486 HAREIET MARTINEAU. awful to her, and she was terrified beyond measure by seeing the prismatic colors in the glass drops of a chande- lier. There were certain individuals whom she met occasionally in the town, of whom she knew nothing, neither their name nor their occupation, and yet she could never see them without experiencing the most intense fear. At the same time she was bitterly ashamed of this weakness, and seems never to have thought of mentioning it to a living creature, least of all to her mother and sisters. For a long course of years — from about eight to fourteen — she tried with all her might to pass a day without crying. " I was a persevering child," she says, " and I knew I tried hard ; but I failed. I gave up at last, and during all those years I never did pass a day without crying." She thinks her temper must have been " excessively bad," and that she was " an insufferable child for gloom, obstinacy, and crossness." But she also thought that if her parents and brothers and sisters had shown ever so little sympathy with her unhappiness, she should have responded with joyous alacrity. When her hearing began to grow dull, it did not excite sympathy in the family, but distrust and contempt. She would be told that " none are so deaf as they who do not wish to hear ; " and when it could no longer be doubted that she was growing deaf, the best help she got was from her brother, who told her that he hoped she would never make herself troublesome to other people. What a delightful family ! Such treat- ment, however, had one good effect : she made up her mind, and she kept her resolution, never to make her deafness a burthen to others. She never asked any one to repeat a remark in company which she had not caught, and always trusted her friends to tell her what it was necessary for her to know. During the generation which saw the beginning and
