But your complaint is not the gout."--
"Indeed!" "Oh! no; I've found it out,
And speedily I will apply a plaster.
Meanwhile, with your permission,
I'll show the cause of all your pain,
And trust it never can occur again,
If you'll be guided by your old physician.
Your shoes have been too tight--too tight by half,
So that you've quite compress'd your royal toes,
And giv'n a wrong direction
To the corneous substance call'd the nail;
Now, as your toes support so large a calf,
"Tis evident upon reflection,
That the corneous substance inward grows,
And must be rooted out, or else we fail--
The fact is, sire!
That men of goodly size and certain ages
Must not aspire
To pass for youths in ladies' eyes,--
It ne'er will do--therefore, be wise,
And leave such dandy tricks to boys and pages."
ANON.
------
L O V E S I C K W I L L Y.
One Willy Wright who kept a store,
But nothing kept therein,
Save earthen jugs, and some few kegs
Of whisky, ale, and gin--
Grew sick, and often would exclaim,
"O how my poor heart burns!”
And every week the poor man lived,
He had a weakly turn.
Now, when they saw him thus decline
Some said that death must come;
Some wondered what the ail could be;
Some said his ail was rum!
At last the very cause was known
Of every pang he felt;
Remote, at one end of the town,
Miss Martha Townsend dwelt.
