without my ever seeing her again!—the tears came, and then, bowing my head down between my hands, I sobbed and wept. These were the first tears I had shed. They were a relief to me. I began to think of it as I had not yet thought of it, quietly and fully, recognising the great love I had for her and resolute to win the radiant future.
That night, for the first time since she had left me, I had a dreamless refreshing sleep. In the morning I went down the river to Greenwich again, and up on to the Heath, thinking of Rosy and Rayne together, as I had so many times this last fortnight. The place seemed somewhat strange to me now: stranger than it had seemed before. I did not go to the school and the field where Wallace and I had lain and played at 'chuck,' looking out at times over the dark, silver-twining Thames and dusky, far-reaching London.—I determined that I would find out about Rayne when I got back.
I went to Balmoral Street, and, seeing no assuring sign in No. 22 of life or death, rang, and inquired of a maid who opened the door, if Lady Gwatkin was any better? There was no surprise in her face. Rayne was not dead. My breath flowed out almost in a sigh.—Lady Gwatkin was a good deal better. She had gone with Sir James into the country.
It was enough. Further words I did not hear. I went away almost joyfully. She could be dead to me henceforth without a troubling thought.
A few days later, I saw Strachan, and spoke about the Expedition, Starkie, Clarkson and Brooke, again. Worked with a will at my classics, and at my spiritual classics as well: struggled against despondent and not-to-be-dismissed terrors and horrors about Rosy: was once almost setting out for Paris, with a notion (illogical enough) that she was there, but a little reflection showed me that my arrangement of things was best. She was in London I was sure. She would probably write to me in Paris (perhaps not knowing my London address). My man would telegraph at once: I would be with her at once. But a sudden idea that my man might, after all, be negligent, unsettled me.
