found, uncommonly weak, I managed to get into the Edgware Road as far as a stationer's, where I inquired in a general sort of a way about such things as under-masterships and tutorships, of the genteel middle-aged party who was in the shop. She took a great interest in me, I considered, for a complete stranger; but could not help me in the least.
In the afternoon I made three more attempts at stationers', and at the last one was so far successful that I learnt the name and address of the people whom, it seemed, I wanted.
I set off for Grenvil Street at once (a weary walk of toil to weak me), and interviewed a respectful clerk a good deal better dressed and, doubtless, fed than myself. He thought he might possibly get me an ushership in some small school pretty soon; but I must observe that it was not the time for such (that is to say, instant) engagements now, half way through the term. I told him the sooner the better, for I was in straits. He had an equally discouraging account to give of tutorships and secretaryships. All these things required time. I said that speed was the one necessity. And on this understanding we parted: I, I cannot say how forlorn,—nay, once or twice on my walk home, even wearier and more toilsome, near to tears. Indeed I felt more like drowning myself than making any further fight for existence.
When I reached Maitland Street, I scarcely knew what I had said or done down at the agent's. Everything was a muddle, and a jumble, from beginning to end. I cast myself down on my bed, and the long-suppressed tears came. O why had I not died in that strange, sweet, terrible dream after the reading of the letter? I lay sighing to myself till I dozed.
From this half-sleep of despondency the Rosebud roused me in the early evening, and took me out for a short walk. I don't know what we talked about. Everything was still a muddle and a jumble, from beginning to end. I was glad to get back, and creep into bed, and sleep.
I was better in the morning: inclined, it seemed, to feel cheerful, and began, as I lay with closed eyes
