38 A C O S T A. Scriptures and other fpiritual books, carefully conful ting alfo the creed of the confeffors ; but the more he dived into thefe matters, the more difficulties occurred, which perplexed him at length to fuch a degree, that, being; unable to folve them, he fell into the moft terrible agonies of mind. He looked upon it as impoflible to fulfil his duty, with regard to the conditions required forabfolution, according to good cafuifts; fo that he defpaired of fa'.vation, if he could find no other means of at- taining it; and it proved difficult to abandon a religion in which he had been bred up from his infancy, and which had been deeply rooted in his mind by the force of perfuafion. However he began to enquire, whether feveral particulars men- tioned about the other life were agreeable to reafon; and, upon enquiry and deliberation, he imagined that reafon fug- gefted many arguments againft them. Acofta was about two and twenty, when he was thus perplexed with doubts ; and the refultof his reflections was, that he could not be faved by the religion which he had imbibed in his infancy. Neverthe- lefs he profecuted his ftudies in the law ; and at the age of five and twenty, was made treafurer in a collegiate church. Be- ing naturally of a religious difpofition, and now made uneafy by the popifh doclrines, he began to ftudy Mofes and the pro- phets ; where he thought he found more fatisfa&ion than in the gofpel, and at length became convinced that Judatfm was the true religion : and, as he could not profefs it in Portugal, herefolved to leave the country. He accordingly refigned his place, and embarked for Amfterdam with his mother and bro- thers ; whom he had ventured to inftrucl: in the principles of the Jewifh religion, even when in Portugal [A], Soon after their arrival in this city they became members of the fynago- gue, and were circumcifed according to cuftom ; and he changed his name of Gabriel for that of Uriel. A little time was fufficient to (hew him, that the Jews did neither in their rites nor morals conform to the law of Mofes, of which he could not but declare his difapprobation : but the chiefs of the fynagcgue gave him to underftand, that he muft exactly obferve their tenets and cuftoms ; and that he would be excommuni- cated, if he deviated ever fo litt'e from them. This threat, however, did not in the leaft deter him ; for he thought it would be a moft mean behaviour in him, who had left the [A] He himfdf tells U", that lie gave t'on being permitted to leave the king- up an honouiable and profitable employ- dom withouc the king's fpecial leave, meat, and a fine houfe which his father fib. p. 347). He fays, had it been known had built in the beft part of the city, he difcuir led with his mother and brother (Acofta in lixemplaii Vitse Humanae, p. in favour of the Jewifli religion, it muft 346). He mentions the danger of his have proved his tuin. cmbarkaLion, no oae of Jewifh extrac- fweets
