upon soft tissue. The proof of his theory is to be found in the heads of those who believe it.
Pastor. One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.
Patriotism. A variety of hallucination which, if it seized a bacteriologist in his laboratory, would cause him to report the streptococcus pyogenes to be as large as a Newfoundland dog, as intelligent as Socrates, as beautiful as Mont Blanc and as respectable as a Yale professor.
Pensioner. A kept patriot.
Platitude. An idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
Politician. Any citizen with influence enough to get his old mother a job as charwoman in the City Hall.
Popularity. The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.
Posterity. The penalty of a faulty technique.
Progress. The process whereby the human race has got rid of whiskers, the vermiform appendix and God.
Prohibitionist. The sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
