HUSBAND AND WIFE
185
‘Not so much noise,’ said Bender. ‘ A woman should be more modest. Why all these httle jumps ? ’ The widow was in agony. ‘ What’s the matter with you ? ’ called Bender. ‘ Fancy asking such a thing,’ said the widow, as she began to weep. ‘ Wipe your eyes, my dear. Each of your tears is but a molecule in the cosmos.’ ' I’ve been waiting and waiting for you. I’ve closed my shop and I’ve come aU this way to look for you.’ ‘ Weil, how do you hke your new home on the stairs ? Is it draughty ? ’ The widow’s sorrow turned to rage. ‘ Traitor ! ’ she suddenly hissed. Bender had very httle time left. He snapped his fingers at her and was about to turn on his heel. ‘ May you burst! ’ shouted the widow through the door. ‘ You’ve stolen my bracelet, and it was my husband’s present to me. And what possessed you to take that chair ? ’ ‘ I think you’re beginning to be personal,’ said Bender coldly. ‘ You’re a thief 1 You’re a thief 1 ’ shouted the widow. ‘ Now then, my lady, just you remember that Ostap Bender has never stolen anything in his life.’ ‘ Who took the tea-strainer ? ’ ‘ Oh ! the tea-strainer ? You consider that a theft ? In that case our views on life are diametrically opposed.’ ' You took it! You’re a thief! ’ ' If that’s what you think we shall have to separate. I am quite agreeable to a divorce.’ The widow hurled herself against the door, and the glass panels rattled. Bender realized that it was time for him to go. ‘ There is no time for embraces,’ he said. ‘ Good-bye, my love. We meet and part hke ships in the night.’
