Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/23

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English Wit and Humour.
19

able qualities of the river, and he labelled this bottle, "Hogg's Wash," and hung it up in the smoking-room of the House of Commons. [16]

Withdrawing His Support from the Devil

Equally amusing was Mr Rogers's reply to the elector who frankly assured him that he would "vote for the devil first." "Very good, sir, very good," said the stoical Professor; "but in case your friend does not come to the poll, may I hope to be favoured with your support?" The retort was both happy and effective, for from that day the voter to whom it was addressed was amongst his most enthusiastic supporters. [17]

A Conservative "Zoo."

During the contest for the new seat given to the Hornsey division of Middlesex by the Redistribution Act, Sir James McGarel Hogg (the late Lord Magheramorne), the Conservative candidate, was addressing a meeting of the electors. Sir James in his rather random remarks, made statements which Mr E—— H——, a son of a prominent Liberal, felt bound to "question" — and this more than once. Being nettled at this, Sir James made a digression which cost him more than he bargained for. "There is a young man here," said he, pointing at Mr H——, "who behaves as if he thought he had come to the Zoological Gardens." "Yes, so I have," said Mr H——, "come to see the Hogg." [20]

" Wine Office Court."

Douglas Jerrold and a friend had been dining together at "The Old Cheshire Cheese," in Wine Office Court, Fleet Street, when, his friend, having taken too much wine, Douglas took him out into the Court for fresh air. Here, however, his friend became sick. Just at that moment a stranger approached and asked Douglas if that was "Wine Office Court." "No," replied Jerrold, "this is wine off his stomach."

"Contingencies"—Defined.

Theodore Hook used to describe contingencies as "things that never happen." [28]

An Ecclesiastical Comforter.

Before the first Bishop of New Zealand left England, Sydney Smith, in taking leave, affected to impress upon his friend the dangers of his mission:

"You will find," he said, "in preaching to the cannibals, that