9
Now it happened when wife Willy turned old he took a great twelling in his wame and calling up of his kail. collops and cauld fiſh, that nothing ſtaid on his ſtomach, and a ſtout ſtomach had be, for crab- hoads or feate broſe or fat broſe ona bridal morning. yet it fail'd him, he fell ſick & none could cure him or tell what ail'd him, till a mountebank ſtage doctor came to Kirkcaldy that could judge by people's piſſ the troubles of their perſon, & Willy hearing of his ſame, piſſed into a bottle, and ſent it away with his daughter; the bottle being uncorked, his daughter ſpilt it by the way, and to concenl her ſtoth in ſo do- ing piſſed in it herſelf, and on ſhe goes, comes to the ſtage and cries, fir dochter, fir dochter, here is a bot- tle o' my father's sh, he has a fair gats, never needs to drite ony heſpuca a' he eats, it's true I tell you my dow: the doctor looks at it and ſays, it's not your fa- ther's ſurely its your mother's a deil's is the man ca' ſhe, divas I ken my father by my mither? then ſaid he, he is wi' child; a deil's i' the man co ſhe for my mither bore a' de bairns before, dats no true ſir, ange ye're a grens liar, home ſe came an' teld Willy her father that the doctor ſaid he was wi' bairn; O was me co' Willy, for I hae a muckle wame, an I fear it'e o'er true, O plague on you Janet for ye're the father, o't and I'm ſure to die in the bearing o't, witty Ep- pie was ſent for as ſha was a houdy & ſand a Willy's wame to be ſure about it, deed co' Eppie, ye're the firſt man e'er I ſaw wi' bairn before, and how you'll bear't I dinna ken, ye hae a wel, wamewelllwat, but how men bear bairns I ne'er ſaw yet, but I wou'd drink fa't water & drown't in my guts, for if men get anes the gait of bearing weans they'll ſeek nae mair wives, ſo Willy drunk ſeawater till his guts was like to rive, out he goes to eaſe himſelf amang the kail, & wi' the terrible hurl of farting up ſtarts a maken be
