gone ? GYEM

Yes sir. OWL

Remarks abstractedly: She was my aunt. MR . BUNT

46

And closes his left eye and settles his head once more in silence . GYEM

Aghast. She was your what?

OWL Opening his eye again for a moment, long enough to say: She was my aunt ! It may sound strange, but read mythology. Mythology is absolutely neces sary.

It explains everything without saying any.

thing. Do you know where my class is ? GYEM

They are all out playing in the mole hole. OWL

That's all very nice, but wait till the Board of Directors hears about it. GYEM

What will they do ? OWL

Calmly. Nothing. Opening one eye slowly. That's what makes it so terrible.

know what they might do. GYEM

I see. OWL

You don't.

Closing his eyes.

You never MR . BUNT

47

I don't. Pause. GYEM

What else do you teach here ? OWL

Come up and I will tell you. Gyem climbs carefully up the roots and sits beside the huge head of the Owl, who blinks at him wisely. OWL

I have classes in Make - Believe, Interest and Don't -Bother -Me. GYEM

Which gives you the most trouble ? OWL

Turning towards him, remarks significantly : The class in Don't-Bother -Me. GYEM

Why ? OWL

They ask so many questions. GYEM

What kind of questions ? OWL

Impertinent questions. The answer to an imper tinent question is " Don't bother me. ” I teach them to tell the difference between impertinent

questions and warm-hearted questions. GYEM

What is the difference ? 48

MR . BUNT OWL

There isn't any. That's what makes it so diffi cult to study. It's only in the way they are

asked. An impertinent question wants the answer out of curiosity, a warm -hearted question wants an answer so as to be better able to help somebody. GYEM

I think I understand. OWL

Think some more!

Gyem studies for a while. GYEM

Looking at sign. What is the next class? OWL

Make- Believe!

We had Interest this morning. GYEM

What do you teach in Interest ? OWL

Nothing. GYEM

What ? OWL

Solemnly. I'm trying to get them interested in nothing. GYEM

What do you mean by that ? OWL

It's the interest that's the important thing. MR . BUNT

49

He turns his head completely around.

That's all you have to have. GYEM

Timidly.

But what are you interested in ? OWL

Sharply. Mice !

This gives Gyem such a start that he slides the complete length of the roots and then col lects himself. GYEM

Looking up.

Anything else ? OWL

No ! GYEM

That's simple. OWL

Slowly opening his eyes.. The simpler life is the sweeter. GYEM

I think I was happier when I knew less. OWL

Opening one eye long enough to say: The trouble is, you don't know enough . GYEM

Where do I learn ? OWL

You don't- it just comes. 1

50

MR . BUNT GYEM

From where ? OWL

Opening both eyes suddenly. I don't know.

GYEM Isn't there any way to tell? OWL

Keep on trying. SCENE 9

At this moment a queer little door opens and a lot of fairies come dancing in, singing. Each fairy has as a partner some strange little creature clothed in the ends with which chil

dren dress their imaginary playmates. Music .

This is the class in Make-Believe,

Make-Believe, Make-Believe, This is the class in Make -Believe, Under the Maple Tree.

When the dance is over they arrange themselves on the semi-circle of little mushroom -like seats that surround the Owl, who looks down and addresses them . Music . OWL

Silence, fairies. You are, you know, in the roots of the Maple Tree. Remember, a little fairy is at MR . BUNT

51

the root of everything - any child knows that. Out in the world the children are calling to you .

The world is one great game of Make -Believe and if you have learned your lessons here, you

will have no trouble on earth. Gyem -of-the Woods will let you out from the branches of the Maple Tree . I will show you the way up as far as the door, but Gyem has the maple keys and will let you out into the world . And, now that

you are to cross the bridge of dreams, I will give you your final lesson . Children should be seen, not heard. Fairies should be heard , not seen. Now never get those two things mixed up, or the Board of Directors will get you . You under stand ?

Looking around. You do .

Continuing

Tonight you are to leave the tree, for I can hear the children calling. Your time has come to go out into the world . Go, and beware of the Board of Directors.

They all dance around and out of the door to the tune of: This is the class in Make- Believe, Make-Believe, Make-Believe,

This is the class in Make-Believe, Under the Maple Tree. The Owl closes his eyes. MR . BUNT

52

SCENE 10 GYEM

To Owl

And you are all through for the day ? OWL

I have to make my report to the Board of Direc tors, then Bowing.

I am through for the day, thank you. GYEM

They're very strict, aren't they ? OWL

You'll find that out. GYEM

Well, I've got to get up in the Maple Tree to let all those little fairies out into the world tonight.

He starts to climb upward.

By the way, has anyone found the key ? OWL

Shaking his head. They don't know where to look. GYEM

Calling down. Do they ever find it ? OWL

Very, very few . Music.

The lights grow dim and the scene fades out. 53

MR . BUNT SCENE 11

The Maple Tree. We have a deep, soft, moonlit sky. In the center of the stage is the Maple Tree, and curled high in its dark cluster of branches

lies the little white figure of Gyem , nodding. Music .

Deep shadows fall about, and from them oomes the throbbing of the crickets. The throbbing grows louder and again the song of the Sand man is heard approaching. He slowly enters . SANDMAN

Singing

Dream , baby, dream. Close the shadows creep,

While your fancies follow me O'er the land of sleep. GYEM

Yawning Oh, it makes me sleepy to look at you, Sandman . SANDMAN

Stops a moment, then continues on his way across the stage.

Fair night tonight, Gyem . Singing All the world is still.

Moving off GYEM

Good for you, old top . You've done a good job. 54

MR . BUNT

Now, I've got my work to do. SANDMAN

Singing. And I upon my way. GYEM

Well, don't stay on my account. You'll send me to sleep again before I get to work. SANDMAN

Singing. Sleep, sleep. VOICES IN THE TREE

Key - key - key - key - key - key - key. GYEM

Shaking the branches. Listen to them trying to get out. SANDMAN

Singing.

Dreamy eyes will fill. GYEM

Sandman -- go away — I'm falling to sleep and I've got to let those baby fairies out of the Maple Tree before the world wakes. VOICES

Key - key - key - key — key - key - key. GYEM

Yes, I know I'm coming. Yawning. Oh me, I hate work . I think I'll leave them all inside. 55

MR . BUNT SANDMAN

In the distance.

All the world's asleep. GYEM

Yes, all the world's asleep. I wish I were.

Reaching out, he turns one of the maple keys and throws it on the ground. There is silence. VOICE

From the trees, full of pep. What am I ? GYEM

Laughing Can't you remember anything ? You are a fairy. VOICE

Oh, where am I ? GYEM

You are in the world again . VOICES

Key - key - key - key - key - key — key. GYEM

There are the rest of them. VOICE

Where are they? GYEM

That's what I can't understand. The minute I let you out of the Maple Tree you forget every thing you ever knew. And I have to begin all over again.

VOICE

Where do I begin? 56

MR . BUNT GYEM

That's it — and you are so cheerful about it. Now wait.

He reaches and turns another key. NEW VOICES

Oh, it's cold ; I don't like it. GYEM

Well, you wanted to get out and here you are. He is now busily turning key after key and throwing them on the ground below . The

voices, clear and fresh, come piping out till they are clattering in the branches like a flock of grackles. VOICES

Where are we ? I don't know, What next ?

Here I am .

My wings are stiff. Look out, you'll fall. Where do we go next ? Is this the world ?

Tell me quickly. GYEM

Admonishing a reluctant fairy. None of your nonsense now - out with you got lots to do tonight.

I've MR . BUNT

57

VOICES

Wide world. Round world . I like it.

Let's play. Feel

the air moves .

Delighted I drift with it. Like aa feather.

Come, let us sail. On the dandelion down.

Around and around.

Oh, look at me glide. That's the way . Try it again. I like it.

Don't you ?

Gyem climbs down from the clattering tree, shakes himself and looks up. He raises his wand and silence reigns. GYEM

Baby fairies in the air, Have a care, have a care. Go and find your playmate now, Make your curtsy and a bow . If they hold their arms to you, Make their fairy dreams come true. MR . BUNT

58

VOICES

We're off

By the bridge. Can you see us? GYEM

By the bridge of dreams you go, To the waiting earth below. Turning to the audience.

Can you see them on their way? We are no longer children. We only see the

Maple Tree and the little white figure of Gyem . Gyem , however, waves his wand. Look again with children's eyes! And now , from the dark clustered leaves of the Maple Tree a narrow bridge swings in a rainbow -like arch to the world below.

On it

the fairies are seen, in silhouette, making their way in the moonlight, their little wings flut tering on the air. Gyem stands watching the fairies, when Mr. Bunt, in his hunting clothes, is seen climbing in a pathetic manner onto the stage. He waits till Gyem turns and sees him. SCENE 12 GYEM

Who are you ! MR. BUNT

I'm Mr. Bunt. GYEM

What are you doing here ? MR . BUNT

59

MR. BUNT

I'm lost. You opened everybody's eyes. GYEM

Why, I was just showing the people how the fairies went over the bridge of dreams down into the world. I thought they'd be interested . MR. BUNT

You told them to look again with children's eyes. GYEM

And what has that got to do with you ? MR. BUNT

Do with me ? Why, it made me visible. Don't

you know that children see everything ? They don't miss a thing. I was sitting down there

on the steps perfectly invisible. You opened everybody's eyes, and I saw the usher coming for me, so I thought I'd better come up here and let you settle it before the Board of Directors got me . GYEM

What were you doing in here, anyway? MR. BUNT

I

came in to see the show. As an invisible fairy I have the right to go anywhere. Now, how am

I going to get back ? GYEM

Where do you belong ? MR. BUNT

I belong to a little girl in the woods.

How am I MR . BUNT

60

going to get back ? As long as I was invisible I could ride in the street cars for nothing, but now

I haven't even a penny and anybody can see me. Even if I got back, Dabs would punch the head off of me the moment he saw me. GYEM

Scratching his head.

This is very awkward . Suppose we see the Owl. MR. BUNT

He won't like it.

He's very strict. GYEM

But we've got to do something. Either you go back to the world or back into the Maple Tree. MR. BUNT

But I can't go back to the world now. Every one can see me .

GYEM

Then we've got to see the Owl about it. Turning, he looks up into the tree and calls : To whit. Music. SCENE 13 OWL

In a deep voice. a

To who ? GYEM

Oh, Mr. Owl, we are in trouble. 61

MR . BUNT VOICE OF OWL

Everybody is. They know too much. At this point two very small eyes look out from the branches of the Maple Tree, which after all is an extraordinary tree. after his wise remark , asks :

The Owl,

What is the matter? GYEM

Here's an invisible fairy that got lost. I opened people's eyes and they can see him. OWL

That's what you get for playing with things you

don't understand. Now you've gone and thrown the whole works out of order. Board of Directors say?

What will the

GYEM

Timidly. I don't know. OWL

Things are in a mess. GYEM

Can't we do anything ? OWL

We ? We are the only persons who can do any thing. The Board of Directors won't touch it. MR. BUNT

Timidly. Am I аa lost fairy ? 62

MR . BUNT OWL

That's exactly what you are, and it isn't very pleasant. In the first place, you can't go back to the little girl who called you her playmate, be

cause Dabs and everybody can see you now and they wouldn't understand.

And second, you

can't go back into the Maple Tree because that

is where the forgotten fairies go . It is only when the children outgrow the fairies and forget them that they can come back. You are not forgot ten -- you are lost. MR. BUNT

Isn't there any place for me to go ? OWL

Considering . There's only one chance, and you'll have to be

quick about it and go before the bridge closes. Over the bridge, down into the world, you will be neither fairy nor child. And there is only

one way back. When you are forgotten. That, or the key. MR. BUNT

The key ! No one ever finds the key ! OWL

Very, very few . MR. BUNT

But I want to stay here. MR . BUNT

63

THE DEEP VOICE OF THE SANDMAN

The fairy world is closed to you. Music : The Forgotten Fairies.

SCENE 14

Again the bridge appears and by it stands the Sandman in silhouette. SANDMAN

They come theforgotten fairies. Slowly mounting the arch into the Maple Tree

climb a number of bedraggled, queer little creatures, stopping to look back at the world below . In pathetic silence they hold out their little arms to it for the last time and then dis appear into the shadow of the Maple Tree. The Sandman repeats quietly :

The forgotten fairies. MR. BUNT

Sadly. Didn't the children want them any more ? SANDMAN

They grew up and forgot them. Forgot how much they needed them , and they will never know what the trouble with life is, now they have lost their fairies. MR. BUNT

Do they live in the tree ? MR . BUNT

64

SANDMAN

Yes, and forget everything when the gate closes. Only the keys can let them out. MR . BUNT

Then they are happy. Why can't I go in ? SANDMAN

You are lost - not forgotten. MR. BUNT

Calling Oh, let me back ! Let me back ! SANDMAN

To the bridge ! It is closing. It is your only way out now .

You can't stay here. GYEM

Running to Mr. Bunt.

You've got to go. Quick! I'll go and hold the bridge. Try and find someone when you get to earth and don't let anybody see that you can fly. This way, quick ! Gyem disappears, dragging Mr. Bunt into the Maple Tree. VOICE OF MR. BUNT

Sobbing. Let me back . Let me back. There is silence, then his lonely figure is seen

making its way slowly over the bridge down into the world below , where the little tents of the circus are seen vaguely on the silent hills.