Page:Box and Cox.djvu/15

Box.	Ah, that may be—but I'm not alive!

Cox.	[Pushing back his chair.] You'll excuse me, sir—but I don't like joking upon such subjects.

Box.	I'm perfectly serious, sir. I've been defunct for the last three years!

Cox.	[Shouting.] Will you be quiet, sir?

Box.	If you won't believe me, I'll refer you to a very large, numerous, and respectable circle of disconsolate friends.

Cox.	My dear sir—my very dear sir—if there does exist any ingenious contrivance whereby a man on the eve of committing matrimony can leave this world, and yet stop in it, I shouldn't be sorry to know it.

Box.	Oh! then I presume I'm not to set you down as being frantically attached to your intended?

Cox.	Why, not exactly; and yet, at present, I'm only aware of one obstacle to my doating upon her, and that is, that I can't abide her!

Box.	Then there's nothing more easy. Do as I did.

Cox.	[Eagerly.] I will! What was it?

Box.	Drown yourself!

Cox.	[Shouting again.] Will you be quiet, sir?

Box.	Listen to me. Three years ago it was my misfortune to captivate the affections of a still blooming, though somewhat middle-aged widow, at Ramsgate.

Cox.	[Aside.] Singular enough! Just my case three months ago at Margate.

Box.	Well, sir, to escape her importunities, I came to the determination of enlisting into the Blues, or Life Guards.

Cox.	[Aside.] So did I. How very odd!

Box.	But they wouldn't have me—they actually had the effrontery to say that I was too short—

Cox.	[Aside.] And I wasn't tall enough!

Box.	So I was obliged to content myself with a marching regiment—I enlisted!

Cox.	[Aside.] So did I. Singular coincidence!

Box.	I'd no sooner done so, than I was sorry for it.

Cox.	[Aside.] So was I.

Box.	My infatuated widow offered to purchase my discharge, on condition that I'd lead her to the altar.

Cox.	[Aside.] Just my case!

Box.	I hesitated—at last I consented.

Cox.	[Aside.] I consented at once!