Page:Complete Works of Count Tolstoy - 01.djvu/128

From Wikisource
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This page has been proofread, but needs to be validated.
96
CHILDHOOD

loud and unnatural to be derisive; on the contrary, the fact that we were laughing both together, and looking at each other, brought me, in a certain way, nearer to her. The episode with the glove might have had a bad end, but it gave me this advantage, it put me on a free footing with a circle which always appeared to me as the most terrible, — the circle in the drawing-room. I no longer felt the least bashfulness in the parlour.

The suffering of bashful people arises from their uncertainty as to the opinion which is held in regard to them. The moment this opinion is clearly defined, — whatever it may be, — the suffering ceases.

How sweet Sónichka Valákhin was, when she danced a French quadrille opposite me, with the awkward young prince! How sweetly she smiled, when she gave me her hand in the chaîne! How sweetly her blond curls leaped about in even measure on her head! How naïvely she made jeté-assemblé with her tiny feet! In the fifth figure, when my lady ran from me to the opposite side, and I, waiting for the beat, was getting ready to do my solo, Sónichka solemnly compressed her lips and began to look to one side. But she was unnecessarily afraid for me. I boldly made chassé en avant, chassé en arrière, glissade, and, when I came near her, I playfully showed her the glove with the two towering fingers.

She burst into a loud laugh, and even more charmingly scraped her tiny feet on the parquetry. I remember how, when we formed a circle and joined hands, she bent her head, and, without letting my hand go, scratched her little nose against her glove. All that is standing vividly before my eyes, and I still hear the quadrille from the "Maid of the Danube," to the sounds of which it all took place.

Then came a second quadrille, which I danced with Sónichka. When I seated myself by her side, I felt quite uncomfortable, and did not have the slightest idea what