sending it. I think that the chief reason for my writing, or rather attempting to write it, was the relief thereby given to my pent-up feelings. Sheet after sheet was ripped up, and at last I sat still in a disgust that was almost petulant.
'Suddenly a hot flush stole up to my cheek, and I looked fixedly at the pile of torn-up paper in front of me, which contained shameful words: hints of what I had done. "I could never see her again," I had said; "I could not forget what had passed between us. Did she expect me to return and look at her being consumed alive at the stake of Duty? I was made of flesh and blood. Such a sacrifice as she was making was a sacrifice to Moloch: sin, not heroism."—In any case, how purposeless, all this! in every case, how unmanly! She had to dree her own weird, and I too, with what light conscience and knowledge could impart. That was all. All that day I felt I had done a wrong to Rosy. If there was a victim anywhere, it was she.
'Then came Strachan.—I told him simply that it was impossible for me to return to London, at any rate, at present: I hoped never. I was going on to Paris in September, and might perhaps take up my permanent abode there. Could not the proof sheets be sent to me there, and from me on to him? I would write to him again from the Hôtel de Manchester, Rue Faubourg St. Honoré, when I got there. I hoped Parker, Innes, and Co. had accepted the Book all right. I should stay at the Hôtel de Manchester till I found a house to please me. But, more later. I asked him to excuse haste and confusion. As a matter of fact, I hated pens, ink, and paper now. To write at all required an effort. I was thinking of buying a vineyard, and eating fruit till I brought on—whatever the disease was that was induced by a surfeit of grapes. I hoped Mrs. Strachan and the Miss Strachans were well. It was rather dull weather here. We had not had a fine summer for long. I doubted we ever should have one again. And I remained, etc., etc'
A few days after this, a small troop of students and girls who, the fat hostess assured me, were their
